If you don’t work, what do you do

[C4tintherug]

For the first time in my life, I’m unemployed. I’ve been sitting at home since March and have no idea how to fill my days. Every morning I start the day with an hours exercise and then I don’t know what else to do.
I’ve spent all day crying today, I just feel like I have nothing to fill my time with. I’m searching for work. My own children are teenagers and don’t need “looking after” like young children.

I've been disabled for a few years now, so can't work. I've found a few hobbies that I enjoy, so I'd recommend trying a few different things and seeing what takes. All mine are indoors because of the above, but I enjoy art (tho I'm not good at it), sewing, gaming, baking and reading. I've also done some home learning. Hope you find work soon.

I don’t work due to health reasons and I often feel like there aren’t enough hours in the day.

I appreciate that all of our situations are unique but what I do is exercise within limits, read, meal plan, prep and cook ( got into this massively during lockdown) shop, do housework and laundry etc and take some time to meditate.

I’ve been a carer for the last fifteen years for both dgm’s who both had dementia. Both are no longer here and obviously I have much more time on my hands but I love my own company and am a home bird.

I am never bored. It’s all about having some purpose I think which can be hard to figure out if you’ve previously been in full time work.

My dc are 9 and 17 so I still have the school run for the youngest and am on the PTA.

Good luck op, lockdown hasn’t been normal life so hoping as we begin to resume some sort of normality you will find a new job

I had a voluntary period not working and it was great. But it is a huge adjustment and not everyone likes it. I've been back at work a fair while now but I still think differently as a result of that time.

Trouble is a working parent spends most of their waking hours doing things for other people, so they have forgotten how to fill time. Plus in a society like ours it can feel worthless if what you do doesn't have cash value.

I learnt new things. I just decided what I wanted to learn and got books and did it. I used to feel I had to socialise but it got quite boring and I realised I needed to learn.

So I would look at free MOOCs, language courses, other qualifications, new crafts.

Hope you are ok OP

As suggested by PP if your physical health allows you to do so PLEASE try and volunteer for a charity. Not are you doing so much good, it really does fill your time and give you a sense of satisfaction.

I work part time and i easily fill my spare time with walking, reading, cooking from scratch, reading educational stuff on the internet losing hours on MN, YouTube, looking after animals, puzzles, housework, getting involved in a few community groups.

It does sound like the rug has been pulled from under your feet a little. Hope you can dust yourself off, dry those tears and discover a new passion to lose yourself in.

Also, how about try listening to a few podcasts while you are doing stuff around the house? It feels like you are not just mindlessly watching telly all the time then and there is some really inspiring stuff out there.

I don’t work and my days are full. I run, swim, do yoga, meditate, take karate lessons, take French lessons, read, write, study, hang out with my dog and cats....

Why not try looking into learning something new or exploring a subject that has always interested you? There are some good free online courses (for example with the Open University’s Open Learn platform) or you could sign up to one of the learning providers like Coursera/Udemy or (for a more ‘high-end’ experience) Masterclass. You could do something relating to your career, or something completely different, there is so much out there.

I appreciate that I’m lucky enough not to have any of the stress or anxiety associated with job-hunting. Nor did I ever feel that my personal identity or sense of purpose was in any way related to my work - quite the opposite, I felt that work was consuming my time and stopping me doing the things I really wanted to do.

I hope things turn around for you soon.

I run my own business online and tend to work part-time hours. In the time I am not working, I read a lot, jog, cook/bake. It's nice. But boredom does creep in and can cause havoc so you need to fill time with things you enjoy.

Do you need the money OP?

Somehow along the way you forgot about yourself didn't you.

Watch the movie Shirley Valentine, have a little wallow, and seize this time of your life- it could be the best phase ever.

There's a thread on the Money Matters board called Earn £10 A Day that you might like to give you something to do and earn a bit of money too. I'm currently spending my days swearing at spreadsheets testing software but definitely enjoying it.

I don’t work (mostly through choice).

I volunteer a few days a week for a couple of different charities that assist women, children and refugees. I also do some admin for our local food bank.

I‘m currently painting the hall and about to start wallpapering one of the bedrooms. When the weather was nicer, I pottered about in the garden.

I’m also really lazy and like to lie about in my pjs and take naps

However, apart from the naps, none of the above has come easily to me. I take sertraline. I have to force myself to get up in the morning and get in the shower and get going, or I think I’d just stay in my bed browsing the interwebz forever

I volunteer online and absolutely love it. Gives me a massive sense of purpose and now looking at paid work in the charity on a contract basis.

(Around managing a 2 year old!)

Have you registered with NHS? I some times see unpaid roles on their website. Also admin and care work plenty of roles. Care homes? Keep going something will turn up

I have a 2 year old and start university this month so wasn't bothered at all when I was laid off last month.

@Anordinarymum I am so sorry for the loss of your son. Your post resonated with me, I also lost my son in tragic circumstances 10 years ago, but, like you, I go from good to bad days and to be honest nothing means anything anymore. I feel so guilty saying that but it’s the truth.

I don't work, DS goes to nursery three days a week. I've got several chronic illnesses so have a lot of appointments, and some days I just sleep.

