Feeling numb

8 replies

FriendAlways · 02/09/2020 23:24

I'm not suicidal, would never do anything to myself, but I feel in a constant daze the past 2 days.
I have no job stability and I feel like I just need to cry all the time - it feels like a bubble in my throat.
Nobody knows, not even my DP.
Like I said, i'd never do any harm to myself but I just feel really down.

The only way I can describe how I feel is a burdeny type of feeling. DP is wonderful. I really believe it is the job aspect and lack of ability.
Can't even get an interview for other jobs - I keep getting rejection letters.

Just feel i'm never going to have stability. I'm really low right now.

OP posts:

Houseorflat · 02/09/2020 23:32

I don’t think I have anything helpful to say but just wanted you to know that someone is hearing you op. It’s difficult right now

Job market is tough at the moment . Can anyone give advice on your applications or CV to give you the best chance of getting an interview?

Original poster

FriendAlways · 02/09/2020 23:40

@Houseorflat my life was great at the start of the year. I was so happy and I was making okay money (not lots) but I was happy.
Now it's like the coin has literally flipped. I'm sad, job has gone, no money coming in for me. Been looking for 2 months and applying for anything.
I feel like a massibe burden to DP. He comes home and asks how my day was and it's the same thing everyday.

I have asked people to look at my CV and they say it seems fine

OP posts:

Babyroobs · 03/09/2020 00:13

[quote FriendAlways]@Houseorflat my life was great at the start of the year. I was so happy and I was making okay money (not lots) but I was happy.
Now it's like the coin has literally flipped. I'm sad, job has gone, no money coming in for me. Been looking for 2 months and applying for anything.
I feel like a massibe burden to DP. He comes home and asks how my day was and it's the same thing everyday.

I have asked people to look at my CV and they say it seems fine [/quote]
Please don't feel like you are a burden and that it's your fault you have not found work. The job situation is very bad at the moment with literally hundreds chasing each post. My school leaver son is applying for lots of things and getting no-where, it's very depressing but you are not alone. We underestimate sometimes how much effect work has on our self esteem and how important it is to feel productive. Perhaps volunteer or something if you can just to fill your days, many charities have lost a lot of older volunteers at the moment as they don't want to put themselves at risk. My son has a few hours work but is young fit and healthy and I'll be encouraging him to volunteer somewhere if nothing crops up soon.

Original poster

FriendAlways · 03/09/2020 00:27

@Babyroobs thank you for your reply, the job market is awful atm, it feels like a job looking for a job :(
Like I said, i'd never actually do anything to myself, but when i'm alone i sometimes have horrible thoughts, like "I just don't want to be here anymore" or I fantasise about dying (which i've never done in my life).
Thinking about my DP and family push these thoughts away as i'd never leave them, but these thoughts scare me.

I know it may sound dramatic but i'm so overwhelmed by how life has gone this year

OP posts:

Babyroobs · 03/09/2020 00:34

[quote FriendAlways]@Babyroobs thank you for your reply, the job market is awful atm, it feels like a job looking for a job :(
Like I said, i'd never actually do anything to myself, but when i'm alone i sometimes have horrible thoughts, like "I just don't want to be here anymore" or I fantasise about dying (which i've never done in my life).
Thinking about my DP and family push these thoughts away as i'd never leave them, but these thoughts scare me.

I know it may sound dramatic but i'm so overwhelmed by how life has gone this year [/quote]
I had thoughts like this too when things were going badly wrong for me in a new job last year. Maybe speak to your Gp and explain how you are feeling, you may need some anti-depressants for a while. They have certainly worked for me and really helped to stop the thoughts. I hope you start to feel better soon. It has been an awful year for so many and hard to come to terms with how our lives can be impacted through no fault of our own.

1WildTeaParty · 03/09/2020 00:50

You are not a burden and this is not your fault!
I can see how these tough circumstances would make you feel these things.

Hang in there - get some help from your GP and talk to people in real life. This is a blip - but getting through these things is really hard at the time.

Houseorflat · 03/09/2020 09:18

Talk to your partner @FriendAlways
It’s common when feeling like this to think that family and friends will feel like you’re a burden but people do want to help. Tell partner how you feel so he can support you. Problem shared really is problem halved especially now when we’ve all been isolated.
Keep going one day at a time op. Things will get better one step at a time

PicsInRed · 03/09/2020 09:38

2020 is a write-off, lovely. Total write-off. Don't take any action or make any drastic changes until at least mid 2021. Pandemics go for 1 to 2 years in any given area, you just need to bivvy in, hold on, and wait it out. Like any storm, any disaster, it will pass and you'll see sunshine again. Dig in and hold. 🏖

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