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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Do you think that we should get menstrual leave?

432 replies

Sarahpaula · 03/09/2020 20:13

I have had such a terrible period this month. I was in so much pain. I feel so weak and tired. I know that many women feel like this. Do you think we should have an entitlement to menstrual leave from work?

Some countries already have menstrual leave in place. Mainly in Asia, from what I can see.

Here is an article:

in Taiwan, menstrual leave legislation was amended as recently as 2013. It guarantees women three days of menstrual leave a year on top of the 30 days half-paid sick leave given to all workers.
The extra three days came after a coalition of politicians claimed that incorporating menstrual leave into regular sick leave would be a violation of women’s rights. Indonesian women, too, are allowed two days a month menstrual leave and South Korean workers AND students are entitled to take days off when they’ve got their period as sick leave.

OP posts:
Thisisworsethananticpated · 03/09/2020 23:14

I think instead women should get better acess to treatment and pain relief

Not disagreeing OP but given that 50% of th world have this issue , well maybe not all ! But very VERY painful periods shouldn’t have to be borne , things can help

Having period days scares me as
It make me think of cultures where women have to lie in a shed for a few days
It would get abused

Menora · 03/09/2020 23:14

I have taken sick leave for periods many times. And the NHS doesn’t help all women with heavy periods some of us are just told to live with it and take a lot of tablets!

4 years ago I had sudden significant blood loss so bad I ended up in A&E after the GP tried to give me norethisterone (no good once you are ALREADY flooding gigantic amounts)

I had multiple large fibroids it turned out. I lost 2 Mirena (that they told me would help and the first one that fell out was unusual) and waited 14 months for an endometrial ablation.

Fibroids all grew back immediately - last year one of them was already 7cm. Went back to gynae. She said surely you don’t want a hysterectomy? I said I don’t want to bleed like this anymore. She said it could be worse. And they are all intra muscular now and hard to take out - you could bleed to death in the operation. Take tranexamic acid and if it still doesn’t help you can have the induced menopause injections for 1 year. If you still can’t hack that, then come back I will reconsider you for surgery.

So now I wear tena lady pants for 10 days a month so that I can go to work

PatriciaPerch · 03/09/2020 23:16

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Totickleamockingbird · 03/09/2020 23:16

@Menora

I have taken sick leave for periods many times. And the NHS doesn’t help all women with heavy periods some of us are just told to live with it and take a lot of tablets!

4 years ago I had sudden significant blood loss so bad I ended up in A&E after the GP tried to give me norethisterone (no good once you are ALREADY flooding gigantic amounts)

I had multiple large fibroids it turned out. I lost 2 Mirena (that they told me would help and the first one that fell out was unusual) and waited 14 months for an endometrial ablation.

Fibroids all grew back immediately - last year one of them was already 7cm. Went back to gynae. She said surely you don’t want a hysterectomy? I said I don’t want to bleed like this anymore. She said it could be worse. And they are all intra muscular now and hard to take out - you could bleed to death in the operation. Take tranexamic acid and if it still doesn’t help you can have the induced menopause injections for 1 year. If you still can’t hack that, then come back I will reconsider you for surgery.

So now I wear tena lady pants for 10 days a month so that I can go to work

FlowersFlowersFlowersFlowers
Jk987 · 03/09/2020 23:17

I wouldn’t want my boss to know that I’m on my period. It’s way too personal for me and TMI for the boss.

If it’s really bad just take a regular sick day.

PatriciaPerch · 03/09/2020 23:19

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lookatallthosechickens · 03/09/2020 23:23

@Grilledaubergines I can assure you that the men aren’t going to give you a special prize for throwing other women under the bus. Why don’t you believe other women when they say that their pain is debilitating or that they bleed through their clothes if they can’t change their menstrual products on a schedule that would be impossible in an office setting? Why do you think that your experience is the only experience?

I used the phrase ‘medical dressing’ because that’s what pads and tampons and cups are and problem menstruation needs to be medicalised instead of being treated like a hassle that women just need to get on with and shut up about.

