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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if preschool gets easier- DD is like a different child!

22 replies

Napqueen1234 · 04/09/2020 23:16

Only started preschool this week (3 half days) but DD seems to have a personality transplant. She’s summer born (early August) but quite confident and speech etc good for her age so I wasn’t too worried. But my goodness. She’s been no problem going in happy and excited but so upset in the afternoons. Knackered (Fell asleep on the sofa mid tantrum yesterday) seems on the verge of tears constantly, belligerent and tantrumming constantly. She’s not usually this bad and perhaps foolishly I thoughT after years of 4 days a week day nursery she would cope fine as they’re shorter days.

Is it just a new setting? Will she adjust? I worry it’s been too big a step with her especially after a long break from nursery with covid and we have a new baby (DS is 3 months). Any advice? Thanks

OP posts:
GlummyMcGlummerson · 04/09/2020 23:21

There's something that happens at school that turns kids into total arseholes Grin my 8yo and 4yo went back this week and have been miserable and cranky coming out.

I do think there's something about them using all their "well behaved" quota at school so they have used it all up by the time they get home.

Pre-school is different to nursery, lots of sitting and learning and less play, it's mentally exhausting and completely normal for them to be grumps coming home.

GlummyMcGlummerson · 04/09/2020 23:22

In fact I can practically time when my DD starts whingeing, and it's the second I close the car door at pick up. She's officially out of earshot of friends and teachers and often immediately turns into the devil

Rainallnight · 04/09/2020 23:28

Google ‘restraint collapse’. That’s your answer. Dreading it when DD starts reception next week.

BackforGood · 04/09/2020 23:30

......and the good news is.........

It will be the same again when she starts Reception...... and Year 1...... kicks in again at Yr 7 too Grin

It is just a tiredness thing - particularly as she hasn't been going to Nursery for such a long time. She'll soon settle into her new routine.

Original poster
Napqueen1234 · 04/09/2020 23:31

Thanks all. I thought it was probably normal trying to just be as understanding and supportive as I can. How long does it usually last in your experience...?

OP posts:
RealityExistsInTheHumanMind · 04/09/2020 23:44

She been at home for 6 months, poor kid is shattered.

Hopefully, after a couple of days break, she'll at least start to acclimatise although I'd expect her to be a bit tired and ratty at the end of the day for a while yet

Feelingconfused2020 · 05/09/2020 00:31

It's just tiredness and perfectly normal. The best piece of advice I ever got on parenting was from a health visitor:

" 90% of behaviour issues are caused by sleep deprivation " it's so so true.

Just let her have a restful day when she's been at ore school and try putting her to bed earlier from.now.on to compensate.

It's perfectly normal.

Tumbleweed101 · 05/09/2020 07:10

Preschool is a stimulating environment. Other children to negotiate with, lots of different toys and activities and different expectations from the adults. It’s lots
to learn and concentrate on. My daughter always had a nap in the afternoons after being at nursery - right up to starting school! They play up at home because it’s their safe space with adults who love them unconditionally so they can let all that emotion and restraint from the day escape. It’ll get easier once they all settle back and find the routine normal again.

icklekid · 05/09/2020 07:15

Yes they are absolutely exhausted especially if they are trying really hard to be good when there! By half term it’s normally significantly better (although they are definitely in need of the break!) and by Christmas you’ll have forgotten how hard it was!! My youngest has just started reception and I’m just desperately hoping she’s not as bad as her brother was...

Sailingblue · 05/09/2020 07:17

As others have said it’s a tiredness and new setting thing. My eldest started reception and is not tired but her behaviour in the run up was just a bit crazy and that was fuelled by nerves. My 1yo started nursery, only had 1 hour as a settling in visit and was totally cream crackered, fell asleep in the high chair when she never does etc. Home just isn’t as stimulating. I was quite shocked by how knackered the 1yo was for an hour.

Thehop · 05/09/2020 07:21

School ruined my children too. It’s been so nice having the old them back a bit in lockdown. I wish I could home school them, I’m dreading them going back next week.

BiddyPop · 05/09/2020 07:24

I used to put chocolate in her hand , a drink in her other one, and not talk to dd when she got in the car. It helped, and by halfway home she might be somewhat human.

But also plenty of sleep at the start of term (even now as a teen!!), naps when younger or early nights when older (even “watch something curled up on the couch under a blanket” seems to be relaxing and soothing most of the time), and learning to enjoy mornings and just manage afternoons.

sapnupuas · 05/09/2020 07:54

My four year old went to school for the first tine yesterday. Only 50 mins, but he was an absolute fucking prick for the rest of the afternoon.

Please tell me this stops after a while!

EatDessertFirst · 05/09/2020 08:02

My yr 5 DS has been a nightmare after school and he's only been back three days! Yr 7 DD had a strop last night to over her one chore and shes only been at secondary for two days.

Its pretty normal and should ease up by half term. Doesn't stop them being arseholes though!Grin

ChaBishkoot · 05/09/2020 08:04

With Reception if my memory serves me right, the outrageous post school behaviour eased up by Easter. It got better by Christmas but it was by Easter that it has eased up.
It got harder again in Y2 when they have to concentrate more.

Original poster
Napqueen1234 · 05/09/2020 09:08

@ChaBishkoot Easter?! 😱😱

OP posts:
ChaBishkoot · 05/09/2020 09:24

I mean it was at Easter I noticed that he’d stopped being a total arsehole on a regular basis.

AriettyHomily · 05/09/2020 09:25

It's tiredness. Wait until the end of term. Exponential arseholeness.

MrsToothyBitch · 05/09/2020 09:52

My mum used to say that until well into my teens all I did was "complain" when I got home. I just knew I had to vent and let it out. Restraint Collapse is real.

Dishwashersaurous · 05/09/2020 10:14

Year six is still the same...

Charleyhorses · 05/09/2020 10:19

Give them food as soon as you can. That helps I found. Early bedtime. Bit of telly.

Harryrotter · 05/09/2020 10:26

Totally normal, my two teenagers are exactly the same, happily go to school in the morning and then burst in the door after the long walk home with blisters as new shoes rubbing/ starving hungry/ constantly moaning about teachers and homework. They eat a massive snack and tea and then slope off to bed early as exhausted from all the —moaning-- schoolwork.
At least when I wasn’t WFH I didn’t have to witness it, now I have to deal with it as actually at home !

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