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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU Elimination communication

27 replies

CharismaticVic · 04/09/2020 14:17

I've just read an article on a certain red top (not the S*n as I wouldn't touch it with a barge pole) and in it parents of 9 month old baby who they trained to stop wearing nappies at 2 weeks.

I've read the article and it seems they watched the child for cues and then placed her on the potty (it was a tupperware box first apparently) when it looked like she needed to go. It says the husband only needed to do this for 1 day before they knew when the baby would need the potty.

I just don't get the mechanics of it... how do they go out? Does the baby who is 9 months now really 'tell' them that she needs the potty or do they just stare at her all day. I'm not having a go and the parents ingenuity at not having to be dependent on nappies and it being better for the environment but I don't think the theory/practice is as easy as they are letting on.

OP posts:
steppemum · 04/09/2020 14:29

many people in the Uk simply do not believ in this.
But I used to live in Central Asia, where most kids don't wera nappies, and are taught this from birth. My friends kids, by 12 months were potty trained, and at a few months old, they could definitely wee on command.

not 2 weeks though, that's veyr early.

It is not the same as potty training as we know it, it only works if you are with your child all day, as they give the sign they are going to wee, and you put them on the potty, (when they are little hold a pot under their bum) combined with a sort of Pavlov's dog thing, so the mums I know used a sort of hissing noise when they weed, and then when they made the hissing noise the child weed.

Loads of accidents though! But yes, the 9 month old clearly tells them when they need to wee, as long as you are looking out for it. (and no, you don't have to watch them all the time, because they seem to hang on until they can do it for a few minutes)

I had 3 kids while living there, and I was never tempted to try it, but all mine were potty trained MUCH earlier than is normal in UK.

QuidcoQueen · 04/09/2020 14:32

My mil said she did this with my husband at 9 months.
I think its fascinating.

Have you seen the traditional Chinese children's trousers that have a wee hole. They look like chaps. So cute.

Monkeynuts18 · 04/09/2020 14:35

Yeah, it’s a thing, and apparently can be very effective. I didn’t practice it myself with my son so have no idea how straightforward it is in reality but I don’t think it’s like potty training as we know it - it’s more that you learn to pick up on the baby’s ‘cues’ that they need to eliminate waste.

Original poster
CharismaticVic · 04/09/2020 14:35

It's mad really. Nurseries for example or ours at least have been designed in a way that they expect most children to have potty trained or at least on the way at around 3 so only those rooms have little toilets in them.

OP posts:
TheHappyHerbivore · 04/09/2020 14:37

I’ve heard of it too in other cultures. It just seems strange to us because it’s not our norm!

Original poster
CharismaticVic · 04/09/2020 14:39

@QuidcoQueen

https://theculturetrip.com/asia/china/articles/why-do-chinese-babies-wear-split-crotch-pants/

Try again

The article is really interesting (I read the first link so worked fine) and wish we could do something like that. It does say that it wouldnt be just mum and dad watching the baby for cues they needed to go but also the wider family as they all traditionally lived together.
OP posts:
TinySleepThief · 04/09/2020 14:42

I appreciate it sounds odd because its not how we do things in the UK but as much as I try to understand to me the thing I find most baffling is that it's not actually training the child. Surely it's training the adults to notice cues not the child as the child has no concept what is happening. Wouldn't it be better to wait until the child has some awareness that they need to wee or poo?

Catawaul · 04/09/2020 14:44

It's natural. Babies have an instinct not to wet or soil themselves, this is why they wee when you take a nappy off on the changing mat. We train them against that by putting them in nappies.

DianasLasso · 04/09/2020 14:44

I have friends from Kerala (southern India) who tell me it's standard there. It is time intensive - apparently often subcontracted to the grandparents who will dandle the baby on their knee until it shows signs of a bowel movement then pop it on the potty.

First time I went to China over a decade ago it was quite common to see toddlers in split trousers - looked like normal trousers as quite bagge, but parents would quickly hoist a child over a nearby gutter pilling them to one side if the child needed the toilet.

I have a western friend who read up on it and successfully did it with all 4 of her DC.

steppemum · 04/09/2020 14:47

@TinySleepThief

I appreciate it sounds odd because its not how we do things in the UK but as much as I try to understand to me the thing I find most baffling is that it's not actually training the child. Surely it's training the adults to notice cues not the child as the child has no concept what is happening. Wouldn't it be better to wait until the child has some awareness that they need to wee or poo?
they are also trained to wee in response to you though. And there is no problem as they grow, they just get more used to going by themselves, rather than when mum says to go.
iolaus · 04/09/2020 14:52

I think, especially in the beginning, it's that the parents are trained rather than the baby

picklemewalnuts · 04/09/2020 14:57

It starts out with the parents doing all the work, but the baby learns and responds to them and ends up potty trained.

Asian parents hold the child up with its back to them, hands on thighs, so the tot wees away from themselves and the parent. It's very tidy!

It does work well in countries where babies can be scantily clad- a dress/robe or similar. Nothing underneath.

