Trapped

[bottomdrawer]

My AIBU is:

AIBU to think if I can't go out then neither should DH?

He has unlimited free time and the one time I try and go out for the evening, I am called home. I was out for an hour before I got the call.

DS is coming up 2 and wouldn't go to sleep before I left so DH was in charge. He rang an hour later to instruct me home.

This is not the first time and I feel so trapped.

AIBU to say he should not be able to go out either.

You should absolutely be able to go out. What right does he have to instruct you? What would the consequences be if you told him to sod off and stayed out?

Is he violent or aggressive if you ‘disobey’ him?

Why did he call you home?

I’d call him home next time he goes out.

He instructed you home?

I hope you didnt comply - at the very least not immediately. I would have given it another hour or so.

Just don’t go home next tine.

AIBU to say he should not be able to go out either.

That doesn't really solve your problem though does it? You need to do two things. First, force him to learn how to parent his child. Your DS is 2 years old, if your DH can't look after him for as much as an hour he needs to get his bloody finger out. Second, stop tolerating your husband dictating to you. As a one off it's bad enough, as a regular thing it's controlling and abusive behaviour.

he instructed you home? and you went?
blimey.

YABU to still be with a husband who thinks a toddler not going to sleep on time is your responsibility.

My exH used to try this on me. He would then shout at me for being a bad mother when I got home. I divorced him.

You need to nip this shit in the bud. He needs to grow up and learn how to parent his child. if he's not willing to do this he's not a father and you're better off without him. It really is that simple.

Wow! How incompetent is he, that he can't deal with a 2 year old. I assume you are still out, I would laugh like a drain if my husband rang me about our twins.

He instructed you home?? Why the fuck did you obey him?

Ps, if you don't sort this out, then it will only get worse. Might be worth reminding him he will have to deal all weekend on his own if you decide being a single parent is easier than this shit.

Well it sounds like he needs to do all bed times going forward so next time you go out he's practised and won't need to call you.

I really can’t understand why you would put up with your husband’s demands. But whatever you think about your husband you always put your children first they didn’t decide to be born into this situation so please put them first and hopefully you will feel better by doing what is best

Not really violent or aggressive but I would know he was very unhappy if I did not rush home to take over and settle DS.

@bottomdrawer

Not really violent or aggressive but I would know he was very unhappy if I did not rush home to take over and settle DS.

So he's allowed to be angry if you don't immediately rush home to compensate for his complete incompetence as a parent yet you're presumably not allowed to be angry at him ruining your night out. You do see how thoroughly unreasonable that is, don't you? Out of interest, why are you bothered if he would be "very unhappy"? Is it just that you are a natural underdog who puts his happiness above yours or are you worried about how his unhappiness would manifest itself and how he might punish you?

Then you're a mug OP. Tell him to get to fuck. He's an equal parent. Either call him home when he goes out for exactly the same reason or go out just as much as he does and turn your phone off. If he doesn't learn about equality pretty damn sharpish, get shut of him.

Probably a bit of both TooTrue

Settle the toddler and go back out. Make it clear you won’t be doing this in the future.

Tell him to be an actually dad and settle his own dc. Outrageous what women in here put up with. He can’t handle one 2 year old? Dh used to look after twin babies and a toddler when I went out - it was hard but I did it singlehanded the rest of the week while he was at work so if you’re capable why isn’t he?