To have lost some faith in humanity this year?

[ladybee28]

I've always been an optimist when it comes to human nature – believed the best of people, felt that hatred and aggressive views were always defence mechanisms with a lot of hurt behind them, and generally had faith that as a whole, people are pretty damn great.

It's not because I've lived an oblivious, charmed life at all; my mum had mental health issues, I've been in an abusive relationship, worked with people in the prison system... it's not as though I'm oblivious to what human beings are capable of.

But this year, and the past month in particular, I've really felt my convictions slipping on that front. I've seen so much utterly vile stuff on social media, watched people – in person – really go for the jugular on vulnerable members of society, and where I'd usually take the position that people in government are doing the best they can with the information and perspectives they have, I'm not so sure any more. And it's making me quietly furious, and incredibly sad, and I'm not sure what to do with everything I'm feeling.

It's felt like a real blow to watch a part of myself I always took strength from wither away, and I'm wondering if I'm just 'waking up to reality', as some people in my life would say, or if I'm giving up on a viewpoint that I should be holding on to tighter now than ever.

Is anyone else feeling this way at the moment?

AIBU for feeling some real despair?

(Am I opening myself up for exactly the kind of gunfire that's sparked this thought process by posting this on AIBU ?)

It’s a good question. I always think when people say ‘this is reality’ that, no - this is your reality - doesn’t have to be mine. I really think that negativity from some people is their way of offloading complex emotions they can’t deal with so if you turn up happy it is easy to dump on you as your defences are down.

I have often thought am I being unrealistic but if you can make the sun shine in your life then keep doing so- you don’t know when you will need it. Do not let them persuade you otherwise, I think as perhaps life is different for them because they have never had your qualities/ perspective, etc - doesn’t make their view more valid than yours even though it can feel it.

😀 smile on!

Sorry not quite the point you were making - I just mean hold onto what works for you as you don’t sound unreasonable and realise that media articles in particular frame a particular thing one way to make a point - it is not the only way to see things.

I honestly feel like people are more stupid and more selfish than I had ever considered.

Researching skills are poor, thirst for knowledge is poor, reasoning is poor.

Our education system has been spewing out bigots and small minded people. It needs to be addressed.

Online yes - but then the format itself is about that - it is not a proofread, thoughtful, professional space. It’s intentionally the opposite - a place to spew out your anger and rage for click bait.

But real life is much bigger, more complex, changing and organic than that.

I actually feel the opposite: the generous support given to vulnerable local people in my community has been heart-warming. I don’t do a lot of social media but the local Facebook groups have been fantastic.

Yes - and so much of the reaction to covid at first was to be genuinely concerned about people.

Maybe try looking at some of the good things people have done , OP.
Like the thousands of people that volunteered to support the NHS. All the people who quietly got on with shopping for their neighbours, or people in the community they'd never even met. The care staff who lived in tents or left their own families to protect the residents in their care. All the millions and millions who have just on with following the rules without complaining. The people who have volunteered for vaccine trials.
I'm sure there's plenty more examples if you look for them 😃

SM and journalism are illusions. Try not to have your perception skewed by this.

Sonds like your instinct is to be positive whereas may be others don't have that? But I think the other posters on here are correct - whilst life is a thing that happens, volcanoes, pandemics, earthquakes, famine are awful but everyday people do amazing things despite this. that is a perspective worth holding on to, I think.

I also think a lot of negativity is another way of saying - I can't be bothered so it is easier to believe there is no point. Life is beautiful, even when it doesn't feel like it. Nature is beautiful. Yesterday. two goldfinch chicks were on our washing line in the garden. The parents were on the feeder eating food they would then digest and regurgitate for the chicks who were probably out of the nest for the the first time. Each time the birds go to the feeder they shake a bit of seed on teh ground which is the cue for the stray black cat that stalks around to try and jump up and catch one. If those birds knew the claws the cat had, the sharpness of its teeth, the distance it could jump it would hardly seem worth all their effort and on one level they know he is there as a threat, but they got on with their business preparing food for their chicks who sat on the line watching the cat in bemusement.

Sorry - got a bit philospophical there but it made me laugh watching them

Satellites wiped out in a solar surge. Putin invades eastern Europe. The virus mutates much worse.

Society would break down in about 14 days. We would try to continue as normal for the first week. Over the first weekend friends and family would look for themselves. Fear would take over. Halfway during the middle of the following week, nobody would log on. The internet would go down by the second weekend.

Game over.

@Manolin

You need to stop reading such bad sci fi

That’s a very precise timetable you have there Manolin.

