OLD - how to spot time wasters quicker

[Chairlove]

Been OLD for a while. Before Covid it was easy to spot the time wasters. The ones that want to be pen pals or after one thing. Now it’s forever texting and no attempt to meet up.

Normally when I match with a guy, I text via tye app for a few days to see if there is momentum and we click. Then swap numbers and continue for a day or so. I like to meet soon after swapping numbers to see if there is chemistry. Not one for texting for weeks as in person meeting you can see if you are compatible.

Meet a guy 2 weeks ago, good banter via text and good harmless flirting. Asking if we wanted to meet this weekend and he was busy. Fair dues, suggested let me know when free. He said yes let’s meet soon. It’s been a few days and nothing. Still texting loads.

I know I am being impatient but surely point is to meet up. We had the social distancing conversation and on same page - safe meeting. I mentioned again about meeting up. His reply, yes I want to will let you know.

When do you give it up? Realise he is wanting a pen pal? I understand everyone goes at a different pace, But it’s becoming boring texting. All he says he does in the evening is watch tv.

Got context I have another date tonight with someone who I started talking to on Tuesday. He agreed good to get off dating apps and see

Realised I may come across as Desperate. I am not, just frustrated with monotony of texting to get to know someone. Rather meet in person

I’m interested to see the responses you get - coz I lean the other way really. I like to chat for a couple of weeks at least before meeting up. Because quite often in that time things will come up that put me off someone (--flashback to the guy who hated me being complimentary about anyone--), and so I don’t waste my time.
Meeting in the week can be tricky for me coz by the time I get back from work and walk the dog and have something to eat, there’s not all that much evening left, and I like to make an effort to look/feel good before a date.

I’m not 100% convinced my way is the right way, so I’m following this with interest - maybe it’s a confidence thing from his point of view and he’s unsure you’ll be into him?

OP, I'd start phasing this guy out. It's been over two weeks and you keep getting wishy-washy responses when you attempt to make plans.

Reduce or stop texting.

This one is dead in the water, I’d say. He may just not be ready for an in-person meet yet, which is fine - except you are. You each already have different expectations before it’s even begun. Cut your losses and see how it goes with the other one.

I met my husband OLD so it can work. However, like you, I wasted a long time chatting to a guy who said he was very keen to meet up but then at the last minute something would come up, a last minute work trip or a friend in crisis, etc. I have up in the end. I strongly suspect that he was already with someone and couldn't just get out for random dates. Of course I have no proof but there were a few other things that made me question him too.
I think if you spend a long time chatting before meeting up you can become very fond of the idea of them or the person you think they are. I'd much rather meet up sooner to determine if there is any spark there. It's not inherently unsafe - before OLD we used to meet people for dates after meeting them once in a pub or whatever. Just be cautious and safe.

Yeah I like to meet up soon, just to see if there is a spark. Fallen in the trap of texting for ages before we meet and no spark.

It’s frustrating. Why date if not interested in meeting up?

I just used to say contact me when you want to meet up- they never did.

I have a male friend old. I would say when he keeps a woman on the back burner and doesn’t agree to meet up it’s usually because he is meeting another one and wants to see how it goes with her first

I think quite a few of them are not available, they just enjoy the excitement of messaging someone. Maybe it livens up their lives in a way that they kind of justify as not actually being unfaithful iuswim? I had a kind of spreadsheet system in the end. Sometimes men would message for a while, then disappear and come back but with a story that wasn't consistent with previous conversations. Obvious red flags included photos taken in a bedroom with an obvious female presence, eg jewellery trees etc. Saves time later on tho

As I always have a few going on at once, as do you op, I always assume everyone else does as well. So, he's possibly seeing someone else. Which he's allowed to do. I actually like texting quite a lot, firstly because it's fun and I can do it easily, and secondly because you can find out so much, and eliminate people before you go to the effort of organising a date. They aren't time wasters as such, just have a different preference of dating than you do.

When someone says they can't meet up and doesn't offer an alternative date, I send a message of, 'ok, message me when you have a firm date in mind.' I then stop interacting with them unless they are messaging to arrange a date. If no such date has been forthcoming within the week, or if they get arsey, I block them.

Life's too short for text relationships.

I like to chat for a couple of weeks at least before meeting up. Because quite often in that time things will come up that put me off someone (--flashback to the guy who hated me being complimentary about anyone--), and so I don’t waste my time.

This is me too. I don’t want to waste time and effort meeting up with someone who can’t be bothered with a little bit of chat first. It’s great for filtering out time wasters and spotting red flags/ stuff that you wouldn’t want in a partner.

Anyone who has “not looking for a pen pal” on there profile is filtered out as a twat and a time waster.

BUT I agree there’s a happy medium and wouldn’t want to be texting forever.

I guess I’d just stop texting if nothing came of it.

@Stannisbaratheonsboxofmatches

I like to chat for a couple of weeks at least before meeting up. Because quite often in that time things will come up that put me off someone (--flashback to the guy who hated me being complimentary about anyone--), and so I don’t waste my time.

This is me too. I don’t want to waste time and effort meeting up with someone who can’t be bothered with a little bit of chat first. It’s great for filtering out time wasters and spotting red flags/ stuff that you wouldn’t want in a partner.

Anyone who has “not looking for a pen pal” on there profile is filtered out as a twat and a time waster.

And ‘anything you wanna know, just ask’ instead of an actual bio!

I like to chat on the phone after a bit and see if conversation is still good as well - texting doesn’t give you a full picture but a phone call helps, I find.