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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to ask for your advice re. getting my son back to school

38 replies

brightbluecast · 03/09/2020 16:55

So, Year 9 son broke his leg (tibia) in the holidays, nearly 5 weeks ago. Recovery has been set back (not sure how long) because Xray last week showed bone not mending straight and had to have it manipulated under anaesthetic. In a cast from toes to thigh. Strictly non weight-bearing. Crutches and a borrowed wheelchair.

School went back today. I didn't send him back in as I know staff already under immense pressure with new covid rules etc and I didn't want to add to the general stress - thought I would give a few days for
things to settle down. Have been in touch several times with head of year (good bloke) and have agreed to review situation next week. I suggested if perhaps he could go in from next week for part of every day, in the wheelchair, if there was someone available to wheel him from lesson to lesson. I accept this is difficult in terms of staff availability. I was just trying to come up with ideas.

HoY discussed with SEN and came back today to say that they could put him somewhere where he doesn't have to move and bring work to him. In my mind, this is no better than being at home, so there's no point in going back. He's already having work sent home and is getting on with that. He's desperate to go back, though, for proper interaction.

Am I unreasonable to ask/expect them to accommodate and integrate him a bit more? Even if just for 2 or 3 lessons a day. I don't want to be demanding, but are schools obliged to do this? Nobody has talked risk-assessment at all (which I thought would be a thing). Even if he goes on crutches, rather than wheelchair, he needs to be supervised by an adult really as kids in corridors can be really boisterous and I can't risk him falling. Bear in mind his leg is massive and heavy and hard to keep up out of the way of the floor and he can't put weight on it. Unfortunately it's not a disabled-friendly building - lots of stairs, doorways, very narrow corridors. HoY told me that usually, in these cases, they give the injured kid a buddy, but I don't think it's fair to expect another 13 year old to be partly responsible for the welfare of another child. Carrying his bag is one thing, but making sure he doesn't get trampled in the corridor is another.

Bottom line is that, with one setback already, I don't to risk him complicating his injury further and then taking even longer to heal.

Would really appreciate hearing from others. I re-iterate - this is in no way a school-bashing thread - I completely sympathise with the difficulties in schools right now and I'm trying to think of solutions that will work. Wasn't a great time to break a limb!

OP posts:

Mumdiva99 · 03/09/2020 16:57

Once he's on crutches they can let him out earlier than the other kids so he can get to his next lesson in peace. Would that work perhaps?

Todaythiscouldbe · 03/09/2020 17:02

DS was in a toe to thigh cast for 6 weeks at the beginning of the year. He was unable to go to school as it was impractical, although it was suggested he could sit in the library all day. When he returned after the cast was removed he was allowed to leave lessons 5 minutes early to avoid the 'crush' as he was still on crutches. He was back for 5 days before schools closed so he's desperate to get back tomorrow!

RedskyAtnight · 03/09/2020 17:05

DD has an ankle injury and has her leg immobolised - she's being allowed out of lessons 5 minutes early and can use the lift/doesn't have to follow the one way system - exactly because she can't cope with a mass of students.

Your DS can't be the only child to have ever been on crutches - surprised they don't have a better solution.

Original poster

brightbluecast · 03/09/2020 17:09

@Mumdiva99 - yes, I think they would be able to do that. But I'm still nervous of him walking anywhere alone. I guess they're not obliged / able to guarantee a member of staff to accompany him

@Todaythiscouldbe - ah, oh dear, this is probably going to be our situation. Can I ask why it was impractical - was it from your point of view or the school's?

At this rate we could be looking at up until half-term. So crap!

If we decide to send him on crutches, with plaster (not immediately, but after a week or so, after the next xray) - will the responsibility be entirely on us, not school? It's not like they're saying they can't have him, they're just being a bit too casual about it. Naive almost.

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FelicityPike · 03/09/2020 17:11

YABU to expect a member of staff to be available to wheel your son around between classes. School gave you the option of a safe (for your son) space to learn while in the chair. When on crutches, a buddy & 5 minutes early release from class is perfectly suitable & normal.
Hope his leg heals quickly.

