To want/expect my 14 year old daughter (ASD) to have a friend ,..?

[josben]

Feeling sad that after lockdown and not seeing any school friends, DD is on her own at lunchtimes/break in learning support as year groups are in now in Bubbles. ( Dd prefers to go to learning support as its a familiar, secure place).

DD is in a mainstream school and She has always struggled with friendships, but it seems like things are getting harder after Covid ....

I’ve bought this up with school and they’ve said they will try to help ,..

since Covid DD has started a tennis club and horse riding ....
I don’t know what else to do .... :(

are there any asd support groups near you where she could spend time with other asd kids? My ds has found his only 2 friends through a group near us. I'll be honest unless there is a computer involved they don't exactly play together it's more parallel play but they get companionship from it.
Unfortunately at 11 most boys aren't interested in the things ds is except for computers but ds is more into coding than gaming

It's tricky but my ds has found friends at secondary - mainly by joining clubs. Pretty much every single one of his friends also is autistic/aspergers and it was the same in primary (he had one friend there). Are there any other autistic girls she can be buddied up with. I'm not saying all autistic people are the same or can't be friends with NT kids but just giving my sons experience

I think most friendship issues come down to finding your tribe and agree maybe you'd be better off looking outside school?

Is it you who's wanting/expecting your DD to have a friend, or DD herself?

If she's happy don't push it because you expect (your word) a child to have friends. She might enjoy doing her own thing alone due to ASD and other people just annoy or frutrate her, and actually make life tricky for her.

I’ve never met a child with ASD, and I work with hundreds, that didn’t want a friend. Many found it too difficult/overwhelming but they always wanted peer interaction when it was set up to be successful.

Are there not other children in learning support? Most places I ve been at have friendships within this. Sometimes they take a NT child in with them as well.

Thank you so much for your posts , there is only one.other boy from DD’s year that sometimes goes to LSC and DD calls him her ‘ frenimie ‘ lol ! So that’s not ideal

I do think DD would love a friend / friends - but she does find some socialising a bit much sometimes ,

There is an ASD group she goes to nearby but they aren’t meeting at the moment due to covid

I just feel very low when i think of her on her own at breaks etc - I sometimes think - how has she not clicked with any friends at a relatively big school with lots of children in it ,,,?

i’ve been looking at social skills training etc to try and help the situation x

Has she had any friends at school at all whilst there? Has it just changed due to being in support? If she does have friends could you not encourage online interaction/skype etc?

If she has little to no friends, you're doing the right thing by trying other external clubs. School could look into a buddy system. My own DD is autistic and has struggled in the past but has now made a couple of good friends she stays in contact with. She has found out that some people just don't get her, they can't read her (or her them for that matter) or understand her special/intense interests, or why she is quite quirky. I really sympathise OP as it's so hard. How does your daughter feel about it?

With my nephew it didn’t happen for him till college, he wanted friends as a child but not his peers he always sought out adults. So once he became an a young adult he found himself in groups without realising.

Thanks for your posts -@ShawshanksRedemption, she has one friend but she has said that he’s not allowed in to LSC due to social distancing, but before covid , there would be more children in LSC from all years. - i will ask school about a buddy system .
My daughter doesn’t said too much about things although i’ve heard her say that she doesn’t have any girls that are friends and she doesn’t get invited to parties / although she said that very matter of factly. I am probably more upset about this than her ... i suppose i think of what she is missing out on . Thats great that your daughter now has friends
@Boulshired yes my DD has always got on better with adults , am hoping it’s gets easier for her as she grows up - glad to hear your nephew is doing well now x