Is family member in serious trouble? (Health wise) **Big C Warning**

[SkylinesTurnstiles]

Sorry for posting in AIBU.. I know it gets lots of foot fall.

Wondering if someone could help me...
A close family member has terminal cancer, last I knew it was in their throat, ear and tongue and it’s heading upwards, obviously not a good prognosis.

Yesterday they were bleeding out of their neck. After hospital appointment today it’s been confirmed the cancer has spread and is in the main artery which pumps blood to the brain and there isn’t enough room for that blood to pump so therefore they are bleeding internally and is exiting through the neck.. sorry I’m not very savvy with the correct terminology.

They are now under home hospice care with McMillan, have signed a DNR and their partner has a sedative to relax them if they were to bleed out so they don’t panic in their final moments, this is worse case scenario.

I don’t think my relative has very long left do they? :(

I didn't want to read and run. I don;t know the answer to your question but it does sound very serious and as though they could be nearing the end of their life. It also sounds as though they are getting very good and thoughtful care, and their comfort is paramount.

Thinking of you.

So sorry for what you are going through. As pp says, it sounds like their care is proportionate and appropriate. I hope you and yours can find peace in knowing that good care is in place.

If a sedative if prescribed then it is usually part of the ‘anticipatory medication’ pack that is drugs that control agitation, nausea and secretions in the throat. A lot of palliative pts get this pack. The time and frequency that they use/need them does vary. It is all part of the treatment. Difficult to give timescales. I have known pts started on anticipatory meds and then stopped. Others start and never come off them. Sorry, it’s so hard to say without seeing the pt. Rest assured that they are there to help them. Are other agencies involved? District Nurses? hospice? Marie Curie? All are there to support the pt and family, even during Covid times.

I’m so sorry to read this.

Has the syringe driver been attached?

My goodness, I'm so sorry. I truly hope your relative isn't suffering too much. That sounds inadequate but you know what I mean

That all sounds so scary for you all. I think you are right and your loved one is very close to the end of their life, the Hospice at Home nurses are experts in their field and will do their utmost to ensure your relative is looked after.

It doesn't sound like it to me, taking into account what they've been given to ease their passing.

I am reacting to what you've said, rather than having particular expertise, but I don't want to skirt around your question as if you hadn't asked it - I asked very blunt questions when my brother was in ITU and the very honest answers made it far easier to handle; I didn't have to like what I heard, but I was listened to and I was answered truthfully.

It does sound like they are having superb care and support for whatever is going to happen, though. I hope when the time comes, they do have as gentle a death as possible.

Thank you everyone for your kind words.
I will try and answer the questions as best as I can but the phone call was a bit of a blur earlier on..
@PurpleFlower1983 no syringe driver attached as yet. Though they have a tube into their stomach as they are nil by mouth due to the cancer and I know their medication is normally administered through that.
@Chardonnay73 I know McMillan are definitely involved and are visiting possibly over the weekend. I will double check and suggest the others if there is currently no involvement.
It just sounds scary even for me.. god only knows how they must be feeling.

The 'sedative' they gave will usually be a high dose of midazolam. We usually advise people to have dark sheets, towels etc as witnessing a catastrophic bleed can be incredibly traumatic for family. I actually was dealing with a patient today which was erily similar and he wanted to stay at home but to be honest, we have now referred him to the hospice unit as it is incredibly difficult for family to cope with this at home. It's not like having stomach cancer or ovarian cancer. I'm a specialist nurse in this area and to be honest, it takes a very calm, well supported and informed family with excellent healthcare professionals around them to deal with this. I really would consider a hospice bed if possible. for you all. Please take time after this to look after yourselves. There is wonderful support available for families. And also enjoy every moment of normality that you can with your relative. No matter how fleeting or mundane. Palliative care is about living as well as possible until the very end. Read any information you can so you are all prepared for what may happen. And ask for any and all help you need. X

Sorry to hear about your family member. A dear friend had support from McMillan and they were very good.

Also I purposely haven't answered about how long they may have left as I just don't think it's fair to speculate when no one actually knows him but this is certainly something that the hospice nurses will be willing to discuss if asked by family.