Should we stay or should we go? Help!

[Kismet1000]

Hello,

I really need some help on this dilemma. Should we move from a nice safe outer London suburb to Nottingham, specifically to Lady Bay/West Bridgford, which is a lovely area?

Pros for moving to West Bridgford area:

• Slightly more affordable housing
• Can’t afford the home we want in outer London.
• Really lovely area, cafes, amenities, near river, country parks, parks, etc, in W.B
• We have some friends there
• We have explored other areas further out of London but not any more affordable than where we are now.
• My other half will commute from Nottingham to London three times a week (100 mins each way). His season ticket is massively discounted and he has been told he can start his working day on the train. Hopefully there will be seats as it is so far out, unlike if he was commuting from Kent for example.
• In laws are in Nottingham and can potentially babysit our children (7 and 4), who are very full on, we get no help at all the moment.
• Great schools.
• Our house is under offer (happened really quickly).
• Most of my close friends have moved away now and I don’t have a great support network in my immediate area.
• My line of work doesn’t pay well, so don’t see our financial situation improving massively.
• Lower mortgage, wouldn’t be pushing ourselves to the limit.

Cons:

• What if we regret the move? Difficult to return and will have unsettled the children.
• Nothing on the market in Nottingham that meets our criteria now, so we may have to sell and rent there first.
• Our current area is nice, safe, affluent, with good amenities, and people are generally nice, though I haven’t made any close friends here.
• Good schools guaranteed here.
• Don’t want uproot my children, especially elder one in year 3.
• Might struggle getting both kids into oversubscribed primary schools in West Bridgford, especially youngest who has just started reception.
• Long commute - though other half is happy to do it.
• Less employment opportunities in currently unsettled financial climate. Partner’s job is as secure as any can be. But my mum thinks he’ll make himself vulnerable if commuting from Nottingham.
• Would mean me leaving a nice part time job at a school.
• Could potentially improve/expand the house we’re in, but I have never really liked it that much or had impetus to improve it. Other people say it’s nice!
• Would mean being further away from my mum and her partner (45 mins drive away) and my sibling, but I don’t see much of them.

Thoughts anyone? I really need help with this decision. Please vote – am I being unreasonable to move away?

Thank you very, very much for taking the time to read and vote! x

I wouldn't. It sounds like you have a house in a nice area with good schools. Your partner's job is in London, you have a part-time job that suits the DC. I don't see what the big draw is really, just for slightly more affordable housing which is irrelevant for now as you can't find a place to buy anyway. Sounds like you're going to do it as you're selling your house, but the commuting for DP sounds bad and how would it affect his employability in future. Likewise your employability. Depends how much help you want with the kids and how much you want to be around your in-laws and the local friends up there. Sure you must have some friends in London from work or via the kids. YANBU if it's what you want, but sounds like you're having a wobble, and as someone who had those wobbles twice and decided to stay - and very much not regretted it - I'm going to vote for staying. Others will tell you London is overpriced and not worth the aggro and you're right to go. Only you know your gut feeling and what makes you happy.

I wouldn’t, sounds like you have a pretty good set up where you are. You can make more friends and hire babysitters, but if the job market crashes you are far better off being in London than anywhere else.

Not a chance I would do that move.

The main reason being the commute, it sounds ok on paper but in practise I think it will quickly become draining.

Thanks guys. I really appreciate the comments and input xx

Could you rent your house out for a year and rent in Nottingham to try it out. It would still mean upheaval but it would be a recoverable situation if you find its not for you?

Is your partner happy to have 3-3:30 hours commute every day and will you be happy to have him away for that long?

The idea of it may be less bad than the reality.

I'd stay put.

I would focus on making more friends where you live and improving your house. The amount it costs to move would provide enough cash for quite substantial improvements surely?

I've commuted Leicester to London on the same line, obvs things have changed with the trains but I've previously found them fine, not crowded in the mornings but more so coming back. If he's able to do an hour and a half of focused work on the train in the morning with no distractions, that will add considerably to his working day, I think I would be doubly effective if I spent all day on trains!

Sure the commute has its upsides, i just find that everyone I know who's done a move involving a big commute, it's never lasted long-term. Naturally it gets to be a drag and the person ends up getting a job where they've moved to. Which is fine if that's possible and everyone's happy with it. But am just saying I wouldn't up sticks and settle in Notts on the assumption that DP's job would forever be in London.

That commute isn't sustainable for most people.

