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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Boyfriend should I leave him?

27 replies

marzipaninyourpieplatebingo · 06/09/2020 14:01

Currently home alone self isolating.
My 5 yr old daughter has tested positive for covid so she and her sister have to self isolate with their dad
Feel so lost and so lonely and stuck home alone without my children for 2 weeks is making me feel so low. I don’t feel too well myself and am currently waiting the results of my own covid test. The results don’t really make a difference to me as I’m self isolating anyway just work wanted me to find out
My boyfriend has form for being selfish and thoughtless but I don’t know if I’m being over sensitive because of how I’m feeling?
He hasn’t been in touch since yesterday 2pm when he was just saying about what he was up to he hasn’t been in touch to ask how I am or how I’m feeling mentally or physically? I rang him around 6 but he didn’t return my call or reply to my messages yesterday (he didn’t read them till around 1130pm)
He text this morning just once to say his test results came back negative and hopes mine turn out ok and that was it?
I feel so low and so sad, am I being over sensitive or should I just walk away now
The thought of dealing with this on top of everything else is really getting to me but I’m staggered today and I just don’t know how I’m supposed to feel?
Am I overreacting?
Sorry for the rambling but I’m so low

OP posts:
SummerHouse · 06/09/2020 14:05

With kindness, yes I think you are probably overreacting. Do you love him?

SummerHouse · 06/09/2020 14:06

Flowers sorry you are on your own and lonely. I would hate to be without my kids for two weeks especially if they were ill.

Original poster
marzipaninyourpieplatebingo · 06/09/2020 14:06

Yeah I do but he’s known for being pretty selfish and thoughtless so this is why I wanted to check on if I’m overreacting as I’m so low xx thanks for replying with kindness

OP posts:
user12642379742146 · 06/09/2020 14:09

Why are you in a relationship with someone selfish and thoughtless who makes you doubt your own judgement and feel you're overreacting for having normal human emotions?

Original poster
marzipaninyourpieplatebingo · 06/09/2020 14:11

You are right, I’m looking at myself now and wondering what I’m doing tbh Sad

OP posts:
Lollypop4 · 06/09/2020 14:11

I'd say feeling rubbish and alone is'nt helping towards the way you feel about your DP right now...
But I would hope my DP would message or call a bit more if I was unwell and alone.

Hope you're feeling better soon

Aquamarine1029 · 06/09/2020 14:13

Why are you with him if he's so selfish? What kind of example do you want to set for your children? Since you have to isolate, now is the perfect time to get rid of him. One text is all it takes and then block.

SummerHouse · 06/09/2020 14:14

Well he is getting no awards for boyfriend of the year. He probably doesn't think anything of the situation or know that it's affecting you but that is insensitive of him. I would call him and tell him you are sad and struggling and upset. Give him a chance to make it up to you.

Howyiz · 06/09/2020 14:15

he’s known for being pretty selfish and thoughtless
Why is there even a doubt in your mind?

AzraiL · 06/09/2020 14:15

If he's had his own test could it be possible that he is also feeling under the weather OP? Or did he just get one as a precaution?

Somethingkindaoooo · 06/09/2020 14:15

Was he doing something else last night?
Does he have kids etc.

If he was just sitting in front of the tv, then I would be a bit upset too, but if he was busy with kids then I think I would let it pass.

Hope all is ok with you and your kids

Original poster
marzipaninyourpieplatebingo · 06/09/2020 14:15

He hasn’t met my children
I am in no rush to do that

OP posts:
vanillandhoney · 06/09/2020 14:16

Sorry you're feeling rubbish Flowers

But I imagine you missing your children and feeling unwell isn't helping with your overall mood. Can you take some time out to get better and see how you feel in a few days?

Aquamarine1029 · 06/09/2020 14:17

You're obviously not very happy in this relationship. Just end it already.

Original poster
marzipaninyourpieplatebingo · 06/09/2020 14:17

He is just sitting in front of the telly last night and today not doing anything else

He only had a test because of my child and him being around me, purely precautionary

OP posts:
JER27 · 06/09/2020 14:23

Men simply have lower levels of oxytocin (the empathy hormone) than women do, so he is not necessarily selfish or thoughtless - he is just a man. Vive la difference!

Brighterthansunflowers · 06/09/2020 14:27

So he has been in touch, if he text you this morning, did you reply?

You may be overreacting in this instance because you’re feeling crap which is understandable. But why are you with someone who is generally selfish and thoughtless? It doesn’t sound like it’s a very serious relationship yet, so when you’re feeling better I would suggest considering whether you want to get more serious with someone who’s selfish and thoughtless or whether you should cut your losses and run.

Original poster
marzipaninyourpieplatebingo · 06/09/2020 14:29

Yeah I’m not rushing into sending any emotionally charged messages or phoning him to vent or anything...just wish he could have thought how crap this is for me and reach out, ask if I needed anything, even just a how are you feeling?
I don’t ask for much off him, just a bit of care and thought?
Thanks to all for replying I do appreciate it

OP posts:
cornflowerblue30 · 06/09/2020 14:29

I could be wrong but is it possible he resents having to get tested for Covid as a result of your poor dd? Had he plans he had to cancel to isolate whilst he was waiting results? Overall he doesn't sound very caring towards you and most of us will end up having to get tested for covid multiple times.
The text this morning saying how his test was negative and not asking how you are basically feels like he's annoyed with you.
Really hope you feel better soon but I don't think he's going to be a very supportive bf. Even if it's a newish relationship he should be showing more signs of caring.

Original poster
marzipaninyourpieplatebingo · 06/09/2020 14:31

Yeah he messaged just to tell me about his test result basically, nothing about me, just about himself, I replied that I was happy for him

I do need to give this some proper thought
We’ve been together 17 months, I don’t want to rush into anything too serious or full on until I’m sure myself as I want to put the children first always

OP posts:
Original poster
marzipaninyourpieplatebingo · 06/09/2020 14:34

That’s exactly how I feel he is being...resentful that I have ruined his plans maybe - was a drink with friends which happens every weekend anyway so hardly anything amazing but regardless I do feel guilty about it and have told him a few times that I’m sorry to put him In the position
Your right though it’s the lack of care and thought towards how crap this is for me and how low it’s making me feel is just making me question what the hell im doing tbh, hence why I posted to see if I’m just being over sensitive

OP posts:
Rewis · 06/09/2020 14:48

he’s known for being pretty selfish and thoughtless
Well maybe he is then?

As an isolated incident it's hard to say. Some people want no date ruin when they are feeling sick/down and he could be reacting just how he would want to be treated. But could be that he is being a bit of a shitty bf as well

PuntasticUsername · 06/09/2020 14:53

"Men simply have lower levels of oxytocin (the empathy hormone) than women do, so he is not necessarily selfish or thoughtless - he is just a man. Vive la difference!"

Fucks sake, now I've heard it all.

knittingaddict · 06/09/2020 15:04

Men simply have lower levels of oxytocin (the empathy hormone) than women do, so he is not necessarily selfish or thoughtless - he is just a man. Vive la difference!

No, no, no. What an utterly pathetic excuse for men who are arseholes. My husband is in no way unique, but somehow he manages to care about his loved ones and show that care. It's a shame that in all your years you've never met a decent man.

SandyY2K · 06/09/2020 16:00

When you say he's known for being selfish and thoughtless, is that your experience of him during the relationship or is it what others say?

You need to take him based on your experience with him.