Aibu to hate the phrase “you’ll be fine”?!

[E551]

Basically I’ve had a letter from the Hospital today with an appointment for treatment for something minor but could have been major if left untreated and when talking about my concerns to my friends I was told by one that “You’ll be fine” and “I’ve had something similar before so you’ll be ok”. For some reason, and it might be just me, but it has pissed me off a bit. Aibu?
I just can’t stand the “you’ll be fine” because to me it’s like I’m being told not to overreact and that there’a nothing wrong with me where yes it might be an outpatient’s appointment for treatment but it’s been an ongoing thing for a couple of years now and the Dr I have been seeing at my previous appointments is concerned that the issue is recurring and might have to take a bit more of an extreme measure.
I think as well what pisses me off even more is that this friend was also not long ago worrying about something that the Dr’s reassured was nothing to worry about at all but my friend would still worry that it would be the dreaded C word, but what I have could highly likely turn into Cancer if left untreated so I just feel fobbed off of my worries that, I think, is something to worry about, especially when you have a young child and a husband you are terrified to leave.
In my opinion a friend should listen and understand and reassure, not reassure in the sense that it’ll all be ok, but maybe just to listen to my worries to begin with and maybe then reassure if you’re so confident that all will be ok.
Maybe I am being unreasonable, or maybe I’m just fed up of having bad news all the time 🙈🙈

Well what do you want them to say? Ask have you looked into funeral arrangements or something just in case ... would that be better ?

I think people don't know what to say and want to make you feel more positive

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I see where you are coming from. Your friend didn't see the dept of your health worries and it was like she didn't want to listen. That is hard. I hope it will be okay for you.

You,ll be fine doesn,t meran don,t get it checked out. Sometimes though it,s the wrong thing to say as yes most likely you will be fine but occasionally that may not be the case.

In my opinion a friend should listen and understand and reassure

I think your friend probably did do this/intend to do this by the sounds of it. From what you've said I feel that it's likely that your (understandably) heightened emotions are clouding things.

I hope your treatment is successful and you receive some good news to that effect soon.

It’s to reassure you, of course they don’t know if you’ll be ok but would you rather they said ‘there’s a strong chance you won’t be ok, risk of terrible symptoms etc etc’ no I’m sure you don’t want to hear that. I hope it all turns out ok, but I think you’re over thinking their wording when they are trying to hide their concern to avoid making you feel worse.

I guess you’re all right.

It might be just the fact I’ve just had the letter today and I might be a little different in how I approach things and I might expect the same. I think like I’d prefer hearing “fingers crossed everything will be ok”, as some of you have said, where I was met with “you’ll be fine, I’ve had this, this and that and so on and so forth.”

YANBU. I totally get that, it can feel dismissive - the attached sums it up quite well, I think

Hard to know whether your friend intended to be dismissive or was trying to be kind and reassuring but hit the wrong tone. But I get why you'd feel annoyed.

It sounds like she’s just being kind and reassuring to me? But it’s hard hearing bad news all the time and I understand that sometimes you want acknowledgment of how hard it is. I hope you’re ok

They are trying to make you feel better x

It's a bit dismissive. I'm sure it's meant kindly but might be nicer to acknowledge your perfectly legitimate worries first.

Some people don’t do empathy very well, I’m sure it was well intended on both counts, but sometimes you just want someone to sit with you in your dark place for a while and not everyone can do that

Its crap. It'll probably be fine but it might not be and people need to acknowledge that. When my friend had an illness I never once said he'd be fine. I said' that's really shit news you must be really worried' as it turned out it wasn't fine and I think I wouldn't have been much support had I just uttered empty platitudes.

I don’t mind “you’ll be fine” if it’s based on actual knowledge, experience, and preferably a peer-reviewed study or two. But otherwise what I hear is “I don’t know if you’ll be ok or not but I don’t want to think about it too deeply cos that would make me feel bad. If it was me I’d be worrying but since it’s not me, oh you’ll be fine”

I was/am concerned about returning to work in a school, and my aunt said the same thing to me. "You'll be fine" just sounds like "I don't want to hear about your worries", I felt completely dismissed, as if my concerns aren't valid.

I'm sorry you've got a problem with your health. I'll keep everything crossed for you that it turns out to be nothing.

Jesus Christ, I mean it’s hard getting bad news, but really people saying ‘oh I’m sure you’ll be fine’ is meant to be reassuring. If they are otherwise a good friend, then I’d just recognise that your worry is making you a bit touchy tbh.
It seems likely you WILL be fine. There’s not anything bad about sharing similar experiences in a ‘it wasn’t as scary as you might think’ way.

Just want to say thank you everyone for your kind words, definitely feel a bit more valued. I’m sure my friend didn’t mean it in a bad way but I think “you’ll be fine” does not make anyone feel better, if there was a discussion and some listening to my worries beforehand I’d maybe feel a bit better than a straight up “you’ll be fine”, I sure hope I do, and I sure I will be, but no one can guarantee that can they so it’s a case of wait and see until my next appointment.

Again, thank you everyone for your kind words and thoughts x

YANBU.

Some people just don't understand how to communicate in an empathic and validating way.

"That sounds really x, I truly think this is the right thing for you and I'm certain you'll be ok, but I'm not surprised you feel y. Is there anything anything anyone could do to help you manage those fears, which are totally natural?"

Blah blah - there's ways things can be said without invalidating how someone feels, although I really don't think a lot of people mean to make you feel that way!

I am in the last couple of weeks of pregnancy and my mum asked me today how I was feeling. I answered honestly - that I was starting to struggle. She said "well never mind, it'll all be worth it!"
Totally true - it will all be worth it, but it would have been better to hear "yes those last few weeks are really rough, I can imagine it's really difficult - it'll all be worth it though.."

^some people will think it's the same thing but it's a small difference that makes a big difference imo.

I hope you're fine. You might not be, but I hope you are.

I think there is an impulse in at least some of us to want to say nice sounding things that provide short term reassurance. I've been in jobs where I've had to give appointment times for people undergoing testing for serious conditions and had to really bite my tongue against this because obviously its unhelpful and inappropriate

YANBU - it’s a very dismissive thing to say, because instead of acknowledging your worry, it implies you don’t have anything to worry about and therefore your feelings aren’t valid.

You’re allowed to be worried! And a friend should acknowledge that. But lots of people are very bad at knowing what to say in these circumstances.

One of my friends when I phoned her, needing a verbal hug after a potential cancer diagnosis said to me ”I'm always here for you anytime” then ”always here for you, just ring me, bye” and hung up.

I was left holding the phone thinking WTF.

Our very close friend often says this to me. As he is also our GP I believe him.

Yanbu it is dismissive. But some people aren’t great at listening and they mean well when they say stuff like this.