What do you send your children when they leave home? Little presents, funny texts, other ideas?

[loveyouradvice]

With so many of our children heading off as a new academic year starts, I'm looking for great ideas for things to send them... helping them feel loved and appreciated as they start to settle into their new lives.

And yes, I'm unashamedly seeking more ideas... it feels such a rite of passage.

What I've done so far -

• a heartfelt card with love and a Costa card
• daily texts with photos - dog doing daft things, dad working in the garden
• little notes in new socks I bought, so each pair has a warm or funny message in it...
• present hidden amongst the towels, florentines and great coffee

Thinking of sending...

• laminated cards with favourite recipes - French toast here we come!
• longing for more ideas

Writing that makes me feel sentimental for when secondary school started and the joy of one's first mobile - texting daily jokes to puzzle over, answer only arriving hours later...

Whether YABU or YANBU depends entirely on how your children will feel receiving all of this stuff!

Mine were very keen on doing their own thing/making their own way when they left home - so we didn't do any of this. But I have no idea how they would have reacted (privately) if we had.

I do think, though, that sending stuff daily is a bit too much, and the danger is that this is for your benefit and not actually for theirs - you do need to let them go. Difficult though that can be.

In the kindest possible way, I think sending numerous daily messages/photos and frequent little gifts etc may be seen by your child as a bit too much, when they want to be off doing their own thing. When I was a student (before the days of mobiles etc) it was a standing joke in my flat that my mum would phone the flat every day and always at an inconvenient moment. We laughed about it, but it was a bit embarrassing.

Instead of daily messages etc, how about sending something practical once a week eg delivery of nice snacks etc that can be shared with friends.

DS (about to start third year at university) likes receiving photos of the family pets via WhatsApp.

In the first term he asked us not to send parcels as it meant going to a building on the far side of the student village during certain hours to collect them, and he had enough to think about.

I go with the flow depending on the child
2 have left for uni, 1 came back and them moved out

At uni I wanted them to have a great time and not think about having to please me. Daily texts and even worse gifts sounds OTT and smothering

My DS is about to go to uni and would absolutely hate little notes or being sent things constantly.

He is an only child and I will miss him desperately but it’s time for him to spread his wings and gain his independence.

I agree that you seem to be doing this for you rather than for your DC.

I’ll get the odd supermarket shop delivered if we can coordinate and pop some money in his bank account occasionally and obviously text him and hope he replies!

Maybe you could access some counselling to help you with the separation?

Or get a hobby? Book club?

Lots of people get a puppy?

They are all lovely ideas OP but I feel like some of this might be more for you than your child?

I dont mean for that to sound catty, it's the sort of thing I'd like someone to do for me but i know my oldest DD would hate this type of thing. I put a note in her lunch box once, she was furious! (Only 7 or 8 at the time!!)

We have a family WhatsApp group with all the children and share memes maybe once or twice a week. And always respond very quickly to texts.

Other than that, I am so sorry but I agree with the others. It’s time to let go now. maybe send your husband all those love messages instead. Best of luck.

Mine are certainly more keen to know about the dog than anything else. We have a WhatsApp group and randomly post

I sent my ds text messages , videos of his little brother doing something funny and called occasionally. He is v independent. When he found out his long term gf had cheated on him I sent a parcel with lots of goodies in and a nice note ( had obviously spoken on the phone with him about it ) . My dd has just gone into her 2nd year when she was in her first year for the first few months occasionally I would send a boots /primark/costa voucher /nail set and a nice card we spoke on the phone probably 3 times a week. The 2 of them are completely different and my relationship with them both is different but tbh op that does sound rather a lot and is quite intense.

My mum would send me letters when I was at uni (pre-mobile phone era). Usually they would just be little notes containing that month’s cheque for rent or books. They weren’t special - just contained bits and pieces about what she’d been up to, rows she’d had with my grandmother, trivial stuff. When I found them a few years after she died they mattered so much more than any “special” thing she’d sent me, because they were just so normal - they were such a little snapshot of life when she was around.

So personally, I would say keep it simple - a letter a month will be more meaningful than a daily text x

Thank you.... I hear what you are saying!

ChazP love that reflection and so agree... letter writing a lost art form and I so remember those letters from my mum too....

We certainly aren't planning to ring daily squeeky though I do know mums who do... sussing it with her she's keen on a couple of times a week just to start with, and then we think it'll settle down to once a week or so....

