To co-sleep with my baby?

[goldensangria]

He’s five months old and I have never co-slept at night. We will have naps together in the morning though in my bed but it won’t be for long.

Anyway it’s now nearly 5am and I haven’t slept at all, not even 10 minutes! He’s been quite grumpy today and tonight just can’t seem to sleep. He’s laying on me at the moment and sort of drifting off but then he’ll wake up again.

Now that he’s five months is it safer to co-sleep? I don’t want to move him now!

@Yeahnahmum

Imagine being so tired you roll on your kid. All it takes is a few minutes. I would never do this co sleeping. No matter how tired.

The whole point of Co-sleeping is that you get tons more sleep, so are never at the dangerous combination of being utterly exhausted and holding a baby. It’s safer to co-sleep intentionally than fall asleep on the sofa holding baby.

I co-slept with Dd from birth - 18 months, it saved my sanity. Dd also absolutely loved it, and settled so well in my bed - still does at 3.5!

I read recently about a High Court Judge’s judgement of parents who had killed their baby by co-sleeping. There were various factors that made it not safe including cocaine use. I did it with mine, always sober, without DH in a big bed.

If you can, I’d try a nap alone so that you’re not so knackered when you start. Trying it for the first time when you’re exhausted isn’t ideal.

To begin with I tried putting mine in her crib to sleep. Every time, without fail she would wake up as soon as I put her down. And there was no way she would go in there to fall asleep on her own! In the end I had to bring her into bed as I was so exhausted I needed to sleep! And my husband was worse than useless. He just fell straight to sleep and never woke up even when she was screaming. So unless I also wanted to battle to wake him up constantly I had to deal with the baby all night. So, as we’re both on the large side, he moved to the sofa downstairs to sleep every night so that the baby could come in with me. I also remember begging the HV for advice as to how I could get her to go to sleep in a crib. I really wanted to not bed share but I could not get her to go to sleep. The HV was worse than useless and told me that I absolutely couldn’t cosleep as I’d kill her (she was 4 weeks early so I understand there was a slightly raised risk but she would not sleep without me!) and if I had to stay up all night with her I’d just have to! Oh yeah, that’s practical and great for my physical and mental health! Not to mention more of a risk of me falling asleep sitting up holding the baby!

I did it with my second after night feeds when I couldn’t settle her back in her basket.

I'm co-sleeping with my nearly two year old breastfed toddler and it works really well for us. We started when he was about 8 months old and I really wish we'd done it earlier, I get so much more sleep now. Most of until rest of the world co-sleep and they have much lower SIDs deaths than here. Most of the co-sleeping deaths are when people fall asleep on sofas etc or haven't planned for it. I think it's safe as long as you read up on it and remove things like pillows/duvets and don't drink or smoke.

It worked really well for us from about 4-8 months but we followed all the guidelines and DD was healthy, not prem, exclusively breastfed.
It was a bit of a pain to transition her to a cot though when we wanted her in her own room!

YANBU as long as you follow the safe sleep guidelines.

I ended up co sleeping from around 4 months when the 4 month regression hit and he was up every 45 minutes and wanting to be fed back to sleep each time.

I followed all of the safety rules and felt for me personally it was safer to co sleep properly than fall asleep feeding him which had almost happened a couple of times!

He’s now 9 months and usually comes into my bed around 5-6am. However on bad nights when I’m in and out to him a lot he comes in from when I’ve had enough, probably around 1am.

As long as it’s done safely there shouldn’t be a problem, sometimes you have to do it so save everyone’s sanity!

You have to balance other risks with the risk of co-sleeping.

It is all very well saying it's awfully dangerous never do it. But what do you do if you're so tired you can't physically stay awake? Feeding them on a sofa (esp when breastfeeding causes sleepy hormones in mum) or sitting up propped up with pillows in bed could be a death sentence if you fall asleep. Holding them in an armchair while you watch TV in the evening likewise. And many many parents do this. Not all of them are lucky.

What happens if the parent is so sleep deprived they can't care adequately for the baby, crash the car, fail to grab a bolting toddler in time, drop a saucepan/kettle/bottle/mug of just boiled water on the baby?

Following safe sleep guidance and setting up a safe space in bed so that you can fall asleep with the minimal risk is a risk management method which works. It's absolutely barmy to warn people away from this when the result is that they turn to things they think are safer, like feeding in an unsafe position because it's "not cosleeping". Or using unsafe sleeping products such as sleepyheads, angled sleepers, swings, placing baby on their front, dressing them in more clothing so they are overheated, feeding sudafed, etc.

Sleep is a need and people get desperate when they can't have it.

I'm a big fan of safe co sleeping. It worked well for us. Needed to do it as I was ill and dangerous through sleep deprivation, and was nodding off at random times while holding DD1.

Planned cosleeping is a world away from an overtired parent falling asleep on the sofa with a tiny baby.