Original poster

brightbluecast · 03/09/2020 17:15

@RedskyAtnight- is your daughter on crutches? Is anyone 'official' helping her?

You're absolutely right - he can't be the first person. All I got was 'well, they normally get a buddy'. Maybe I should just ring the SEN dept and find out what their limitations are. But then it leaves the decision / responsibility with me but I can't be there to keep him safe IYSWIM

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lanthanum · 03/09/2020 17:23

It's extra difficult this year because of the extra measures schools have in place - I don't know about your child's school, but ours has zoned the school, and so there's less flexibility than normal. On the other hand, that might mean he's got most lessons in the same part of the school and so less movement is needed (my child will be in the same 6 rooms for everything bar PE). There's also going to be less space in the classrooms, as teachers are supposed to keep 2m from students - I guess at least he can sit in the front row with his leg in the buffer zone.

It might be worth him having a good look at his timetable and the rooms. If he can see that periods 1 & 2 on Monday, he's in neighbouring rooms, that might be a practical time for him to go in. I agree that it doesn't make much sense for him to be in if he'll just be in the library doing what he would from home
.
Once he's been in for some of the easier bits of the timetable, it might be easier to see how things might or might not work for the rest.

minnieok · 03/09/2020 17:23

Can a friend push him? Staff can't be responsible to push really, nothing to do with covid

Original poster

brightbluecast · 03/09/2020 17:24

So if he fell over or was knocked over in the corridor, that would be my responsibility? School wouldn't do a risk assessment or anything?

OP posts:

FelicityPike · 03/09/2020 17:29

@brightbluecast

So if he fell over or was knocked over in the corridor, that would be my responsibility? School wouldn't do a risk assessment or anything?

The school has offered him a safe space with no need to be in busy corridors.

SionnachRua · 03/09/2020 17:31

I feel for you but I don't think it's reasonable to expect a staff member to wheel him around. I'm presuming from this that he's unable to wheel the wheelchair himself?

A buddy and 5 mins early release from class will make a lot of difference imo.

olympicsrock · 03/09/2020 17:34

I think Ianthanum has it spot on. If there are several periods in rooms close together that would be the ideal opportunity for his to go in for a few hours at a time.
Those who suggest him leaving lessons 5 mins early also right.

Original poster

brightbluecast · 03/09/2020 17:35

@minnieok - even a friend pushing him is a risk/responsibility. He has a leg raise which means his bad leg is sticking out front. It's actually quite hard work to push - maybe staff wouldn't want to do it either.

The covid issues are as @Ianthanum says above. It's a real rabbit-warren of a school and so they've had to change routes and impose one-way systems etc.

He's just got his timetable through by email and will look at the rooms but he's already spotted that he's in some really inaccessible places!

I'd quite like some kind of 'take it or leave it' from the school. They're so nice but they're really vague and then it leave me trying to work out where we stand.

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Racoonworld · 03/09/2020 17:36

@brightbluecast

So if he fell over or was knocked over in the corridor, that would be my responsibility? School wouldn't do a risk assessment or anything?

Yes, they’ve offered him a safe space but if you don’t want that then it’s on you really. Can he wheel his chair himself?

CulturallyAppropriatedName · 03/09/2020 17:39

I am surprised his school isn't sitting kids in the same classroom for most lessons and moving staff around. That is what they are doing at my ds' school. They are having to mixed ability teach for a while.

MitziK · 03/09/2020 17:40

@minnieok

Can a friend push him? Staff can't be responsible to push really, nothing to do with covid

Can't trust kids to navigate slopes and bumpy surfaces - we learn from looking after somebody, such as a grandparent or, most likely, in pushing a buggy.

I've also seen how they mess around with their friends, never mind if somebody who is a bit of a dickhead grabs the handles for a 'laugh'. You really don't want a call to say that he's been tipped out of his chair (completely by accident) and broken his wrist. In addition, with the one way systems, it's likely that there are several vital routes that he just can't access as they're on slopes, down stairs and across playgrounds, etc.

