to make ex sell the house

[DelilahDingleberry]

I still own a property with my ex. He lives in it, I moved out and rented. We share care of our children. He’s had two more children since we split.

We bought a house for £200k right before the 2008 crash, and separated a year later. It was in negativity equity (100% interest only mortgage) so we agreed not to sell at that point, but he would remove me from the mortgage ASAP.

It’s twelve years later and I’m still on the mortgage. I have recently found out there is now £30k in arrears and legal fees and that it’s been to court 4 times for repossession. No reason for non payment - he blames a big tax bill and poor mental health but has travelled extensively the last few years so I don’t buy it. He earns over £50k. He won’t let me get it valued but looking at Rightmove I think it’s worth about £265k so enough to cover selling costs and a small pot for us both to move forwards.

I’ve spoken to 3 solicitors and a mortgage advisor; they all say it needs to be sold and equity split equally. Ex won’t agree and has managed to turn our eldest completely against me - he says he has cut me out of his life and that I’m a bad person. Ex says I’m making them all homeless and that I have to trust him to pay it and then he will release me by remortgaging at some point in the future but doesn’t know when or how. The current mortgage is with a bad debt lender who don’t do transfer of equity so it would have to be a new lender entirely.

I feel like I’m stuck with a choice of financial security by selling the house or a relationship with my child.

Would you:
trust him to repay - YABU
or
go to court and sell - YANBU

Sorry, just to be clear, are you still paying for the mortgage? Surely if you’re on the mortgage is is all impacting your credit rating etc and I don’t understand why you also haven’t been chased for payments?

No we agreed he would cover the whole payment as he gets the benefit of living in the property. When we split he was earning £30k, I was earning about £8k.
They haven’t chased me as I never got round to giving them my new details.

You really need to see your credit report. If you're on the mortgage you are liable.

If it gets repossessed neither of you are likely to see any equity.

Start the mediation process. If he won’t attend then you should issue proceedings.

I’m not so worried about getting any equity - he doesn’t want me to have any as far as I can tell. I’m more bothered about not ending up being chased for a shortfall, or it being repossessed at all, or being stuck on the mortgage indefinitely if he can’t get a new mortgage

I think there will be very little equity in the house and as your credit will be shot to pieces due to non payment of the mortgage even if you do see say 30k you won't be able to buy as you won't be able to get a mortgage.

If you are receiving benefits a lump sum bigger than (I think?) 16k will mess them up?

Assuming you do actually own half the house which it sounds like I would sit tight. We bought in late 2007 and even without missing a single payment only have around 40-50k equity. It was a 30 year mortgage but in 17 years we will own one whole house. If your mortgage was 25 years in 2008 you will own half a house in 2033 ish - if your ex catches up with payments and it finishes on time. That will probably be 150k in 12 years rather than 30k - nothing or even a debt if sold now.

Bide your time. Tell your ex that you won't pressure him to sell but he must catch up the payments and until the house is sold half of it remains yours. You could tell him he has to sell when the youngest child is 25 or similar which allows for the mortgage being finished. You might be able to buy a small property in a cheap area outright with your half then.

One thing you should do is put an alert on the land registry to register your interest in the property and you will then be informed if your ex tries to sell it or take a further mortgage on it in the future.

It’s a 30year interest only, Winter, we’ll never own the house. He has no plan for paying the capital as far as I know. I don’t receive any benefits.

Re your comment the ex doesn't want you to have equity - if you own half the house then he won't have any choice. Both your interests should be registered against the house and the purchasing solicitor would need to make sure everything was done properly. If you hold as joint tenants you should change it to "tenants in common" you don't need his permission for this I don't think but otherwise if you die he will get your half and you probably want to will it to your kids. (although if he dies it's all yours if joint tenants so if he's in poor health you might want to chance it - joke!)

oh - i see you said interest only - yep that's shit! Whether it's worth seeing what it's worth at the end of the term? But your right if it's in arrears probably not worth the stress. I think forcing someone to sell is expensive though (through the court)?

Yes it is, £15-20k apparently, if he fights me all the way. Such a mess.

What age is your child? At least 10 obviously but if they are older side of the teens/an adult, could you explain the real position and that the house is probably gonna be snapped up by a bank if it’s not sold and you are actually trying to prevent a homelessness situation.

He’s 16 and diagnosed ASD. I explained it to him as neutrally as I could and he was calm. I was expecting him to be angry but he was okay. And then he went back to his dads and apparently now I’m a liar and a bad person who is kicking them out of their home.

You need this house sold or your name removed from the mortgage (which I don’t see happening as he’s defaulting) because you know yourself your going to be held liable and your credit is ruined.
Speak to your solicitor and get procedures started ASAP.