Those are just examples. Anyone of those could happen.

My bet is on a Putin-type scenario. Either he does something in his reign or he inspires an equivalent in China or elsewhere. His politics and his peoples' aims would take us back to a very dark era they have wave wanted to recapture for decades.

The timetable is based on meetings I have attended at various points in my career which have a military, logistics industry and treasury background. If you had been in those events it would have made sense then as it does now.

I do not read fiction Donna. What we have now is a gift. We are not time travellers.

There is beauty in everything today - even the shittiest situations are giving you information that you need beyond your wildest dreams. At its best, social media is a drug that blanks the truth out. At its worst, you are now dependent upon it and no politician or civil leader you put your faith in has the intelligence, power or even resolve to change it.

For a long time I've suspected that 30% of people are selfish, arrogant wankers . Can't say this year has surprised me .

megletthesecond I'd think not a great deal different.

There are some things that have been positive, such as the love for the NHS and the amounts of money donated to some charities. However, the fact that there are still some people who think that the current government has done reasonably well or even adequately is awful.

I work in retail (large supermarket beginning with T. Connect the dots lol) this last half a year has really shon a light on just how awful huge swathes of society are. It was always there, it’s just been bought to the forefront. The selfish nature of many people, the blatant disregard for others in society, the I’m alright jack attitude many people have. It was always there. This has just made more people realise it.

Thing is, it's not just COVID-related stuff, and it's not just online.

I've seen physical fights break out in supermarkets over mask-wearing / social distancing.

A number of rafts have arrived near where I live carrying migrants from developing countries, and they've been victims of attacks by people throwing stones at them / blocking Red Cross access to bring supplies to their accommodation.

A friend of mine speaks out regularly about the protection of woman-only spaces in the trans debate, and has received rape threats posted through her letterbox.

Even the way people drive at the moment seems particularly "Screw you, I'll do what I want".

As you say, @SicParvisMagna it's something about the 'as long as I'm fine, fuck you' mentality that seems to have emerged with a new level of force recently...

Agreed. I don’t think it helps that we’re lead by a government that do what they want, with the same blatant disregard to people. People see it from the top down, and think “well if they can get away with it, I can too!” If ministers can go in shops not wearing masks, the man in the street won’t see a reason to. When an unelected government advisor can drive half way across the country and give a bullshit answer that he’s “testing his eyesight”, what hope is there for the little man to follow rules? As soon as that happened, people thought fuck it. If they can do what they want I will too and sod anyone that tries to get in my way. Selfishness rules the roost I’m afraid.
The amount of people I have had literally reach over me while I’m putting out clothes (I’m talking arms over my shoulder level of closeness) to reach something in front of me, no mask etc is shocking. Even during lockdown we blatantly had people from out of the area in shopping down for the day. Friends meeting up. Yet my FIL died (non Covid reasons but still totally out of the blue) back in April and we couldn’t be with him when he died and so he died alone. Even my MIL didn’t see him from when he was carted off in an ambulance. We couldn’t see him in hospital. Wasn’t allowed to see him in the funeral home. My husband couldn’t even help carry the coffin. We couldn’t even touch the coffin! And yet we all had to abide by the rules while people deliberately and knowingly flouted them. It’s made me very, very bitter.

People are stressed and there are fewer certainties than a year ago. Contrary to popular belief, this generally leads to bad behaviour. Always has done. Eg we talk about "spirit of the blitz" but there was a fuck of a lot of law breaking, disregard for others, assault and abuse throughout the war years in the UK. Most people do not respond well to sustained pressure.

I suspect that this may be, at least partly, confirmation bias, @ladybee28. For whatever reason, you started noticing more of the nasty stuff online, and that made you think about it, and now you spot even more of it every time you look - you are expecting to see it, so you do.

I do also agree with @ViolettaJauntyVioletta that people are more stressed at the moment, and that the pressure we are all under may have contributed to this.

It might help you if you searched for some more positive things online - things that would enrich your life - for example, last year, I tried to listen to a new piece of music (new to me, and from every genre from Renaissance church music to modern pop) and to read a new poem at least once a week - more often if I could manage it (I never managed daily, but used to find new music and poetry 4-5 times a week). It doesn't have to be poetry or music - you could search for beautiful landscapes, or go onto Pinterest and fall down a craft related rabbit hole (quilts, embroidery, stained glass - anything beautiful).

Or you could look at the Woolly Hugs threads on here, or the Woolly Hugs website - to see that there are still good people out there, on the interweb, trying to help people.