I crochet, go to the gym following a regime from the physio to help with the conditions I have. I do a lot of errands to keep our weekends free, cook from scratch. I take on all the mental load stuff, and we live abroad so have to be a bit ahead of the game with regard to birthday/Christmas.

I just finished a volunteer role and I really enjoyed that.

OP, you've been crying all day. You don't know what to do with your time. You're grieving and possibly depressed.

You need to heal. So focus on looking after yourself:

• exercise is good, keep going
• looking for a new job is good too, do a bit everyday (and update your CV, etc.), but don't obsess about it
• is money a worry? spend a bit of time to make practical plans and take practical actions to reduce that worry (e.g. sell some old stuff on ebay, look for discounts, read advice on www.moneysavingexpert.com/, etc.)
• increase your sense of self worth by doing something meaningful (learn a new skill, volunteer for a charity, offer help at your kids school, join a local "friends of" group, etc.)
• spend some time outdoors, walk to your local park or nature reserve, look at the clouds (this is important for mental health. You sound in pain)
• do other soothing activities like listening to music
• arrange to meet friendly people and have a chat if you feel lonely (if you feel very lonely, consider phoning a helpline)
• watch telly! Read a book! a bit of escapism is good, and may give you new ideas about what to do with your life (simple stuff like a cooking, gardening or arts and craft program for hobbies, but maybe also new career ideas)
• talk to your GP if you find it hard to do anything for your own pleasure (you may be anxious or depressed, and medication or counselling might help)

Remember: it is not unusual for people finding themselves unexpectedly unemployed for the first time to struggle emotionally (it's a bit like a bad break up, really)
A lot of our sense of purpose and self worth is invested in our jobs. But you can still have purpose and self worth without a job.
Looking after someone/something can help (feed the birds, clean the house, water the plants, prepare dinner, ... Then have a nice bath, do your nails, etc. Start with small simple stuff that can't fail in order to rebuild your confidence, which I feel is probably very low, before you can start thinking about bigger plans)

I agree, volunteering or finding a really interesting hobby would help here.

I feel for you OP, as much as I hate work sometimes, I've struggled when I've been off for large periods of time.

I do an hour of exercise, read, paint, sew, cook and bake, garden.
Can you meet up with friends for socially distanced walks and/ or coffee.
What hobbies have you always thought you would like to take up?

I suggest you volunteer either in a local charity shop, local hospital or school.

OP, when I was in your position, I found the lack of purpose / achievement difficult to handle. I did a big Marie Kondo declutter and some decorating which helped. Then I tackled a couple of small DIY jobs which had been put off for a while. This was satisfying as I felt I had something to show for my efforts

Volunteering would also help to keep you occupied

And online studying eg www.open.edu/openlearn/ www.mooc-list.com/

Radio 4 Womens hour have some interesting discussions

At the moment I've had health issues and been home schooling since March. Then came the summer holidays anda lot to do with organising things for my teen.

I spend a lot of time budgeting and planning

This year once school is established I'm starting to do my driivng theory test. Plus trying to update some quals so that hopefully when and if the job market improves, and I'm able to work, I'll have a better chance of getting something.

With my teen as others have said, yes, they are in one way more independent, but with all the devestating changes in their lives I feel DD needs me to be around quite often.

Example this morning, not a great start to school, not sure how she is eating, so made her a nice breakfast. Glad that I am able to do so and make sure she gets something good. After that waiting for food delivery and take it from there.

good site for free online courses:
www.futurelearn.com/courses
complete mix of things for fun and stuff that might help with future work options.

as PPs have said, having a routine is good - sounds like you're part way there with exercising each morning (I'm WFM, but I MUST DO THAT!!!)

I work in the charity sector, and have been volunteering during lockdown - from personal experience and chatting with friends, many of the large national charities have been really crap at making use of volunteering offers, probably because their staff are furloughed. All of my volunteering has been with small local charities, despite several offers to national charities. Or of course look for local opportunities such as helping a neighbour in need.

Good luck - do try and use the time productively, and enjoy the break from working as much as you can.

I don’t work. Background is, I used to have a career but became a carer for my youngest child. We are fortunate that household income allowed it and my income was only ever the ‘icing on the cake’, so we didn’t really lose financially. My child’s situation has improved greatly and they are now a young adult and off to university, so I’m a lady of leisure.

I exercise
I walk the dog
I do bits around the house, we have a cleaner but just being able to keep on top of things like laundry means that weekends and evenings aren’t spent running around like a blue arsed fly. I can spend them doing nice things with friends and DH.
I cook for the family from scratch
I volunteer for a local homeless organisation

Oh and I also loaf about watching TV too

A few suggestions:

Contact your local volunteering centre or search in Do-It.org for opportunities near you

Go into every room in your house and make a list of things that need clearing out, cleaning, fixing etc. Do one task at a time, make a project of it

Sell some stuff on eBay or local Facebook selling sites: quite time consuming to do photos, write up descriptions etc then the packaging and posting afterwards

Sign up for walking other peoples’ dogs if you are a doggy person

Enjoy the time available to read books - an entirely under rated activity in my view!

Batch cook / experiment with new cookbooks - again enjoy the time available

Consider this period (hopefully short) as a time to enjoy - positive mental attitude and all that!