Definition of overthinking?

[iTalkToWomenOnly]

Hi,

I know I overthink, maybe I'm autistic/have OCD. Someone once adviced "what if..." thoughts to be just OCD and thus to ignore, but surely some doubts require attention.

I know I think too much in detail, I guess I lose sight of the bigger picture, but it's really difficult for me to figure out what's a reasonable doubt and what's unreasonable/overthinking.

I've Googled to see if I can find a definition for overthinking, a rule by which I could define overthinking with to help me distinguish between what requires thought and what is just overthinking.

People say stop overthinking etc., my problem is I genuinely don't know when I'm overthinking. Google just explains the affects of overthinking, nothing I've found that could help me spot overthinking right there and then. I've asked people how they can tell what's overthinking, but they can't seem to answer. I guess "normal" people intuitively just know.

When people say just try your best with things and then move on I'd do that if I know when I've done enough I massively struggle to know if I've done my best or not, which means I could very far.

It's a serious and daily issue for me, if someone has figured out how to spot overthinking, could you share your insight with me, please?

Hmm it sounds like you are overthinking overthinking. So yes I would say that you are overthinking.

You're overthinking overthinking.

There is no single answer because it is entirely dependent on the situation. Sometimes it is important to consider every detail, but if it's holding you back from living a normal life or socialising or moving forward with important decisions, then you need to address your anxiety.

What kind of things are you overthinking?

To me over thinking is:
A) putting more thought into a decision than the impact would be if you get it wrong
and/or
B) going round in circles with your thinking so you never come to a decision
C) going into possible worst case results which then have worse results, each with vanishingly small chances of occurring

An example of A:
Should I give my DD a banana or apple for her snack? Well, a banana contains potassium and whatever and that is good because …. but an apple contains ….. but DD likes bananas more than apples so …. but what would I do with the skin …. and …..
Just pick one and go for it!

An example of B:
Should I buy a Fiesta or a Corsa: Well, the fiesta has better reviews but I like the shape of the corsa and I like the boot, but a fiesta has better reviews, yes but I like the shape of the corsa …..

C) OK. I'll get the train. But what if it's late, then I'll be late for work. So what if they sack me (never been late before so not likely), and then what if I can't get other work (work in high demand industry) then I'll not be able to pay my rent (have 2 years worth saved up) and I'll end up on the streets (have friends and family who would take me in).

What is not over thinking:
D) Going carefully through pros and cons of a big decision
E) Returning to a tricky problem and having new insights each time you return

Good question. It’s been on my mind all day.

Mindfulness. Seriously. You watch your thoughts and realise how many of them ramp up the nonsense!

I think @TeenPlusTwenties’s explanation above is good, and i would also add learning to evaluate the importance of the decision.

So - whether to add jelly beans or smarties to your pic’n’mix: not important, definitely not worth a mental (or written) list of pros and cons. Realise that your life won’t be worse even if you pick the “wrong” one, quickly choose one and live with your decision.

Whether to accept your Uni offers for Dentistry or Fine Art? Fine to spend a lot of time making pro-lists, discussing with friends, thinking about possible results of your choice, because this is a big thing that will impact your whole life. However, even here there will be a necessity to accept one by a deadline, and overthinking would be missing that deadline because you had too many thoughts and no decision.

I overthink and worry about everything.
It is hard not too. No advice but I hope others can help you.
It's more common than you think ( I overthink things from years back too )

One more thing -
I was recently listening to Phillippa Perry’s “How to be sane” on audible, and she mentioned a case of a man with brain damage to the side of his brain that governed emotion. Rather than leaving him with solely rational decision making as you might expect, he was able to weigh up pros and cons rationally but was totally unable to make any decisions, as apparently that is governed by the emotion-side.

I’m not saying this applies to you, but it may be that your rational brain is working just fine but you need to do some mindfulness work on the emotional response side?
(Unless it’s not completely obvious, i know NOTHING about medical stuff, so take this with the requisite pinch of salt ).

To me, over-thinking is generally just not accepting something at face value but going into far too much depth, unnecessarily.

It can also be ruminating - going over and over the same problem/situation in your mind without bothering to try and come up with solutions to it. Just focussing on the problem and re-iterating it so that the only thing happening is the creation of negativity.

I would describe it as being unable to move yourself out of the information-comparing stage, into the decision-taking stage. There is no one solution to it, but if you're feeling it's causing you problems, you could try setting yourself an internal time limit or a deadline. "I can have ten minutes to think about all the options and then I'm going to just pick."

Remind yourself there are very few completely wrong decisions. If you make a decision and it doesn't turn out as well as you hoped, well then you review things again and make another decision to take you forwards from there.

I try to remember "you can only make the best decision you can with the knowledge you have at this moment". Maybe in six months I will realise I could have done things differently - but if I went back in time, I would most likely still make the same choice because I would still only have the same information to base it on.