Am I expecting too much of my partner?

[Rmh16]

Hi everyone
I’m 23 and a first time mum, I’ve been with my partner for 5 years and we’ve always had a very toxic relationship. We’ve gotten a lot better, but lately I’m wondering if it’s even worth it. I so badly want my baby to have a mum and dad because I never had that. But I think it’s just not a healthy environment anymore. He works very hard and selflessly provides for me and the baby. We have anything we want. But He’s still like a kid. He does drugs occasionally. rides dirt bikes on the road, always getting tickets, his friends are all drug addicts or meth users and I don’t want those people around my baby but he thinks that’s unreasonable? He thinks I’m so judgemental but I can’t see a problem with not wanting my baby to meet people who I believe are unhealthy and unsafe. To top it all off he’s been affiliated a with a gang, and they now are picking on him trying to make him pay for a bike they didn’t break. Baby and I have had to come to mums so we don’t get caught up in gang violence. I don’t know if I love him anymore. I think I just love how he provides for me and our baby.

He's not a partner and you need to leave. Permenantly.

FFS

Permanently

I think you know the answer to your own questions. Your instincts as a mum are to protect and that’s what you must do. Drugs and the threat of gang violence are not good conditions to within which to raise a psychologically healthy child. Be brave. Be the best mum you can be. Good luck.

So, he’s a meal ticket?
He sounds fucking awful, but saying you like how he provides for you sounds really bad too.
I would definitely leave him, and stand on your own two feet.
If you have a young baby, I hope you have supportive parents to help you at first.

What did you do before having your baby OP? The people you don’t want your baby around is who you have had a child to! It’s a life long connection you will now have even for you both to co parent.

You know the answer to this

Look out for your baby's interests

You can’t stay with someone like this just for money!

Good god he sounds a terrible father to have for your baby! Criminal gangs, violence and drugs? I couldn’t think of a much worse environment for a child.

You need to leave him permanently and put some distance between you and him accommodate wise so that you aren’t in the radar of any gangs.

And looking at him as just a provider of money isn’t great either!

He doesn’t provide for you and baby though, he might financially but he doesn’t provide safety and security, which is much more important.
You’ve been with him five years so you must have known about all these things for a long time- did you think he would change when you had the baby?

Hi everyone thanks for your comments. I just wanted to clarify I don’t look at him and only see money. I’ve finally sat down and looked at my situation and am trying to be honest with myself And how I feel. Everything has just hit the fan all at once and I’m very overwhelmed. I’ve loved him for a long time. We were both good healthy people at the beginning. He had a few deaths in the family and fell in into the wrong crowd without me even realising for a long time. I really care about him so I gave him another chance. Fast forward a few years and I fell pregnant while on birth control. We had broken up at this point and I was prepared to make a life for my baby on my own. Eventually we got back together and the first couple of months were like a dream. We were a beautiful loving family. He wasn’t drinking or dabbling in drugs. The past month everything has gone downhill so fast, especially in the last 24 hrs and I’m pretty disappointed. I really just want my daughter to grow up in a loving family. Honestly I’m the last 24 hrs I’ve had a reality check and I’m trying to sort my thoughts. I don’t have many friends so I had to ask on here. I do love him and so want to be with him, but I don’t love the things he’s doing and I just want the best for my daughter.

They were there before you conceived why on earth did you think it would be different now? And do you provide financially or is it all him? I would say that needs to change asap

Your daughter needs a safe, stable, healthy (mentally and physically) home. That's not possible with him involved.

Also my baby is only 3 months so I’m still at home looking after her

If you want the best for your daughter, then dump this loser.

Ask yourself this. Look at your daughter and imagine her when she is older. Would you be happy if she ended up with a man like her dad?

Because if you stay with him, she will.

If you want your life for your daughter, crack on.

Thank you I so needed to hear this x

You said you've always had a very toxic relationship.

Bringing a kid into the mix is only ever going to make that worse.

You've literally chosen to have a child with one of the people you don't want her to grow up around.

Are you genuinely asking if you should continue to raise your baby amongst drug addicts and gang members?

Honestly just ask yourself how you could ever even begin to justify that.