Menora · 03/09/2020 23:25

It is a medical condition I agree. But it’s not one you want to discuss with your boss and it’s not one that people even take seriously! So if my gynaecologist tells me I am better off waiting for menopause rather than having a risky dangerous operation what should I do? Insist on having the operation anyway? I don’t know what’s best. I have kids to think of. It is sad I have learned to live with it. I sleep on towels I buy the pull up pants and the extra large pads because I find it seems to splurge up my bum crack a lot Angry. Fibroids also impact on your bladder and bowel as well

Thisisworsethananticpated · 03/09/2020 23:25

Menora Flowers

Ah bless , I had my whoppers taken out Finally and I’m so glad they did

Same issues but sounds like yours are tricky
Have you had children , are you planning ? I only ask as they were Much more Able , willing to help when I confirmed I’d had the use of my womb

Menora · 03/09/2020 23:28

Has anyone ever tried to put a tena lady pad or pant into a sanitary bin? They are too big. I’m like WTF do I do with them? I feel so bad for people with bladder and bowel problems too as I don’t have to wear these all the time but they do and where do they put them? Do you carry the used ones around in your handbag until you find a bin? I’ve trashed many a work loo with a blood bath - I have a tilted womb so large volumes of blood collects in one place then all falls out at once when I stand up

Grilledaubergines · 03/09/2020 23:30

[quote lookatallthosechickens]@Grilledaubergines I can assure you that the men aren’t going to give you a special prize for throwing other women under the bus. Why don’t you believe other women when they say that their pain is debilitating or that they bleed through their clothes if they can’t change their menstrual products on a schedule that would be impossible in an office setting? Why do you think that your experience is the only experience?

I used the phrase ‘medical dressing’ because that’s what pads and tampons and cups are and problem menstruation needs to be medicalised instead of being treated like a hassle that women just need to get on with and shut up about.[/quote]
Not sure you need to womansplain. I’m a woman, and I disagree with you. And let’s not suggest that I don’t believe women nonsense, please.

Menora · 03/09/2020 23:30

I’m sterilised but I wouldn’t be able to get pregnant anymore anyway I don’t think, my womb is a mess. She was just quite sure it was too risky as she would have to take them out of the muscles. My period pains are really fun 😂

PatriciaPerch · 03/09/2020 23:31

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EBearhug · 03/09/2020 23:32

I don't think we should necessarily have menstrual leave. Some women have trouble-free periods, others have very heavy periods, with lots of pain, causing vomiting. Some women find hormonal contraception a godsend; others react badly to it. Some of us work in offices, where we can go to the loo whenever we want. Others have to stand in a classroom or a shop or be out on a building site or whatever. We do not all need the same solutions, because we don't all have the same experience.

What companies should have is policies around menstruation and menopause. This would mean if you have a regular pattern of sickness absence, it wouldn't vount against you if your employer uses a version of the Bradford factor, in the same way that pregnancy illness doesn't count,or illness related to a known disability. It can also cover discrimination, so you couldn't say your colleague is a hormonal liability and discount her for promotion etc on those grounds. There are various other ideas - the TUC has advice about menopause policies, as do some unions.

I think flexibility is key. Like a previous poster, I have found it easier to deal with my period working from home, at least on the first couple of heavy days. I can easily work from home in my job, though, even before lockdown. My manager is not that bothered if we finish early one day, as long as we have done 40 hours over the week. That's not the case for many roles. But lockdown has proved a lot of roles have more scope for flexibility than had been thought.

I agree that better medical acceptance of gynae issues would be a good thing for everyone, though, regardless of whether someone is emoyed or not. My employer provides private health cover, but it doesn't include menopause, normal pregnancy or menstrual issues, which are the things most women will go through at some point.

I also think that entirely normal things like periods and menopause should be less of a taboo in the workplace. Back when we worked in the office, I decided to not hide a tampon up my sleeve when I went to the loo, but just hold it normally in my hand. When I mentioned this to a younger colleague, she thought this was quite a radical move. I don't know if anyone's actually noticed, though, not even when I dropped one on the floor in front of reception (just clumsiness, not planned.) I've also told male colleagues I've got period pains when they've asked how I am, and it's the case. Mind you, what I actually wanted to say was, "all the same work as you, and period pains, too, so what are you complaining about?" But I didn't. But that is the thing, we are often performing as well as, or better than male colleagues, while having to deal with periods, however individually hassley they are, and we are meant to behave as if nothing is happening, rather than getting recognition for being even better.