Oh I did that, OP. DS1 still occasionally sleeps with us, he did from 5 am to 7.25 am this morning for example.
We used to have the twins sleep on our stomachs in the bed because that was the only place they'd fall asleep. Sometimes we would be able to put them in their cot after but often we'd end up all sleeping like that. It wasn't entirely safe and around 2 months we stopped it mostly for a fear of SIDS, as they say it's worst from 2-4 months.
If you can avoid it then don't do it, but if it's impossible not to, try to make sure it's as safe as possible.

We coslept from 3 weeks old when mine consistently refused to sleep in their bedside/cot. It was weeks of enduring sleeplessness, frustration and everything else you could think of. It was a game changer. Two years on and mine sleep through the night (provided I'm next to them!). I EBF though which made things easier.

Do whatever you have to do to maximise sleep for your both

Follow the safe co-sleeping guidelines.

The ACTUAL risk of SIDS involving a healthy 5 month old, following those guidelines and a mother not under the influence of anything is actually tiny.

Interestingly, re 'rolling over on to the baby', it has been shown to be far less likely involving the mother than the father.

Sleep deprivation is used as a form of torture for good reason - it will physically and emotionally ruin you if it goes on too long.
Do what you have to to survive.

And remember the MN mantra of 'this too shall pass, this too shall pass, this too shall pass... '

I co-slept with both of mine (now 14 and 13) from birth until the eldest was 3. We had a super king bed so there was plenty of room - DH slept with us too. They still came into our bed in the night if they woke up until they started school, and then stopped by themselves.

We co-slept with both of ours. They would start the night off in the cot, but come into our bed as soon as they woke. I'd breastfeed them but sleep through it. I am sure that's what kept me sane.

Imagine being so tired you roll on your kid. All it takes is a few minutes. I would never do this co sleeping. No matter how tired.

Plenty of research has gone into this.
A completely sober mother, will sleep lighter, meaning she wouldn’t ‘roll on the kid’.

Aside from the fact it’s impossible to roll when you’re in the C position, anecdotally- my DP put his arm on DC whilst we were all asleep, I woke as his arm touched down on DC and moved it/DC to a different position.

Mammals sleep with their young, it’s not unusual. There are instincts that we cannot control keeping us safe providing we don’t use excess bedding/are sober.

Many people will have done it any have been fine. But the facts are you will be at hugely increased chance of SIDS. So it depends on what your priorities are.

I coslept with my first because it was the only way she would sleep. I didn't with my second because he never needed to. Do whatever results in more sleep.

Do it OP

I do it occasionally but don’t BF. I am a very light sleeper anyway (had to sleep in the spare room when she was a newborn because I couldn’t cope with the noise!) and me and DP dont share a bed when I co sleep so obviously there’s loads of space.

Obviously everyone sleeps differently but I don’t understand how anyone could roll onto their baby unless they were perhaps on drugs or extremely drunk. I’m always aware she is next to me and don’t move in my sleep, only when I’m slightly awake.

I think we’re one of the few countries who see co sleeping as a bad thing, and it will likely change in 20 years time as things always do.

@Zippy1510

Many people will have done it any have been fine. But the facts are you will be at hugely increased chance of SIDS. So it depends on what your priorities are.

This isn’t necessarily true. The research presents a much more complex picture than the simple public health messaging portrays.

What is dangerous is accidental or unplanned cosleeping. Falling asleep on the sofa with a baby very much increases the risk.

Also cosleeping with a smoker, or someone who has been drinking of taking drugs is associated with an increased risk.

There’s also increased risk associated with premature babies.

But properly planned cosleeping with a healthy full term infant is not associated with increased risk. Plus it promotes breastfeeding, which is a protective factor.

This is a useful resource for parents looking to make informed sleeping decisions: www.basisonline.org.uk/

We coslept from birth until 3y. Had a sidecar crib so everyone had their own space.

Worked wonderfully for us.

I'm a lazy person. Wasn't going to be walking down the hallway all night.

Safe, planned co-sleeping is massively safer than unplanned falling asleep in bed or on the sofa - especially on the sofa.

Read the guidelines issued by the Lullaby Trust and Unicef.

Co-slept with both of mine, eldest from about 6 weeks and youngest from just after birth. EBF. Best thing I ever done. I would not have been safe being so sleep deprived and with raging 'baby blues'
Do what's right for you, following the safe co-sleeping guidelines.

Best thing I ever did. Wish I'd done it from birth as those first few weeks would have been so much easier.

Done safely following the safe sleep 7 bed sharing deaths are incredibly low. The deaths come from accidental bed/sofa sharing and when alcohol/drugs/smoking are involved

Extremelyboldsquirrel: it is a complex picture with an variation in risk factors. For example we all know smoking, alcohol and drugs or sleeping on sofas increases the risk even further. But all the published peer reviewed literature that these various websites get their information show that the risk of SIDS is still higher when cosleeping compared to when the child is in their own bed.

class="underline">source=TrendMD&utmmedium=TrendMD&utmcampaign=PediatricsTrendMD_0

pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/138/5/e20162938?fbclid=IwAR0rwA47ad357F2FOn87pHctLjZA24Wb-n9hhqqYAKemRVjaXPqgWaKkO60

onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/apa.14692