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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be fed up - need suggestions

51 replies

Shell23 · 05/09/2020 12:08

I live with dp and his parents. Were due our first baby very soon. Maybe I'm being very caution since I'm a ftm, but I'm constantly getting stressed about our living situation. Not only is nothing set up for the baby yet, the house has a major rat and fly problem. The rats keep us up at night they are so loud and so many. They come out into the house from the walls at night, chew threw things, eat our food and leave droppings everywhere. Just to make matters worse were pretty sure ones died as now we have an infestation of flies. These flies are horrible, theres about ten of them in the kitchen, they swarm over your head, land on us, land on the clean cutterly we eat with, crawl over the sides we cook on and are all over our food. I understand that we live in quite a rural area so this is beyond anyones control but thinking about bringing a baby into this environment when flies are all over the babies things already is stressing me to the max. I find it horrible already that when I go to sleep at night the flies linger over our heads and go on our bedding. They also have a dog that is over a year old now and still bites. I know it's not the dogs fault but everyones attempt to get him to stop biting seems half hearted. Sometimes he is told off and sometimes he isnt. If I bring any of this up as a concern I get told off by my dp. Apparently the dog biting isnt seen as a real problem since it's not actually malicious or draws blood, but I've tried to explain just because it doesnt hurt our adult hands doesnt mean it wouldn't do serious damage to a baby. Presumably the whole family will want the dog to meet the baby asap since they are besotted by the dog, but it only makes me anxious and I'd rather keep the dog away. I've tried suggesting we keep the back door closed to limit the amount of flies that get in but that only gets thrown in my face. Weve tried fly traps, rat traps, you name it. I'm at the end of my tether any suggestions on how to handle these problems are more than welcome please, otherwise I may be having this baby away from dp at my own parents house which isnt ideal for our parenting situation but I just dont see any other solution and I'm tired of always been shouted at when I "complain" about these issues. Help!

OP posts:

Mischance · 05/09/2020 14:19

Biting dog, rats and flies. Hmmmm.

I have lived in the country for decades and we have had rats outside; but a rat indoors needs dealing with - contact LA.

The biting dog needs a visit to a vet with a big syringe.

The flies should go once the rats are dealt with - if they don't then they are probably cluster flies whose eggs are in the tiniest of spaces and when they hatch out there can be dozens at a time - they occur if you are in an area with cowpats around. Again - the LA should be able to get rid of these for you.

Personally I would be out of there like a shot - once you become homeless the LA should be on your case, e specially once the baby is born.

Move, get out, sally forth, depart this horrible place! I cannot understand why DPs parents are not dealing with these infestations; and you certainly cannot bring a baby into a home with a biting dog.

DalzielandPaxo · 05/09/2020 14:24

It sounds like like you live with The Twits. Yuk.

But seeing as neither of you work and your first baby is imminent, it would seem beggars can’t be choosers, and all that.

If I were you I’d be making plans to do some training to make myself more employable and self-sufficient in case you wind up doing this on your own.

Heronwatcher · 05/09/2020 14:27

The pests are a nuisance, but could be dealt with. The dog on the other hand is downright dangerous. There is absolutely no way you can live there with a baby. You need to man up and get some proper advice from citizens advice or the housing team at your local council as you have a responsibility to your child now, this is for you to sort out no matter how often you get shouted at. I know it’s tough but you’re right to be concerned so stick to your guns and do something about your situation.

Nemma96 · 05/09/2020 15:03

What has your midwife said about this? Once your health visitor comes out to see you i doubt she will be happy. Go to your local housing and tell them your homeless and pregnant. This is no place to bring a baby and no professional will like your baby being brought into this environment either.

Like another PP said, rat bite babies. You can't watch a baby while your asleep and you will not forgive yourself if your baby is bitten by a rat while your sleeping

TheHappyHerbivore · 05/09/2020 15:06

This is not a safe environment for a baby. You need to put your baby first and find a solution.

Is there absolutely no way you could afford to rent a property? Even a tiny studio would be better than a house filled with rats and a vicious dog.

You have to set aside concerns about convenience and personal preference and find a solution which protects your baby.

mynamesnotMa · 05/09/2020 15:08

Why are you living there and why would this be acceptable for anyone let alone a baby?

lyralalala · 05/09/2020 15:08

@Shell23

I had looked into goverment housing however because my family members earn a certain amount between them I've been told I wouldn't be considered a priority.

Their income isn't relevant to any claims you make

How old are you?

IlovecatsyesIdo · 05/09/2020 15:11

@Shell23

I had looked into goverment housing however because my family members earn a certain amount between them I've been told I wouldn't be considered a priority.

You need to speak to the housing people directly, tell them the environment you are living in. Explain that your parents home is toxic and there is no space for you anyway. You are heavily pregnant so they will have to help you. If you don’t feel comfortable speaking to the council as others have suggested speak to the midwife and I’m sure they will be able to help you.

You know this place is unsafe. It is infested with rats, flies and a biting dog. You need to get out of there urgently. Think of your baby. Forget your DP, he seems to think nothing of shouting at you and cannot see anything wrong with living in this squalor. You have to take responsibility for yourself and your baby.
Is there a phone number you can call for the midwives on the weekend?

