To stay with my dh because I don’t want to share DC

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At each other’s throats all the time and each time we mention the D word I panic about having to spend days and nights without my baby. Also the baby really loves him. Maybe I will cool off but atm it seems this is the only basis of keeping going.

Please don’t do this. I understand why you would want the ‘easy option’ but it’s not good for your child having a life like this. It’s very damaging for children to grow up hearing and witnessing arguments. I had a terrible childhood because of my parents non stop violence and fighting, I grew up with many issues and I can’t forgive them for staying together. It still affects me today and I’m mid 30s.
Your child will be happier having two separate parents. I split with my ex when my dcs were young, we weren’t getting on and I feared they would have a childhood like mine so we split and it’s worked out great. They have two parents who are actually civil now and they won’t have to witness fights or resent me for putting them through a toxic childhood.
Please reconsider, it can be done amicably and fairly but don’t put up with anything for an easy life. I know it’s hard handing your child over, it took me a year to accept it, but see it as your child deserving time and memories with the other parent. Dc will thank you for leaving when they’re old enough to understand. I hope you have support in real life to get the help you need

Have you tried any kind of counselling? A new baby puts massive pressure on a couple and sometimes you just need to work through some stuff.

Obviously if he’s abusive counselling is not the route.

I think it depends why you are at each other’s throats. You say baby and the first year is notoriously stressful. Hebe you discuss couples counselling?

*have

If there isn't abuse happening and you are 'at each other's throats' from poor communication strategies, stress, mismatched expectations, a hundred other things, then you can get help and advice that will turn things around. Most people have a lot to learn about making a marriage work, it is often hard work. And, despite what you'll hear around here, marriages can get past rough spots and improve.
Wanting a stable home for your child is a powerful motivator.

If you want to work on your marriage, I would start with taking some deep breaths, think about what you loved about your husband when you married (believe it or not, that man is still there!), write down what you regularly fight about, what situations trigger rows, and what fears / hang ups are behind it (try to be honest and fair about both sides), and start looking for advice related to your specific problems.

The most controversial thing I'm going to say here is: you also need to approach your husband with sincerity and apologise for your part in the rows, tell him you don't want to divorce, and tell him you want to change for the better (this doesn't mean change to be/do everything he wants BTW! ).
Everyone will scream "what is HE going to do to change?" but you can't control that, and I will bet anything you like, if you give him some time, and rebuild trust, (if the D word has been thrown around, trust is broken) he will start changing too.

I do recommend counselling, talking things over in front of a third party is really helpful, but you both have to work out and do the 'fixing', you won't just be given A Solution.

Best of luck, there might be hard work ahead but it is worth it, it really is. Many people carry the same problems from relationship to relationship, and never really learn.

Put your DC first. Seeing both of you separately happy and stable is better than together but arguing and unstable.

In short YANBU to want to stay together for your child, but it doesn't have to be this way with the fighting and misery.

Things that annoy you about your partner are magnified when you split up. You still have to deal with them for the next 18 years or whatever. So, barring abuse, it's worth trying to sort things out if you can.

Thanks for all the responses. No abuse but definitely some low level gas lighting going on and more and more shouty outbursts but I actually don’t think he means to do it.

Interesting lots of people have suggested counselling, it’s not something I’ve thought of before and I guess it can’t hurt so might suggest it.

If you split up you'll still have to see him all the time and you'll have zero say over his parenting choices or who he decides to invite into the kids' life. Work things through if you can.