PatriciaPerch · 03/09/2020 23:33

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Menora · 03/09/2020 23:36

I will over share to my hearts content! On about day 5 of your blood loss journey you will probably also get good old fashioned nappy rash and require nappy rash cream for your bum crack and surrounding very sore areas from the wiping and moisture.

Totickleamockingbird · 03/09/2020 23:37

I have a HUGE issue with not being able to discuss a debilitating situation with a boss/company/HR/whoever needs to know.
Why in the world NOT!? I have had bosses who used to come in with just short of their medical reports and used to discuss all their issues openly, encouraging everyone to take good care of their health while doing this.
What in the world is wrong with having a vagina and, if you are bleeding through it while feeling like being butchered inside, mentioning it so it can be considered a part of your life? Because it is!

OhTheRoses · 03/09/2020 23:37

TBF I have never had a period pain but my menopause started at 43 and I paid by having to wring out my nightie and shower twice nightly. HRT worked within three days. A female GP wasn't v helpful not being indomitable helped.

At 55 I slipped and badly broke a vertebrae (osteoporosis). It still pissed me off that GP tried to sign me off for six weeks, no questions. I agreed to one week. I also asked about a referral to a neurologist and was told that was only possible if I was still in pain after 8-10 weeks. I asked what the waiting time was upon referral and was told 8-10 weeks.

So I stood my ground and quietly said "so it's acceptable for me to potentially take more than 20 weeks off work. You do appreciate that could result in the loss of my job and if that happens the NHS no longer has the benefit of my contributions. Would you care to explain what I have been paying for". So she slammed the form on the desk and beligerently filled it out telling me it wasn't personal but the system".

The referral came through within a fortnight and I saw a marvellous consultant who referred me for an MRI and got me into the best rheumatology dept for treatment with bisphosphonate infusions.

I had 9 days off work, took up Pilates and have recovered very well. And my last scan co firmed the osteoporosis had been reversed. C9ntrast and compare to GP's initial attempt to sign me off for 6 weeks with no intervention.

I don't even think it's a resource issue. It's a combination of attitude and laziness and an assumption that the silly old people just want to be signed off.

What's scary is that I'm now 60 so was experienced, indominatable and prepared to push back. Many aren't and it's an issue. The bigger issue was that it was about the exertion of woman on woman power.

Totickleamockingbird · 03/09/2020 23:41

I don't even think it's a resource issue. It's a combination of attitude and laziness and an assumption that the silly old people just want to be signed off.

This. ^

EBearhug · 03/09/2020 23:42

I used the phrase ‘medical dressing’ because that’s what pads and tampons and cups are

When I last did a first aid at work cause, there was some conversation of how to dispose of used dressings, as we don't have medical bins, and they said, use the sanitary bins in the ladies' loos. And disposables are fabric with bodily fluid, same as a bandage you've wrapped round a cut.

Menora · 03/09/2020 23:42

I do tell people now about periods but I work in healthcare with mostly women so it’s much more acceptable to be open about it. My boss though is the type of woman who went back to work 2 weeks after having a baby so she doesn’t have a lot of truck for me and my gigantic womb problems. You learn to wear black and sit on weird angles, not get up too fast and be paranoid about what you leave behind in toilets

lookatallthosechickens · 03/09/2020 23:43

@Grilledaubergines you said women should just ‘get on with it’ in spite of the many women here who have clearly explained how that is impossible. Is that not what you actually meant? Would you like to correct yourself?

PatriciaPerch · 03/09/2020 23:43

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Pobblebonk · 03/09/2020 23:48

No. Misogynists don't need yet another excuse for saying women shouldn't be employed and implying we're all work-shy.

PatriciaPerch · 03/09/2020 23:52

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