To think that I'n a terrible mother

[WhyohWhyohhWHY]

Sorry if wrong board...wanting traffic.

I'm having a real hard time atm with my LO and feel I'm totally failing as a mother.

He is 19 months old. Still not walking, not talking and waking more than once each night, meal times are just soul destroying and yes he still has a bottle at night.

I'm totally exhausted and on my knees.
I work too and finish at 6.30pm home for 7pm three nights a week.
Not ideal I know as means bedtime is later than I would like.

I've got into a bad routine of settling him downstairs as my husband says we don't see each other if settling upstairs, but wondering if moving upstairs to settle would be a better choice to get him down a little earlier (currently 8-8.30) He doesn't self settle at all and can't be left in his cot to just cry (due to medical issue that hopefully will finish soon) if I say what it is it will give me a way completely, but he basically isn't allowed to overheat, and screaming for time at length causes exactly that.
I put him to bed every night, my husband goes to him the first wake (usually 10pm) and I do in the night wakes, he then gets up with him over the weekend in the mornings to let me catch up. We chose this way as it works for us, if he sees to him on the night I'm only awake anyway as it takes him a long time. (Before anyone comments about her husband doing it)

I'm getting constant comments about his development delays, mainly from the in laws, and feel it's some how my fault. Do I not teach him enough? Am I not offering stimulation? I don't even know what toys to buy as I'm hopeless at knowing what a child needs.

I've messaged the HV twice for help, and still not heard back. We haven't been seen by HV since he was 12 weeks old. We got one extra visit due to me being on antidepressants, but that's it.

Last night I was led in bed after settling him for the second time thinking I just wish I wasn't here. I don't want this life. I don't want my LO to suffer a crap life because he has an inadequate mother who doesn't know what she is doing and can't even teach him basics of life.

I look forward to going to work just so I can escape and be on my own, not be in constant demand and quieten my thoughts on why did I have a child? Why have a saddled a poor child with a mother who doesn't even want to be a mother.

I don't even know why I'm posting to an anonymous forum...I guess I just need to vent to someone. I have no friends anymore since being a mum as they aren't interested. I've given up messaging them trying to arrange get together's, calls or any form of communication. I just feel so alone.

@ShipshapeShore thank you. I
Do feel low, and very very alone.
My husband is great and is aware when I'm low and offers his help where he can.
I've said I will see how I am in a week encase it's exhaustion making me low, and if no different will call GP to review my meds.
Wasn't sure if it was PND my doctor told me you can get it upto the child being 1, so not sure if now that is our the age bracket

@WhyohWhyohhWHY

Maybe be should shut them in a room together and let them have a throw off!!!

I just want to thank you all for spending time to reply and offer much needed reassurance...it's made me feel better being able to talk to other parents who can see that I'm just going through a tough time.

Society puts such a strain on what the perfect parent is, that you find yourself constantly comparing how you match up and then feel such shame and guilt that you don't.

Thank you again for your kind words and time

You're in the thick of it. I really struggled with mine at that age. Made tougher for you as you can't sleep train.

Just know it really does get easier. I've hated phases of parenthood and at times have regretted ever having kids. Yet I've chosen to have another so it cant be all bad.

PS delays are not down to you. Mine have speech delay and I can guarantee you it's not due to not being spoken to! They just don't fit the mould for normal speaking time but I'm not concerned. It's ok for them not to meet milestone as long as they are healthy - it will come.

You sound exhausted and in need of some self care xxx

Please don’t feel like this! My 19 month old literally started walking the other day. And now he won’t stop (I do miss the days where I’d leave him on his back to grab something and he’d still be there) but they all do things at different stages! You are a great mummy, and soon your LO will be running around the place and you’ll be wondering what all the fuss was about xx

@WhyohWhyohhWHY I'm not trying to guess what medical condition your son has but I just thought I'd tell you about mine incase it is the same/similar. My DS has positional plagiocephaly and brachycephaly. He wears a corrective helmet for 23 hours a day and like your son cannot overheat. There are links with positional plagiocephaly and development delay. I'm experiencing some of these myself, although my son is only 9 months. Apart from sitting he is falling behind in just about everything else. It is very depressing and lonely when all other babies are living these independent lives , or so it would seem. I'm currently struggling to get him to hold any food to feed himself. He would rather I did it all.

You are doing great though. And push your GP for some proper guidance.

Thanks again for all of your kind words. It was really helpful and I'm having a better week this week.

Just coming back to ask you all if you have any suggestions for starting a better night routine? Atm he goes to bed between 8-8.30 wakes in the night for anywhere between 10 minutes to 2 hours, and wakes at 8am.

I want to get him to bed earlier, but have to take into account 3 nights a week I'm not home until 7pm.
By this point he is bathed and in his pj's by my mum who looks after him for me.
I need the routine to be the same every day, so needs to take these three nights into account.

Thanks