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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Feeling annoyed that my efforts weren't acknowledged

33 replies

Daisyhoney · 03/09/2020 09:01

Recently I was asked if I didn't mind helping a relative of my ds partner, by labelling all of her son's new school uniform ready for him to start reception this week.
As she is partially sighted and couldn't do it herself I said I would help ( son's partner said their dm can't sew so couldn't help ).
I spent five hours last week sewing the labels into everything and stabbed my finger countless times into the bargain. I gave the clothes back to my ds and his girlfriend at the weekend and when her dm came to pick them up, I got a 'thank you' from her and that's been it.
I have never met my ds's girlfriends sister but felt helping out would be the right thing to do. My ds girlfriend has since mentioned me doing this again next year and also labelling my dgd uniform in the future.
Aibu to at least expect a thank you card or maybe a small box of chocs for my efforts ? If a perfect stranger had given up 5 hours of their time for me I would definitely have shown my gratitude. I feel taken advantage of, especially when next year has already been mentioned.
Would you just refuse to do this again and tell them that someone else needs to learn to sew ?

OP posts:

AntiHop · 03/09/2020 09:03

I wonder if they didn't realise how long it would take? I had no idea until I tried myself the first time.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 03/09/2020 09:04

Yanbu to expect thanks. But in future I would direct them to the many websites selling stick in labels. These are fantastic, they can be washed in the machine and never come unstuck. I dont know anyone who sews them in any more.

Ukholidaysaregreat · 03/09/2020 09:09

Write names on the washing instructions with a sharpie. Thank you!

TheHappyHerbivore · 03/09/2020 09:11

YANBU but yes, definitely point them in the direction of stickers next time. Life is too short to sew in labels!

Suze1621 · 03/09/2020 09:14

I think YABU. When I help some one out like this a thankyou is enough, I don't expect a reward.

LadyGAgain · 03/09/2020 09:17

I think you did the lovely thing.
I think that living partially sighted with a child must be very difficult and perhaps her perspective of what warrants special thanks differs based on her situation.
The sister who asked you should have stepped up and said thank you. Perhaps if mentioned again you could say something like you weren't sure whether you had done it to their satisfaction as it had never been mentioned...
Or, ask them to buy the stick in ones and between them they can sort themselves!

maras2 · 03/09/2020 09:18

Can't believe that sew on labels are still around.
It's 40 years since I had the 'pleasure' of that malarkey.
Stick on stuff is the way to go.

Cannotwillnot · 03/09/2020 09:20

YANBU. I hate doing it for my DC, let alone going to that effort for a stranger.

Say no in future and point them towards sticky labels/a sharpie.

HermioneGranger20 · 03/09/2020 09:21

Why not the ones you iron on (with hair straighteners for even more ease). You can get them printed cheaply online with your childs name, bit of heat on it and ta-da it is done. Or just the childs name or initials on the label. You went to far to much trouble over this OP it was very kind of you but unnecessary when there are much easier options.

Georgieporgie29 · 03/09/2020 09:22

They need to buy themselves a stamp, we have one from stamptastic and it’s brilliant.
They said thank you? Surely that’s enough? I probably would have got a small box of chocolates but I know how long these things take (hence the stamp) before that I probably would have thought it was a quick job.

Original poster

Daisyhoney · 03/09/2020 09:26

Thank you for all your comments. As my two ds are much older I had completely forgotten about stick in labels. Will def suggest that for next year

OP posts:

FedUpAtHomeTroels · 03/09/2020 09:27

Tell them to order These Stickins They work really well. I still have some from years ago stuck on coats that have been passed down.

Original poster

Daisyhoney · 03/09/2020 09:29

Suzi1621
It's not about expecting a reward it's about my time and effort to help someone I have never met being appreciated. It's how I would have treated someone doing something like this for me

OP posts:

mommybear1 · 03/09/2020 09:31

@Daisyhoney could it be that they don't realise the time it's taken and indeed the care with which you have sewed them in - if they are not used to sewing, it could be they think it's a quick 5 minute job.

PurpleDaisies · 03/09/2020 09:35

Did she know it took you five hours?

Original poster

Daisyhoney · 03/09/2020 09:36

Mommybear1
You are probably right, I didn't think it would take me so long when I agreed to do it. Like others have suggested, they can get stick in ones in future

OP posts:

Original poster

Daisyhoney · 03/09/2020 09:39

PurpleDaisies
Yes I told my ds and his girlfriend after I had finished that it took this long - my dh was here whilst I was doing it and wasn't impressed when she mentioned doing it again next year

OP posts:

WillowintheUK · 03/09/2020 09:40

Five hours? How many items of clothing were there? I’ve four, now adult, children and don’t think I’ve spent a total of five hours putting labels in their school clothes over the years.
As for getting thanks - yes it would have been nice, but I would just let it go now and suggest the iron in ones for next year.

CherryPavlova · 03/09/2020 09:43

You sound a bit mealy mouthed. You did to help not for the glory of being good. The greatest pleasure should be intrinsic in helping another not in the recognition. I would think a thank you would be enough for a bit of sewing.

agododopushpineapple · 03/09/2020 09:44

I’m not a ‘card’ person so it wouldn’t occur to me.m to give one - though I might grab a bottle of wine or something.
That said I wouldn’t realise it would take that long at all.

Original poster

Daisyhoney · 03/09/2020 09:50

CherryPavlova
What is mealy mouthed?
It wasn't ' a bit if sewing ' I spent time doing it properly because it was for somebody else's child and not my own. That's why it took five hours because I wanted the job to look neat . I don't mind helping another person but just don't want to feel taken advantage of ( hence being unhappy about the suggestion of a repeat next year )

OP posts:

seayork2020 · 03/09/2020 10:00

A thank you is all I would need otherwise I would not have offered

Happyd · 03/09/2020 10:03

Personally I'm a bit surprised that you wanted a thank you gift you did a nice thing they said thank you . The mum probably had no idea it took you so long I mean five hours do you think you're exaggerating a bit

FinallyHere · 03/09/2020 10:05

it's about my time and effort to help someone I have never met being appreciated.

I absolutely get that and realise what a kind thing you have done. It is just sad that anyone who has never done it before might easily underestimate just how much effort is involved.

There are plenty of services around here that do exactly this for a fed. It might be worth looking out a few contacts incase you are asked again. Nothing like finding out the commercial cost to help people realise what you have done for them.

Original poster

Daisyhoney · 03/09/2020 10:10

No exaggeration it took me 5 hours there were a lot of items and each label had to be sewn in neatly ( I'm not someone who can do a that'll do job ) . It's not that I wanted a present just to feel appreciated to have given up my time for a stranger. It's what I would have done if it had been the other way round. Also I didn't offer I was asked to do it by my ds girlfriend so felt I should help.

OP posts:

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