Think I am going to concentrate on the dog photos!! Family pets can do no wrong....

But still love ideas for the odd thing moving forward .... the Costa card I think I picked up from someone on Mumsnet and was a great idea.

And love to hear what you liked when younger? It's true as a student I really had very little interaction with parents, ringing at most once a week from the callbox and only getting the odd letter from them....

Are they staying in halls? If so be careful what you send as they may not arrive at all, especially gift cards. Send via amazon locker or post office pick up.

A friend suggested an ‘in case of emergency’ framed with a £20 note which proved useful when bank card got swallowed. Send a shopping delivery every so often to top up including luxuries and some booze and visit once or twice a term to take supplies, out for a meal etc but don’t expect them to spend every minute of your visit with them.

Daily messages, photos, texts etc to them is ott but part of generally family chatter WhatsApp group they can dip in and out of would be fine.

Find things to fill your time and give you child space. Easier said than done I know.

Eldest (24) is in the forces but comes home every weekend as he hates his base and only works Monday-Friday anyway. I might drop him a text during the week but in general he phones if he fancies a chat or needs anything otherwise we catch up at the weekend. I think he speaks to his Dad more but thats fine.

Middle child is post uni and struggling to find a job in uni city, I probably whatsapp him every couple of days or so and he sometimes phones for a chat or I might ring him whilst on my way home from work if he's had an interview or something.

Youngest has been away from home since 16 - whatsapp several times a week, during sport season I will see her every week as I travel to where she's playing. She often messages asking for help composing emails or applying for stuff. Probably have most communication with this child but maybe because she's female!

I might occasionally take them cakes when I visit or send them back after holidays with extra food but they were far too busy making friends and adjusting to college/uni life to need me! I let them decide how often they needed to communicate with me and accepted that sometimes its more often than others! They all know that I'm here for them and if they need me at any time day or night that all they need to do is call and I will drop everything. Has happened once with eldest and twice with youngest.

I never went to Uni so didn't have any experiences to draw upon

Remembering my days as a student, a card with £20 was greatly appreciated!

Send traybake cakes or fudge 😁

I used to love it when my mum wrote me a little notelet, and I've kept several of them.

Or get an occasional mail order cake delivered to him.

I would only do physical things once in a blue moon though. Seeing your list makes me think your thinking of doing that much more regularly than I think most people would be comfortable with, boys especially.

I'm pretty sure you can email somebody a coffee (Costa).

None of the above. My dds phone me most days though.

I think this is so sweet. I wouldn’t have expended this from my parents, but I’d have loved it!

Sending food parcels (traybakes, treats etc) wpuld probably be welcome, or organising a big supermarket delivery now and then with staples to keep them going. The odd fiver in a card, regular messages. All the things you’re doing really! But don’t feel you have to overextend yourself, you are definitely going above and beyond already.

I try not to cramp their style or insult their independence but want them to have little gifts every couple of months. I send dry foods: fajita kits, curry kits, interesting, tasty packet mixes and sauces. For when its close to occasions like Halloween, Easter, friends birthdays, i send decorations, fancy serviettes. I recently sent posh air freshers, those toilet hanging blue loo thingies and scented drawer liners.

I'm gonna send all 3 of mine cards full of glitter! How'd you like cleaning it up then boys?! Mwah ha ha

I don't think I spoke to my parents for 3 months after I started Uni I was too busy having fun and they left me to it (pre-mobiles but I had a landline in my room).

I suppose it may be different now if they are used to communicating by mobile frequently. Everyone's different but I'd feel smothered by that level of contact.

My daughter can't wait to go and can't bear us fussing about. I'm making a cake for her to take and we'll see how the rest goes once she's there. It does sound a tad smothering and clingy OP, although nice if you know she'll appreciate it.

@MinnieJackson I like your style!

OP it all sounds a bit much tbh... Weekly call and maybe a fortnightly parcel is a normal level in my opinion!
I remember my parents didn't call for 2 weeks when I left for uni, I finally rung them and was upset they'd forgotten about me so fast, and my mum said she didn't want to "cramp my style"!
She used to post me flapjack once or twice per term. My brother got the same and one of his housemates used to text her directly thanking her!

I admit that I might have been overstepping the mark here.

I paid for a vegetable box to be delivered to DS every week.