It's lovely because parent and child are so very attentive to each other.

picklemewalnuts · 04/09/2020 14:59

Families used to train much earlier here as well, in the days of cloth nappies. The adult would put the child on the pot for a few minutes after every meal/bottle, or when previous experience suggested it would be likely. Things were much more routine then, regular similar food, regular simpler routines. Babies were more predictable, they could be potty trained earlier and if you were hand washing the nappies you were highly motivated!

CarterBeatsTheDevil · 04/09/2020 15:00

I really wanted to do EC but my DD was a stealth pooer. Totally poker-faced. Ditto wees. I did try to spot the cues but no dice. She potty trained fine at 2.5 though.

A friend of mine has done EC with all four of her kids and they were all potty trained pretty early.

TwelvetyOClock · 04/09/2020 15:03

I remember reading that they potty train children with whistles on Vietnam. The parents whistle when they notice the child relieving themselves and, soon, the child associates the two and can go to the toilet on command when the parents whistle.

Redolent · 04/09/2020 15:04

DD is 18 months, and I thought I’d give this a go when she was about 5 months old. Really happy with how things are going. My vague goal wasn't to remove the nappy altogether, but for her to be able to poop on the potty/toilet reliably.

It started with me putting her on the potty after naps, meals etc. She started to poop there after a while, and would make certain facial expression while going. After a few months, if I was around her, I could spot her making those faces, would pop on her the potty and she’d poop (maybe like 80% of the time). If she was a childminder, she would just go in her nappy which was fine.

That carried on like that until about 15 months. Then she started to say “po-po” whenever she needed to poop, which made things so much easier if it wasn’t me looking after her. She hasn’t popped in her nappy since then. Very smooth process and I’m really grateful that I gave it a go.

Just be realistic about what you want to achieve. I never had the ambition to tackle peeing, but not having to deal with shitty nappies - and just normalizing the potty for her- was my rough goal!

WiddlinDiddlin · 04/09/2020 15:05

No different to toilet training a puppy.

You watch for signs, learn their own schedule, provide multiple opportunities to go in the right place, and avoid accidents through total vigilance.

This is all before a puppy is capable of either holding it, or has any real awareness that they need to go more than a few seconds before they are actually going.

As the develop the ability to hold it and the awareness that they need to go, you are building a habit of them only eliminating on a certain substrate.

By the time they are full aware of both bladder and bowel urgency, and have capacity to hold it, they are hard wired to only want to eliminate on that specific substrate.

But it requires a level of vigilance most people can't sustain for children because they are now expected to do more than just raise a child, and have far less of a support network available to help. So now we teach our children to soil themselves first, and then we have to teach them not to later on.

JaggySplinter · 04/09/2020 15:12

It's very achievable, and used to be normal here before the 1960s according to my grandmother. Children were clean by a few months old and dry by day at 12 months routinely to in her day. They didn't call it elimination communication, but "holding out". May gran would always ask after I'd fed mine if I needed to hold them out.

In the end, I gave it a go with my second and third, and it works. Both out of nappies by 14 months during the day. My middle child was 5.5 years before she was dry at night. You hear was 18 months. Much easier than potty training at 2 which I did with my oldest.

Sh05 · 04/09/2020 15:15

My mum did this with all my siblings and myself but from 9 months.
She grew up in India and came to the UK in the early 70s so it was normal to her.
My mum always says that if we had to soak/scrub/ ring dry Terry nappies then we'd all be more open to the idea!

Frazzled13 · 04/09/2020 15:20

But yes, the 9 month old clearly tells them when they need to wee, as long as you are looking out for it. (and no, you don't have to watch them all the time, because they seem to hang on until they can do it for a few minutes)

So do they wear nappies at times when the parent can't watch for that communication e.g. in the car?

steppemum · 04/09/2020 15:36

@Frazzled13

But yes, the 9 month old clearly tells them when they need to wee, as long as you are looking out for it. (and no, you don't have to watch them all the time, because they seem to hang on until they can do it for a few minutes)

So do they wear nappies at times when the parent can't watch for that communication e.g. in the car?

not where I was, they never wore nappies, but then most parents didn't have cars and if they did, baby would be sitting on mum's lap while dad drove.

It is really hard to replicate in modern life I think.

But I do think that kids here learn VERY late. My mum says we were all out of nappies at 2, (cloth nappies) during the day anyway, and that was normal for her generation. I think disposable nappies prevent kids from learning about their own bodies. I would love to know if people who use washables are able to potty train earlier.

Bunnybaubles · 04/09/2020 15:40

I did this (to an extent, never followed them about waiting for cues) with 2 of my DC. Both out of nappies by age 1. DD (now 2yo wears proper underwear and never has accidents.
My DM did it with me and my siblings too. We are all white British.

singme · 04/09/2020 16:21

My baby used to poo all over the changing mat in the mornings when we changed her nappy. So bought a little potty and now we put her on it first thing, after naps and when she gets fussy feeding. Probably more than 90% of the time she will poo or wee. She does still do both in nappies but as we are using cloth I want to try and get the weaning poos in the potty!