Motherhood. Am I meant to be this drained?

[TiredOlivia]

I have 2 DC aged 6 and 1.5yrs old. I am totally knackered. My 6 year old has just gone back to school but I don't drive so that involves 4 miles of (uphill) walking a day. The toddler wakes at 5.30am and is full on from the moment he opens his eyes. It is constant feeding people, dressing people, cleaning. I am a lone parent and have no help and no break. After school is manic with making dinner, bath times where they love to SPLASH and getting things ready for the next day. They're both in bed for 7pm and after I've had a quick tidy around and had my own tea, my eyes are literally shutting and I'm always asleep at 9.30pm. I love them and love being their mum but my God, am I meant to be this drained?

Kind of how it is I think. I'm in bed by 10 most days.

I was and I only have one. Sympathies to you, it's tough to be a single parent.

yes super tough. I am in the same situation as yourself, LP with no support, to be honest it was only when they went to school I felt like a human again. So go easy on yourself. Could be stress making it worse, take a break or a holiday or something away if you possibly can. Go to bed early each day.

It's relentless isn't it. We only have one and DH is very hands-on, but I am still pretty drained most evenings. I'm not surprised you're shattered. No real suggestions from me, apart from perhaps looking into using a bike (probably with a trailer, ideally an e-bike) to make the school run slightly easier. Even going uphill one way should still be less tiring and quicker than walking.

Make sure u take plenty vitamins plus iron.

We have two, aged 5 and 2, and it is relentless. In some ways it's got easier because they both sleep through at night (finally) but in many ways the demands are different, and with school starting there seems to be even more chores to do! I'm always tired, no matter how well I sleep (not that well these days).

Do you have any help nearby, family, friends? Doing it as a lone parent must be so hard. You definitely need to make sure you're looking after you.

Once your youngest is at nursery you’ll have time for you again. In the mean time do you have no friends or family who can support you? Even just a few hours for a hair cut or something?

I'm sorry op , but yes , it is usual to feel this way as a single parent. I remember struggling to stay awake while reading my youngest a bedtime story. It does get easier as they get older though.

Is there any way you can get some time for yourself?

I'm so sorry.

Yep relentless. Any chance someone near you could take your child to and from school some days? In exchange you could have their child over for playdates. I used to take a boy to school whose mum didn't drive a couple days a week. They gave us a gift certificate for a toy store at Christmas as a thank you.

I only have one but it’s just exhausting being a single parent. Everything lies on you all the time, no wonder it’s exhausting. I’m exhausted constantly. I think it’s normal.

I'm not a single parent but my husband works away more than half the year and yes it feels like Groundhog Day at times

If you are 2 miles from the school isn't there a bus for him.? We live 2 miles away so council provides transport for my child.

I work part time and it actually feels like a rest but I often look forward to 8pm when kids are in bed. Just to have some peace

Children take over your life but I guess as they get older that changes you just need to hang in there

God yes.

I really look up to you being a single parent because that gives you absolutely no day to day respite.

My DP is hands on with mine (7mths & toddler) and I can grab a shower, go for the occasional run or appointment without too much worry and catch up on sleep lost through the night (if you consider 7am a lie in though???!)

It’s fucking relentless and soul sucking. It’s wonderful of course, has it’s absolutely beautiful moments but I think it’s really important to acknowledge that two sides of motherhood can co exist.
You can love and cherish your kids but you can also openly admit it’s very very hard, and it involves levels of sacrifice you can’t be imagine beforehand. It takes every single bit of your life and squishes it into a pulp. You can really dislike elements of it whilst still being grateful and proud.

It’s draining. Emotionally, physically and mentally.

I feel like this OP

No wonder you're tired, that sounds exhausting

It's absolutely relentless. I have a 2.5yo and 1.5yo

Some days... Jesus Christ 😩

And this is me complaining with a DH around!

Any chance of moving the 6 year old to a closer school? Or learning to drive, or taking a bus?

It sounds really tough, I'm sorry you have no support

It does get easier though as they get older.

Yep
But think of the walking as your exercise.
It will get easier when the youngest is at pre school.
If mine got silly with splashing then the plug was pulled out

Being a mum is hard work, physically hard work!

Welcome to the real word, sorry if I sound unsympathetic but an 18 month old rising with the lark and a long walk to school isn’t out if the ordinary. Children are draining, that’s why Mother Nature seemed two parents necessary!

It gets easier as they get older.

‘Fraid so.

My first DC was a dream sleeper so I got plenty of rest but DC2 was the polar opposite. I remember virtually nothing from his first year. I was constantly ill with ear infections, coughs and stomach bugs.

It was very lonely in the early hours when even CBeebies wasn’t on.

I went back to work and it was frantic trying to do my hours and leave in time to collect DS1 from school before collecting DS2 from the childminder.

DH was working away for most of that year, too.

I do not remember it fondly at all.

Sorry it's hard op.

Have you thought of:
Teaming up with another mum nearby?
Sharing walk to school with another parent or seeing if someone can give a lift
Not bathing them every day - my two (1 and 3) have a bath twice a week and are fine with the odd wipe down in between
Eating with the kids so you only cook once
As pp said, make sure you have enough good food, water, sleep and exercise

It won't be like this forever

It’s relentless isn’t it. It does get easier when they get older, your children are still very young. My kids are grown up and I’m still in bed for 9 every night.

Thanks everyone. I think it is hard because pre children I had all these wonderful ideas of things I would do to make me a good mum. Read to them, play with them, take them out etc. Well I read to them and take them out, but I'm usually busy doing a million and one other things to play, whilst the DC are doing something they shouldn't be doing. I hope I'm a good enough mum to them. Just so very very tired.

I felt like that OP, loads of ideas about things to do and such guilt that I didn't have time. I think in truth as a LP without support it's so difficult to find the time for those things, so go easy on yourself. Take the pressure and guilt off. When they get a bit older it will be that bit easier. Maybe aim for one craft or play activity a week - keep your expectations low!

OP don't be hard on yourself. I'm sure you're great as a mum.

There's this stupid myth of the lovely mum who does nothing but bake cupcakes and play, it's never really been true for 99% of women. For most of history, mothers have been too taken up with all the washing (pre machines) and cleaning and cooking etc. Once they were old enough, kids would be sent out to play. Little ones would be expected to entertain themselves, or left in a pram to get fresh air.

Women who have enough money don't do the donkey work either, they pay nannies and cleaners and so on, so they can see their kids for nice, short periods.

For the sake of your sanity, recognise that running a house and taking care of kids is really hard and a bit crazy-making, especially when no other adults are around. Don't be hard on yourself. Your kids will be fine and they'll probably grow up to be more independent than kids who have parents hanging over them the whole time.

Get some adult company if you can, it'll make you feel much better!