To be so worried about DS starting school today?

[NuttySquinter]

Ds is non verbal and has diagnosed autism.

He is starting mainstream reception later this morning.

I haven’t slept well at all, gave up completely an hour ago and since then have ironed all uniforms, packed and repacked bags.

I feel like a terrible parent, I wanted to get him a statement before he started, but was put off by nursery and school staff who said they would ‘see’ if he needed one when he started.

I know with previous dc that once friendship groups are established in the first few weeks that’s generally how they stay, and I just can’t see how he will make any friends.

Sorry for the disjointed rambling, I just keep crying and thinking about his poor bewildered face, sat on his own in the playground.

Early pregnancy hormones and lack of sleep aren’t helping, I am usually so positive about ds/his autism, but it’s like a panic has taken hold of me tonight.

Not exclusively an AIBU, I know, but was hoping someone out there might have faced similar.

@NuttySquinter I’m a reception teacher and I promise you the children are lovely when there are additional needs. Staff can assign him a buddy/support him in making friends IF this is something he’s interested in. Initially he may be happy to just stay with the adults and as long as he’s happy that’s ok too! Lots of time for getting him interested in other children once he has settled x

Your worries are completely natural. Does your DS value/notice other social interactions? Is he happy in a little world of his own? How is the school with ASD? Are there any mainstream schools with designated ASD units locally or would you consider a special school?

I’ve left teaching now. Many (not all) of my little ones with ASD generally preferred solitary play. We would join them incrementally to build up tolerance to others, then introduce shared play with other children. It was always well managed by adults.
Some of my most inspiring teaching years were in special schools. Their facilities are amazing and their pupils flourish especially our non verbal pupils.
My nephew transferred to a school with a unit and also came on leaps and bounds. He was also NV when starting school and was not toilet trained.

I’m a reception teacher and senco too. The teachers will make sure he’s ok I promise, children of that age are so kind and naturally inclusive, sending hugs x

Thank you for your kind words at this daft hour!

Everything always seems so much worse in the middle of the night.

Ds does love his solitary play, but I have seen him try to join other dc (at nursery). And he had other dc calling him by name whenever we left as they waved and say bye.

I’ve found over the decades that children that age are really accepting of each other, we worry so much because we care so much but I am sure all school staff will be supportive.

If other children have been calling him by name, I am sure it will continue. Are any of his friends moving up with him? I found the nursery and reception children fantastically inclusive. Many of them would effortlessly adopt the reduced language we would use with our NV children, when speaking with them themselves.
At snack time I even had a little girl who would watch out for one child with quite specific needs and encourage him to eat better than any of the staff could.

I remember 7 years ago sending my just turned autistic 4 year old to school. He had just learnt to speak a year before, but still had very limited understanding and vocabulary. He had only been walking for 18 months. He was completely in his own world. I was in bits about it. The worst thing was that he had no idea what was happening. With my other children they have all known they were starting big school and were excited and a bit nervous. He didn't have that concept of things that would happen in the future, there just seemed no way to prepare him. He didn't understand. He couldn't mark make or recognise his name. He couldn't put his own coat or shoes on. He was still in nappies at night and needed a dummy to sleep. It was really like sending a baby to school and it felt SO wrong..... But he coped really really well. The school were wonderful. They put loads in place for him. He made friends in his own quirky way and has progressed beautifully through primary school. He is now an 11 year old, who, although immature is very much in line with his peer group. He's done really well and I'm so proud of him.

It's really really hard... Best wishes for today!

My DS is autistic and attended main stream all the way through school. He is 18 now. The early years were 100 the best the kids are very accepting of anyone and the teachers are amazing too. Try to relax and enjoy this time it goes so very fast.

My son was non verbal. But he got a statement at nursery. We then got a place in a nursery with daily speech therapy. He then transferred to the school attached and continued therapy. It was in Bletchingley surrey.

As others have commented, I'm sure he will be fine - young children are so accepting of difference.
However, I'd recommend that you start the Statementing / EHCP process yourself asap! Schools/ LAs are fantastic at putting parents off because they are then legally bound to maintain the provision outlined in it. I wish I'd got one for my child much earlier - they told me she wouldn't get one - and she's now thriving in a specialist school.

@welshmum3

As others have commented, I'm sure he will be fine - young children are so accepting of difference. However, I'd recommend that you start the Statementing / EHCP process yourself asap! Schools/ LAs are fantastic at putting parents off because they are then legally bound to maintain the provision outlined in it. I wish I'd got one for my child much earlier - they told me she wouldn't get one - and she's now thriving in a specialist school.

This. While it’s not my personal experience I have several friends who have gone through the EHCP process. All of them were fobbed off by the school, told to wait until their child was older, they were too young for a diagnosis and so on. Unfortunately in each case by the time the EHCP was finally given the child was starting to struggle as they moved into the older years of primary. Get the ball rolling as soon as you can, the school will most likely tell you to wait but be stubborn and dig your heels in.

@NuttySquinter in a similar plsition you are and worried abt statting schoool in sept. Wondered if you had an update on your LO

My four year old has befriended a little boy in reception- from what gather the boy is nonverbal, and it seems my son interprets for him (ie he understand what the little boy wants/ needs). My son also has plenty of other friends (from nursery and newly made) - this boy is a new friend

Sorry, clicked post too soon… so I hope that your son settled well and will make some friends (if he wants)