Is this normal for a 2.5 y old?

[Badmemories90]

My DS is 2.5 and is so much fun at home, except the odd major meltdown. He is chatty and excitable and funny.
However now the restrictions have eased, we have started seeing family and friends and when we do he goes mute! It can take an hour or two before he comes out of his shell. He will put his hand in his mouth and look away if someone is trying too hard to interact with him. If there are small children he comes out of his shell faster and starts playing, but with adults it's terrible. As soon as we get in the car he is a chatterbox again, and makes up for all the words he's kept in!

At the playground as well he won't go near anything if there are children around and will move away if other children come to join him. He is not scared but just stands back and watches until it is free again.

Should we be worried? He has had no issue at nursery at all, is happy to go and has made friends.

Any advice on how to help him? I get annoyed when people just stare at him and say "oh why are you so quiet? Give us a smile etc" as it just makes him worse. I find myself saying "oh he is just shy" so that people don't take it personally but maybe that's putting a label on him and making it worse? I do give him lots of reassurance and encourage him to interact little by little.

But for the first time today my partner and I wondered if there might be something actually wrong for a chatterbox to not say a word for two hours. We were seeing family he hadn't seen for 7 months.

Thanks for any advice!

Completely normal. My dd didn't speak to the teacher for the first 3 months of reception. Once she was out of school she never stopped!
I tell people to leave her and she will come round in her own time. I was a shy child and being pushed to interact by an adult you don't know very well can be terrifying.

No, I wouldn’t be concerned. Perhaps it’s too much pressure to perform! My four year old is the same, takes a little while to come around but once she has there’s no stopping her.
It’s been a strange time for children lately due to covid

My 4.5 yr old is very shy around strangers. Won't say hello or thank your when random strangers when walking our dog or when in a shop talk to us. He's a ball of fun at home so it's sounds normal.

Just teach him it is ok
Tell other people he needs some warming up time:)

My kid was a selective mute for months when he was about 2.5. After that he came round but was (and is) the shyest kid when we're out and about.

I taught him he doesnt have to speak when he isnt comfortable. To anyone.if he needs half an hour/ an hour: that is fine! But that he does need to say hello. please, thank you and bye. (he is just turned 5) because at home he is the biggest chatter box. So no problem with speach delay. Just shy. Which is fine
But doesn't give him an 'out ' to use basic manners. So he does that. Just 4 simple words. So he can be as quiet as he wants. But still use manners if he wants something or is given something.

Sounds normal to me - I used to be like this (and I'm broadly normal now ) My 2.5 yo DS takes a while to warm up with new people and can be very cautious about staying away from other children at play parks etc. He's fine with people he knows well, and is generally a happy little boy - just cautious when he's figuring things out.

My Ds2 was exactly like this up until about 6/7. He would do the 1000 yard stare, back off completely with both adults & kids. I will admit I found it really hard at times because I mistook it for him being rude. My mum described him as being like a cat, he needs time to assess and feel his way. Dont rush him just give him the space he needs to feel comfortable.

I was like this as a child and people put huge pressure on me to be social. The pressure made me really anxious and I remember it was a sad and stressful time of my life.

No wonder your son doesn’t want to talk to adults if there are being a bIt forceful about expecting him to interact when he is not comfortable. Who would like that? Some adults deal with this better and they let a quiet child have space to get comfortable.

I wouldn’t be apologising for your child by saying he is shy -Let him hear you framing everything in a way that is positive - so I would tell people that he is happy playing quietly for a while and will talk when he is ready - and then I would let him overhear you talking positively about him. I was given the message as a child that being quiet was a major problem - and something to be ashamed of.

This could just be a phase but if it turns out your child does have a quiet personality then life is easier if those around him let him be himself.

Thank you for all the helpful comments. I will keep giving him the time he needs. It also reminded me that I was like this as a child, I would be too shy to talk to my uncles/aunts until I was a teenager! I am pretty normal now!

I did get a bit worried that he was damaged by the Covid situation too! When we walk on the pavement, if he sees someone in the distance, he will stop, move to the side, and let them go past at a safe distance. I am a bit horrified at how natural it is to him... i am hoping it hasn't taught him that all strangers are a threat and that we must stay far away!

As a few PP have said too, I did worry that it made him come across rude. He physically can't get the word "thank you" out during his mute hour. As he gets older, I will explain to him it's OK not to speak, but he must keep his manners.

It also makes me a bit sad that people outside the home don't get to see his amazing personality, but that's my problem, not his!

Completely normal my just turned 3 years old is exactly the same. I also remember being the same as a child but obviously things have been made worse for the poor things by lockdown. My son has his first day at nursery today so I’m really hoping he will be ok with the other children but I think he will as like your son he seems to do better with little ones .

Both my 2 have been like this. I always felt like people thought I was
Making it up
When I would
Say ‘ but he doesn’t stop taking at home’!

Very. He has a good awareness of his comfort zone and is differentiating well between adults and children. Don't push him.

Completely normal. Both my second daughter and my son went through that phase. Just let him be quiet if he wants to be quiet, don't push it and he will be just fine!