It's not practical to have somebody wheeling him around even if they did have a person with nothing else to do all day, either, so I'd say let him stay at home and work from the online provision they're required to put into place for students still isolating/shielding/unwell.

MitziK · 03/09/2020 17:41

@brightbluecast

So if he fell over or was knocked over in the corridor, that would be my responsibility? School wouldn't do a risk assessment or anything?

The risk assessment would be that he's at too much risk of further injury for him to be safe at present.

Original poster

brightbluecast · 03/09/2020 17:43

@FelicityPike - I'm not trying to be funny or arsey. I'm genuinely asking if I have to take responsibility for him falling over or getting pushed over in the corridor? If that's the bottom line, then I can make a reasoned decision. Out of interest, have you had experience of this (as a parent or teacher), or are you just being a teeny bit judgmental?

I've never been in this situation before. Friends of mine (a teacher and a school secretary) have said there'd have to be a school risk assessment but nobody at school has mentioned this.

Not sure if the library idea is because they genuinely think it's a great idea (which, from the learning point of view, it isn't) or because they feel they have to offer me something and that's all they can do. I'm not sure if it's just one suggestion, or their bottom line.

Of course I can contact them further and ask (they're approachable) but I thought it'd be useful to find out other people's experiences to see if any other solutions spring to mind. Currently the poor kid hates me for not letting him back today!

OP posts:

Terrace58 · 03/09/2020 17:44

When my dd has a severe break, she was not allowed in hallways with other students per her doctor. I would deliver her to her first class before the building opened to students. They had her change classes a few minutes early. Another student, an aide, or a free teacher would carry her bag.

I’m not sure it would be handled during Covid, but it’s not unheard of to need to keep a student from being bumped by other students.

Witchend · 03/09/2020 17:46

Have you talked with your ds?
I have a year 9 ds and he would cringe with embarrassment if I suggested a member of staff pushed him. He'd far rather a friend did.

Original poster

brightbluecast · 03/09/2020 17:48

@SionnachRua - he's adamant he's not going in the wheelchair at all. He'd rather do the crutches ...He is physically capable of wheeling himself - my husband thinks he's more at risk with leg sticking out than he is on crutches. He's clumsy which is, of course, why we find ourselves in this situation.

@MitziK - yes, there's always that one dickhead.

I'll call SEN dept tomorrow and have an honest chat and see if there's nothing else they can offer.

OP posts:

Original poster

brightbluecast · 03/09/2020 17:49

@Witchend - oh yes, much conversation about it here. He's adamant he can manage on his own on crutches. I think the risk is too great. We have locked horns over this .... And you're right - he absolutely doesn't want to be wheeled around.

I see no perfect solution in any of this!

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SirSamuelVimesBlackboardMonito · 03/09/2020 17:50

Whenever I've taught kids who can't get around on their own (foot in cast, usually, but also once a girl with a kidney condition that meant she absolutely could not get bashed or poked in the corridors) they would leave five to ten minutes early with a buddy who would carry their stuff / do doors / act as a bouncer. Kids break limbs all the time, it's not unusual.

Witchend · 03/09/2020 17:54

@brightbluecast in that case I think you're on a hiding to nothing. He'll tell the first teacher that he can manage fine when they turn up, and refuse to get in the chair. (or my ds would)
The leaving 5 minutes early from lessons is a good one. I'd take that, and if he then feels unsafe he can talk to you. If you insist on him going in a wheelchair then he'll not feel he can come back to you and admit he was wrong.

Original poster

brightbluecast · 03/09/2020 17:54

@CulturallyAppropriatedName - they're doing staggered starts/finishes/lunches/breaks and no assemblies. One way in corridors and some re-routing. No extra-curricular activities. No mixing with other year groups. Still changing classrooms for all subjects (7 periods). So unfortunately nothing to be gained on the 'stay put for Covid' front as they're not doing that!

My Year 11 went in today so I'll quiz him over dinner tonight for some more logistical info.

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