It doesn’t sounds like there is enough incentive to move. Slightly less financial pressure (But can’t find a nice house), in laws available to help out (but further away from your family) great schools but not sure you’ll get in, OH job safe and commute discounted but prospects for you not great and OH will be doing a vicious commute.. both areas nice.. etc etc

I think To justify the upheaval most people would expect to be much better off financially, or much better job, or much better local amenities, or all of these! Otherwise you’re probably going to find you’ll replace existing problems with new ones. Perhaps consider extending the house- maybe that’ll make you fall in love with it or else will put you in better position to sell and get something you do love. And reach out to the people you like locally but haven’t become close friends with yet- invite them over or suggest a meal. I bet they’ll be more open to friendship than you expect- most people are just waiting for it to happen magically instead of being proactive!
Your friends up north could move or various other things could happen , best not to plan a relocation with them in mind.

Good luck with your decision.

If he needs to get a new job in London, the fact he lives so far away will definitely not work in his favour.

Also, this stood out to me:
In laws are in Nottingham and can potentially babysit our children

I know people who have relocated on a vague promise to get more help, only for the grandparents to backtrack once the move had already been completed.

Maybe think about moving to near Newark or Grantham? The commute is shorter and there are some nice villages. West Bridgford is the suburban home of the sharp elbowed middle class.

I would stay put, too. It sounds like you are in a nice area and I am sure you can make more friends locally if you wanted to.

The commute sounds awful and I would not uproot children if they have no guaranteed school to go to. Your friends might move and your in-laws are only 'potential babysitters' in your own words.

I would do it!!

Your pros list is based on a lot of definite things and your cons list is essentially worries about 'what ifs'

I'd say the pros outweigh the cons and there is the definite possibility that the cons wont be a reality...

It doesn’t sound like there is a big enough push or pull to move from your OP. What prompted you to want to make the move? If it is just house size then can you extended?
In current climate i would be staying where the most employment opportunities are, so more likely to be London.

The commute is a long one but if your other half can work during, instead of added on to a full day, that makes a huge difference. If you don't see your family much, you could still visit just the same. Big bonus tomove near other hands on family. As long as you have researched the possibility of the right kind of house in the right kind of budget being possible there, I'm sure one will come up at some point.

You could get a new job there, make some friends, have a better house and your kids be happy. You won't know unless you try If you are looking for other options, I'd say you aren't too happy where you are now and what's the point in settling for the 'safest' option of staying when it could well work out better

I wouldn't sell a home in London at the moment. Like you said, you'll never get that opportunity again. If Nottingham doesn't work out you're screwed.

BUT I would definitely not just drop the plan. You only live once and the kids are young and will adapt. If you're not happy where you are then try something new (I assume if you were happy you wouldn't be considering it to start with).

I would rent your house out and rent in Nottingham. Get to know the area. 'Nice areas' aren't always what they crack up to be when living there. If the shit hits the fan or your OH has trouble with the commute you can look to move back without major upheaval except schools.

That's a really long commute three days a week. Is that 100 mins door to door, or just the mainline train with additional travel? We're on a mainline train, 30 mins into central London, but once DH has driven to the station, parked, waited for the train, walked the other end, it's an hour door to door and that's quite long enough and adds two hours onto every working day. Three days a week, that's seriously onerous and very draining. So on that basis alone I'd say 'No'.

I wouldn’t be relying on your IL’s to babysit when you move, particularly if your children are ‘full on’. The reality is that the have their own lives and might not be available as much as you you think or as much as they say they will now.

And a that’s a long commute for your DH three days a week, however doable he thinks it will be. It will mean that your DH won’t be around as much those evenings.

Forgot to add, one bonus of moving is your kids will likely be able to afford somewhere relatively close to you in Nottingham. Very unlikely near London.

Don't underestimate the commute. I can tell you now that it will always take longer and can wear you down very quickly. How close are your friends in Nottingham? You could be more lonely if anything.

I think it's a job of renting an air B&B up there, trying commute etc for a week. If you can't get yourselves to manage that then it seems like it will stay a pipe dream.
You could always just keep your eyes out for if anything great comes on the market.

I think your pros list outweighs the cons. You don't sound 'rooted' where you are, emotionally? Jobs/schools are ties, not roots necessarily. If you can be in an area where you have family and friends and you can have less of a mortgage, it sounds worth a go to me.

Unless your DH was able to WFH rather than commute that would be a No. Not a chance.
You'd have 3 nights a week looking after your kids alone. He'll be wrecked at the weekend too.
Stay where you know and revamp the house you have.