Notcontent · 05/09/2020 15:20

@Heronwatcher

I was just about to say the same thing!

An unpredictable and undisciplined dog and a baby or toddler are a pretty lethal combination.

emmyhelly · 05/09/2020 15:38

you can’t be for real! you’ll have a lot more to worry about than rats & flies when your midwife does her home visits after the baby is born

Babyroobs · 05/09/2020 15:57

Are you in the UK op ? This is awful, you need to be looking at alternative accommodation for the sake of your baby. If your partner doesn't agree then leave without him.

Babyroobs · 05/09/2020 15:59

[quote Shell23]**@muddledmidget* @Turnedouttoes* sorry should of probably explained already the circumstances as to why we live with them, we are still young and dont earn enough to afford a place on our own. The reason I live with them is because there is no room at mine for a baby and my home situation isnt ideal to bring a baby into. But at this point I see no other choice[/quote]
If you low earnings between you then you can claim benefits to help with rent and living expenses. How old are you and your partner?

MandalaYogaTapestry · 05/09/2020 16:50

What is ftm in the OP's first post?

Mamette · 05/09/2020 16:56

@MandalaYogaTapestry

What is ftm in the OP's first post?

First time mum

Wakemeupwhenthisisover · 05/09/2020 17:09

The midwife will call social services when she comes to visit after you have the baby if she sees rats. Speak to your local authorities, you need social housing. Op you are not unreasonable at all. Hope you manage to find suitable accommodation.

Nanny0gg · 05/09/2020 17:12

@AnxMummy10

Well unless you go back to your family then you unfortunately have to suck it up. At least his family has taken you in- unless you can say the same about your family then you have no right to bring this up. Also what do you expect him to do? Housing your child is just as much your responsibility as it is his- and he has provided that. The situation definitely doesnt sound right to bring a baby up in - but you have very little choice and no place to start suggestions/ demands to these people about how they live. The only thing you can do is go back to your family.

No right to bring it up?

Of course she does!

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 05/09/2020 17:21

Your relatives incomes are irrelevant in terms of housing benefits, the "household" is you, your DP and child.

I actually really hope this thread isnt for real.

Original poster

Shell23 · 05/09/2020 17:31

I've spoken to my side of the family and they see sense with it.... unfortunately I've come back and dp is still sticking and pretty adamant that is not that big of an issue. Genuinely he makes me feel like I'm overreacting and slightly crazy for this all. The rats cant get into our bedrooms as of now, just downstairs. So I guess that's why it doesnt present to be a problem for him and the flies he said are just a mild inconvenience just like any insects would be .... his great comparison is how do I think people in 3rd world countries raise a child when I'm completely baffled by that as they dont have a choice and we do! I'm fighting an endless battle here and its exhausting hearing how I'm being irrational. I did try to tell him flies can easily carry bacteria and diseases but he then mocks me and says am I insinuating the flies would kill or make the baby sick to which I'm stumped. Were both in our early twenties btw. I think if a midwife came over here they honestly wouldn't see an issue as the rats arent visible until night and the flies are only most in the kitchen. The dog is super friendly and only occasionally bites so I guess my suggestion to move back to mine based on all these circumstantial situations seem very drastic to my dp. And now I'm starting to doubt myself

OP posts:

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 05/09/2020 17:31

FFS op

You have posted on other threads. You found out 11 weeks in. Not to late to do something about, especially given you said at that point your DP was "no good". You had already had a previous abortion.

have you heard of contraception?
why, just why

Original poster

Shell23 · 05/09/2020 17:37

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland thanks. Highlighting all the crap I've gone through clearly helps when all I'm trying to do is my best for my baby. And to me 11 weeks was too late to have an abortion if that's what you are suggesting....hence making the thread in the first place.

OP posts:

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 05/09/2020 17:44

Ok my post isnt helpful.

But at some point in your life you are going to have to take responsibility for your choices and actions as an adult.

Brieminewine · 05/09/2020 17:50

You’ll have social services at the door when the midwife and health visitor sees that shithole! Disgusting you’d even think of exposing a newborn to vermin, parasites and a dangerous dog 🤯

Nemma96 · 05/09/2020 17:51

Early 20's is notto young. Im in my early 20's and not long had a baby. I would be out of there as quick as possible. I wouldnt even speak with my DP about it if he didn't agree and would just tell him I was going.

You need to think about your baby and not anyone else. Your updates make it sound like you think its not that much off a deal and "they only come out at night" and can't get in your bedroom yet is not a reason to carry on living there. If you stay in that home and take your baby there then I would say you don't really deserve to be a mother when your going to put them in danger

IlovecatsyesIdo · 05/09/2020 17:52

As above I agree, raking up old posts isn’t helpful.
You are heavily pregnant and living in an unsafe situation. Rats, flies and a dog which occasionally bites is a really bad situation to live in let alone for a young baby. You know this OP.
Your DP is unsupportive so you need to take responsibility here and make the decision to contact the midwife and/or local council housing department. What are you waiting for OP?

VimFuego101 · 05/09/2020 17:54

I'm not sure who told you you wouldn't be eligible because of your family member's earnings, but that sounds incorrect. Have you talked to Shelter or your local housing dept? Looked into what benefits you might be entitled to while you're on maternity leave?

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