To think my friend hates that I'm friends with her boyfriend?

[Lizzie523]

I met my friend, M, through her current boyfriend, R. At that time we were all friends and occasionally my friend joked that she thought R had a bit of a thing for me. It meant nothing to me because I had no feelings for him and he never voiced them. Also, nice as he is, he is quite an odd guy. My friend M always joked she could never see him in a romantic way and I used to agree.

Anyway 3 years later he declared his undying love to M. At first she rejected him, saying 'come on, its R!'. But 3 months later had a change of heart and now they have been together for a year.

However whenever I stay overnight with her she'd make jokes that R had a thing for me, she said it about 3 times during one visit until I asked her to stop. It wasnt nice seeing this jealous side to her.

When lockdown started I heard from M every week, we'd have long phone calls. This went on until about a month ago. During the past month R and I have been in touch, as I wanted to send her something for her birthday and he helped me decide what to get etc. He also asked my advice on a couple of things, as friends do (just work stuff.

I have messaged her 3 times, including a birthday message which has been read with no reply. I now suspect she is treating me this way because of my communication with her boyfriend. I dont know for sure obviously. What can I do, if anything?

It may not even be jealousy. I’ve known two friends who initially saw the men who asked them out/declared their feelings as a bit of a joke, and joked about them with us and one is now in a longterm relation with her ‘joke’ while the other is married to and has two kids with her ‘joke’. It’s been hard for both of them to get past the fact that, despite no one ever saying it, their older friends remember the way they recounted their first dates, the silly, slightly cruel nicknames etc. I have sometimes had the impression they’d like to selectively erase our memories.

Is this the same friend that you blocked on Twitter?

I did consider that @Feagle. But it seemed to be just a bit of an awkward thing that we quickly passed over.

I'm not going to chase after her. I really value both of their friendships, hers most of all. But I cant force her to speak to me. Ill take the advice a PP gave if I dont hear after a period of time.

If R contacts me, I'll mention it.