To ask when this ends?

[AnonMcAnonanon]

I have one DD aged 9 months. I am a SAHM. My DP works 9-5 mon-fri.
I cannot cope anymore I need a break. Recently she has been horrific. Crying and an awful whinging noise for no reason. Can’t leave the room, can’t put her down. Constantly fighting sleep and waking up in the night. DP, her dad, does fuck all but moan at me. Yet I’m up at 3am with her cos she wakes up. I have her by my side 24/7 and he’ll watch me sit her on my knee whilst I go to the toilet without offering help.
When will I start enjoying being a SAHM cow I cannot fucking cope anymore I feel like caving my head in.

@OwlinaTree

Would you consider going back to work and using some form of child care? It would give you a break.

That is the answer! Life improved greatly for me when I returned to work part time. I started to enjoy being alive again.

Its a tricky age, and they do grow out of it, (the baby that is). If asking for a break doesn't work you need to get creative. Can you order your shopping online, have it ready to collect and tell your husband you are going to do the shopping, don't ask, you must be just walking out the door as you tell him. Then sleep in the car and pick up the shopping on the way back.

When I was on maternity leave dh used to get back from work at 6pm and take over the kids, either cooking dinner or bathing them together. 3 times a week I went to group personal training sessions from 8-10pm. Baby would cry for me but he'd have to cope. Why does your partner do nothing while you struggle just because he has a job? Lots of parents work, so what? He's weird

Your boyfriend is a twat.

However, unless you’re independently wealthy, you’re in a very vulnerable given you’re not married and you’re not working.

What’s your housing arrangement?

He doesn’t sound like a long bet long term. I’d suggest returning to work full time and ensuring you have financial independence to care for you and your daughter as a single mum in the future. May not happen, but you need to be prepared.

I agree with others your DP is a twat. Start planning your exit. Get a job, honestly it's such a break!!

Can you return to work?
Your partner sounds horrible. Has he always been like this?

And YY to previous post, you have made yourself very vulnerable indeed by becoming a SAHM without being married. I would return to work ASAP and work on becoming financially independent, regardless of whether or not you stay with the manchild. Why has he not married you, since he clearly expects you to be the homemaker?

Why are you a stay at home parent? It isnt the right thing for everyone. Can you go back to work/ get a job?

SAHPs have all my respect and admiration, but if you aren't enjoying it, you'll be a better parent for getting time away.

I was fortunately enough to be able to work half-days when my dd was growing up.

As for your partner, he doesn't sound like he brings anything good to your life.

I find being sole parent hard work, I was quite glad to go back to work and use childcare. Is that an option for you? He is a parent too sahm doesn't mean you do all the parenting. You need to have the odd break too!

I agree with pps!- get rid of your awful boyfriend and get a job.

It’s all going to feel much worse with someone who doesn’t do anything to help- who just does their job and then sits about.

Also, pp are right that you shouldn’t be a SAHM and depend on someone without being married (unless you are very rich independently or something!). If this toss pot ups and goes a few years done the line, you have nothing to show for that time and your career prospects are damaged.

Got to work and get some childcare. You can even get a cleaner if you want!

Being in a relationship\marriage is meant to be a partnership. Having a child is the same. Both partners need to help the other as much as possible

I would suggest that when your DP gets home from work he looks after the baby for an hour, on his own. You can go upstairs and have a cup of tea, a bath or even a lay down. Something, anything, it doesn't matter

It doesn't have to be the second he walks through the door but you need time out.

My DP takes DD 18 mths on a walk in pushchair every evening for upto an hour. He's been doing this since she was four months old, she often sleeps. He enjoys it, baby likes to get out and it gives me ME time

Being a SAHM doesn't work for everyone, it didn't for me, I need to work.

Your DP needs a kick up the ass or kicking to the curb.

To answer your question first, you'll probably start to enjoy being a SAHM more when your DD starts saying her first little words and communicating with you. When you don't have to guess what she needs, because she can tell you. It gets so much easier after that, and so much more enjoyable.

That's also when your partner might want to make it look like he was involved in getting her to that stage. He isn't and he will not have been by then. He won't know a single thing about her. Then his pride will be hurt and it will become your fault. Probably "he would have helped but you keep telling him he's doing it wrong so he leaves you to it". He's doing it wrong because he's never fucking done it before.

I know you can't just say "I'm going out" and leave her with him for a few hours. You'll come back and she won't have been fed, won't have had her nappy changed, he'll be playing a game or watching tv and ignoring her, saying he tried but she wouldn't stop crying so he's trying not to spoil her. Your instincts won't allow you to let her suffer needlessly.

The only advice I can give you that will honestly help at this stage is to speak to your GP. If they say they're only dealing with urgent calls, this is urgent. Your mental health is suffering and you need to talk to a person who understands and can tell you why you're feeling the way you are. They may be able to refer you to somewhere that can help.

Does he ever cook? Does he ever tidy or wash dishes/do the dishwasher? Put the bins out? What are his responsibilities in the home aside from working 9-5.