To ask if this behaviour is normal

[ncd5785]

I've never felt I could ask anyone in RL whether this behaviour is normal, although my DM has stressed me out all of my life.

She gets very emotional about things and even if there's something trivial like a problem at home and an electrician needs to be called, she will get incredibly upset and annoyed and the whole day will be taken over by the drama it becomes turned into.

She doesn't respect boundaries at all and seems to expect a lot of other people. It's a kind of learned helplessness thing I think. However many times people have shown her how to do something (and she's perfectly capable of doing it) she will get angry, say the thing is broken or not working and someone will have to drop what they're doing and come and help her because it becomes such a drama.

If people don't respond to the way she's behaving, she will phone incessantly then turn up at someone's house asking them to do whatever it is she needs.

The thing that stresses me out most is the hysterical crying and wailing. She's done it on and off throughout me and my DSis lives, but I just don't know what to think and whether it's normal behaviour. If she's upset about something (for the last 2 years it's been the death of a relative), she will cry and wail from behind a closed door and this could go on for hours.

I know this behaviour might sound strange and concerning as though it could be the start of some degenerative illness but I'm sure it's not - she's always been exactly the same and her mother was similar. She's been to counsellors occasionally after I've persuaded her to, but she always ends up falling out with them at some stage.

I really hoped fellow MNetters could give me some perspective on whether this is common behaviour or not. Either way, it would give me a lot of reassurance to know.

thank you for reading

She sounds as if she has never learned to manage her emotions. I can relate as my mother also seems to have the emotional regulation of a child. Her mother was similar. I suspect the cause is early childhood trauma. You might find a book called Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents (Lindsay Gibson) enlightening.

It’s called borderline personality disorder.

Is there any way that you could contact her GP , just to make him/her aware of the situation.
He/she won't necessarily be able to act upon what you have said, but they would be aware when next, your mum has a medical appointment.

I'm sorry that your family is going through this.

Thank you to pps for replying

It's difficult to deal with it but through talking to a counsellor myself, I know that all I can change is my reaction to it.

I just wish I knew whether it's fairly "normal" or not, so I could at least feel that lots of other people are dealing with this kind of behaviour too or if it's rare and it's not surprising it has got to me so much,

I wish there was a magic fix for it. I know there's not, but if I could understand a bit more about what it is and where it comes from, I might be better equipped to deal with it

@ncd5785 no OP. It is not normal and it is not fair that you've had to deal with this all of your life,

@roarfeckingroarr thank you - that's really kind of you to say

I really feel for you op. My own mother has a difficult personality. Cries a lot. Any small thing becomes huge e.g normal doctors apt. she will get into a state its cancer. We paid for private scans. Nothing. Next thing a few weeks later another crisis. Its very hard and attention seeking behaviour.
I have pulled away for periods of time to show that her behaviour doesnt warrant more of my attention. Other than that i cant advise.

But i understand. Its draining and tricky. Shes your mother and you want to enjoy her.