Can someone help me please

[Faithfai]

Hi guys please could someone help me I just really need some advice. Much appreciated any comments thank you ..
Ok so I've been with my partner 2 years we have just moved in with each other he has children I have children .. he has just started working he has been out of work for a long time which I'm really proud that he has finally got a job but here comes the venting right bare in mind he did this before he got a job .. all's he does is sleep does not help me in the house he says that he regulates the kids well we have his children on a weekend and he don't get up until 1 in the afternoon which I think it's bang out of order when he should be the one making breakfast ect ect...(for his kids see considering there only here for the weekend) But he don't and they come to me. Now he is saying to me he wants to go and do his hobby ect ect during the week when he finishes work ok not a problem so your gonna be working until Monday to Friday go and see your friends to do your hobby .. then on the weekend we have 2 extra children which is supposed to be his time yet he is just sleeping it away .. then he told me the other day that when he got a job he is doing what he wants to do .. so we're do I fit into this ok I've been out of work for few weeks now I'm looking for a job while the children are in school but it's like he expects me to do everything in the house and make sure his dinner Is on the table when he comes home from work ..so we're do I fit into this I've told him I want to go back to college and the course is on a night time.. so who do I ask to watch the kids? Because he is not going to be here? And I'm far from family. And if I tell him that he can't go to his friends then I'm a control freak? Don't get me wrong he is a good dad when he is awake but what do I do? ... Also I'm feeling alot of resentment towards him ..it's like my life is on hold untill everybody in the house hold is seen to .. and I don't get any respect of any of them in the house .. if I've not done something like the washing because Ive had to go town and had phone calls to make he is mad because he has no socks ect ect yet I've asked him to peg it out or put on the radiators and he won't ... But it's my fault?

You arent moaning you are just stating the facts, he sounds like a first class cunt. Start making plans to escape and do not have any children with him, he is totally mugging you off. Does he go out every week night?

What does regulate the kids even mean, never heard that term

Just because he hasn't been physically abusive doesn't mean he isn't abusive. He is abusing your generosity and good nature for a start. He's a dead beat loser and a cocklodger. You can do better. Don't put up any man taking the piss. I also doubt very much whether he is a good dad

Havent heard of any parent ever who gets up at 1pm. Single parents, lone parents, married, cohabiting that is bang out of order. 9 or even ten at the weekend maybe if you have teenagers and they sleep in, but otherwise not.

unless they work shifts that is

Yeah I've just asked him why isn't he cooking dinner and he told me he is busy and I've just said well you shouldn't be doing that because the kids are here .. I've twisted my back also with picking his daughter up earlier yet he don't care
.. I think I won't give him the key when he leaves so he can sleep where ever he likes ... He probz won't turn onto work and say it's my fault .. I feel really shit guys 😭

he is a good dad when he is awake
No he isn’t. He isn’t even spending any time with them.
He definitely isn’t a good partner expecting you to do everything.
You need to move back out, he’s acting like this after only 2 months and he isn’t going to improve.

there's a reason he is no longer with the Mother of his children.
She realised that he is a lazy twat and decided she's better off without him.

Sorry OP but it sounds like the only thing you think this man has in his favour is that he’s not an active abuser—which is NOT a plus, it’s the absolute bare minimum. You are getting nothing out of being with him, and sorry I very much doubt your children do love him. He’s a waste of space slob dragging you down, and taking up your time which you would otherwise spend on your children and yourself.

If you want to be treated like this, you should get work as a PA and cleaner and get paid for it. That’s how he’s treating you. It’s the perfect situation for him, shit for you and the kids.

Quietly sort out somewhere else for you and your kids to go, then get out. Remember this is the “honeymoon phase”, if you stay with him in 3 years this will seem a comparatively great time! He’s shit and he’ll only get shitter.

No it's been like that for ages and he says it's because he can't sleep yet when he is home from work and has his dinner ect ect he goes for a bath then he is on bed or 8 pm ready for work the next morning at 6 ... But weekend he blames my son for waking everyone up at 8 in the morning that's why he is tired but he says his kids tend to sleep in untill 10- 11 which is bullshit because he has a 3 year old no 3 year old sleeps in untill that long unless they have been up all night and they haven't so,?

He sounds utterly dreadful. Don't waste another minute on him.

I agree with another pp who says he is abusing you, just in a different way.

Don’t feel shit! You’ve got loads going for you, and how a piece of crap like that treats you is not a reflection of your worth. Your self esteem is out of kilter and you’ll need to work on this—so next time a useless man comes along, he won’t even get a second date! Shit men like that can sense your low self esteem, they are leaches. I can guarantee you when you leave he will look for someone else to use.

You need to believe you are worth more, work on yourself and eventually you’ll find a guy who treats you like gold ❤️

As for "the children love him", young children love - or appear to love - their parental figures, even if they're treated terribly by them.

OP don’t even bother engaging with him in these conversations/arguments. He’s a shit dad and a shit partner—only thing to do is dump him. Don’t waste your time and energy!

Oh he sounds awful. The fact that he hasn’t physically abused you doesn’t mean that he’s a good person; he sounds so so selfish and you deserve much better than him

He is not a good dad!
How can you write all that and come to the conclusion that he's a good dad?

Anyway, he is taking the complete piss and will continue to do so until you get the hell out!

Get out as soon as you can, dont carry on looking after his children, leave him to it. And what does he mean by regulate the children, is he saying you need to train them in some way? He sounds vile.

So sad for you OP. Please tell us when you have rid yourself of this miserable excuse for a partner.

I seriously despair of the sheer volume of threads created by people who’ve made the mistake of moving in together FAR TOO SOON.

Why?! What’s the rush?

Then it’s usually compounded by the op complaining about behaviour of the partner WHICH THEY KNEW ABOUT BEFORE MOVING IN!

Why on earth do they think a person will fundamentally change?!

People don’t change in any way that is a basic part of their character.

If they’re lazy THAT WON’T CHANGE

If they’re tight/a spendthrift THAT WON’T CHANGE

If they’re jealous/possessive/controlling THAT WON’T CHANGE

If they’re flirty/disloyal THAT WON’T CHANGE

Don't get me wrong he is a good dad also sick of seeing this when it’s patently clear HE IS NOT

You know what to do op, but will you?

Dump his sorry, lazy, entitled, selfish arse!

And in the future:

Get therapy - how long were you split from abusive ex when you met this one?

Learn to be happily single rather than putting up with a shit man - I’ve been to all intents and purposes single for almost 18 years, not a nun! But not met anyone worth sacrificing my happiness, dds stability, my independence, my financial security, my personal security... I can do what I want when I want with nobody to answer to, I know exactly where I stand financially and any mess I clear up is mine! (Or dds when she was little but certainly as she got older she was expected to clear up her own mess). Bliss! Maybe go read some of the happy singleton threads on here too.

Get some assertiveness training - I honestly think this should be part of the state curriculum, would solve a LOT of issues not just in romantic relationships, but in workplace ones, friendships, interactions between customers and businesses...

Don’t move in with someone who is ALREADY displaying shitty behaviour in hopes they’ll change

Even with a “good ‘un” don’t move in until you’ve been together a good few years and KNOW each other’s bad habits etc

I swear as a single mum myself I really don’t understand this desperate need to jump into being a new family WITHOUT thoroughly considering and addressing the most obvious potential issues.

Sorry op not at all surprised really to learn your previous relationship was ALSO abusive.

This man may not be overtly abusive but he is emotionally and practically abusive in expecting you to basically be his maid!