Friends who are rude?

[tinybuddha]

Hey everyone

I have a group of mum friends who we catch up occasionally with. Numerous times I have tried to organise something at my house but have failed to get any interest.

I again have tried to organise a get together for a few weeks time. One of the mums made some very rude and negative comments about coming, another mum has beef with another mum and her kid etc etc. I lost sleep over these said comments last night and decided I would cancel the event. It just all seems too hard and has made me very anxious and uncomfortable. Organising drinks aren’t supposed to be this hard is it? It feels like if it’s not at certain friends house all the time, then she doesn’t want to know.

Not looking for any answers really but why are people so damn rude. It’s just drinks for goodness sake. I feel like a fucking idiot.

Why do you keep trying when nobody wants to come ?

What rude and negative comments did your friend give you?

Sorry you're feeling bad, OP, but there's no point putting yourself through the hassle of arranging a get together when people have already indicated they're not interested.

Suggesting once or twice, fine. Numerous times is pointless. Concentrate on your other friends, or maybe see if it would be possible to arrange something individually with those members of the group who may be more receptive to the idea.

You need different friends. You sound sensitive and they sound difficult. It is hard when you don’t understand the rules of queen bees, drama queens etc. I don’t either btw.

Possibly being sensitive, I haven’t known these people for overly long either. It made me feel uncomfortable and I don’t want be held responsible if something “bad” were to happen at my house.

I think it’s mainly to do with one person and their children not being particularly liked, which is why people don’t want to come. I don’t mind this person and the other people seem happy enough to socialise with said person when it’s on their terms

I think it’s rude to say it to ones face when you’ve received an invite somewhere!!! Or am I the only one? Politely decline or if you do attend, just be nice to people even if you may not particularly like them?

@Mummyoflittledragon I am bewildered by the actions of some mothers. I find it exhausting.

Yes it's definitely rude. I wouldn't bother with that behaviour, just have nice people over or invite 1-2 at a time.

I’m bewildered too. You’ll find it all the way along. My dd is secondary. I’m now the target of a smear campaign. I’ve done nothing wrong. I just tried too hard to be kind to and reassure a girl, who was jealous of my dd wanting to have other friends, bullying my dd and her mother handling it abysmally. It’s all blown up hence the smear. 🤷‍♀️

In secondary school I mean.

@SenorPeabodyEsq yep you’re absolutely right

@Mummyoflittledragon that is disgusting, I hope you’re taking it further.

Do these friends add anything to your life?

You've tried, they are not bothered, not worth making any more efforts.

You need to move on

Think drain or radiator every time and ditch the constant drains. Of course sometimes good friends have off days but anyone who leaves you feeling bad every time is not worth the hassle.

If you find it exhausting then avoid them. You can't force it, and it sounds like this mums group simply doesn't work.

Arrange to meet up with mums you know don't criticise others, your life will be far happier if you choose who you let take up space in it

I have had a similar situation. We had a group of about ten mums from a playgroup. We all got on so well, one of the women's kids was a utter nightmare, he would punch and hit and bite the other children and his mother did nothing, he was just a bully. It made meet ups so hard as people started to avoid coming If she was. They all liked her but it just wasn't fun.

What's the problem with the other mum? Is she rude?

Are her children very badly behaved?

I’d invite the mum they don’t like and have drinks if you actually like her. Sod the rest, they sound draining.

@BlueDream no not really, kids being kids, scaring others and being bossy that kind of thing...

@GinDrinker00 haha that’s exactly what I’m going to do!

It is exhausting!

I have similar issues with people only being interested if it’s at a certain persons house....I’d suspected there was some queen bee behaviour going on with a certain person. Then someone suggested dinner(only at our local) I don’t feel ready to do this yet but said I would love to meet and would be happy to host something in out garden, get a takeaway from one of the nicer restaurants in the city....this person replied with ‘dinner at someone’s house sounds good, happy to come to you or I could host here’ honestly not overly bothered about hosting Just suggested it to be polite, but just thought that is so flaming rude!! ’Someone’s’ house. Felt like I’m not good enough...was desperate to retort with...well it’d probably be less of a squeeze here (as your garden’s f’ing tiny) but didn't because I'm not rude.

Some girls are just unbearable and then they become unbearable women.

Operation phase out I would say in your case. I will be doing the same. The dynamics aren't right. Friend’s shouldn’t make you feel like that.

I don't really understand this.
It doesn't sound like you are arranging a drink with a few friends, but that you are somehow trying to organise a get together of people just because their dc are the same age?

In what way was the one person rude? Just trying to judge if what she said was rude or if you are perhaps taking something in a different way from what it was meant.

But, ultimately, it doesn't sound as if these people are your friends. Why not meet one, or two that you actually like, and get along with ?

@withgusto

I think you’ve just nailed it! Very similar to what is happening in the group dynamics in this situation! Ugh so draining and I’m def in the process of phasing this group out.