To be so anxious about my daughter...

[stilltiredinthemorning]

My daughter is starting school this year (in around 3 weeks) and I am so, so worried about her making friends.

She's always been a bit young for her age and latish with milestones like potty training. Her language is also a bit delayed, though probably not to the extent that intervention would be appropriate.

When she was younger she seemed very happy go lucky, but in the last year she's become really quite socially anxious. It seems to be a 'performance' thing because she's fine at the park etc. with kids she doesn't know, but really struggles at birthday parties etc.

I think she is desperate to make friends/play with other children but is very socially awkward and sometimes puts them off. She can also be a bit intense. She struggles to understand complex games and is one of those children who is always doing something 10 minutes after everyone else has stopped, going left when everyone's going right etc.

I know my anxiety will not help at all and she will pick up on it, but the panic is rising every day. She is so sensitive to rejection and I can't bear the thought of her being hurt.

Has anyone got any reassuring words, maybe a similar child who found their tribe?

Yanbu, I was that kid, and the thing that helped me fit in better was having hobbies and interests. I joined Brownies, I was good at art and I kept pets.
It gave me something to talk about, and I had something in common with some of the other kids.

Thank you Thelnebriati that's really good advice 😊. Can I ask how school was for you?

Pretty awful when my brother went to the same school, but when we were at different schools I got on OK most of the time. I had a few close friends and got on well with a larger group.
I wasn't actually the youngest in the class but I acted that way, I think I would have been better off repeating a year.

I think another thing you can do to help is build her resilience. I think kids who are sensitive to rejection can sometimes be too keen to get along with the first person who shows an interest and that can leave them more vulnerable to controlling kids and bullies.
Its important she develops her own likes and dislikes, her own sense of self.

I think it's important to have something social to do outside school. School can be intense and they meet everyday - there is often fall outs and what not. But if something is separate from school it's not so intense, more friends (than the fact that they are just in the same class).

Thank you both, I agree building resilience is so important and it won't happen if I'm a nervous wreck before she's even started!