Child's friend advice needed

[Shocked12]

So one of my DC has a friend they are very keen on. Spent lovely days this summer together. Took the child out with my DC today. For the first time I received a message saying stuff had happened between the children which 100 percent did not. I know this for fact so thats a comfort I understand other parent wasn't there so they don't. Two accusations of my child doing something. They are 11. Rang parent to explain this absolutely did not to be told ' kids will be kids'. One if that's the case ' not my opinion if accusations were true at all they are fairly serious tbh' why text me. Two how can I ever take the kids out together again as parent never even questioned child although could here child in background about me saying it was lies. As I could be accused of doing something and parents response she obviously still believes child. So aibu to not want the friendship between children to continue. Never had this happen before so don't want to over react but has shocked me. Ending friendship I think is sad but sickened by the lies too.

Okay just to state one more time and the last time. I know my son didn't do it as what we were doing was a football match. I'm obviously watching them all the time as we had five players and my son and her dd weren't on my team. So I'm watching as they have the ball and I need to get it. Also they were spread out as you don't stand next to each other if you have two players on a football team. I get she believes her dd and that wasn't what the post was about. The post was aibu to end a friendship that has been lovely till now. I won't keep defending that it never happened. My son is absolutely aware of personal boundaries. My son has never been accused of this before. Some of these responses just show that if a child accused me of anything I'd have to prove otherwise so may not be worth the risk of caring for people's children. There is also CCTV there so if needs be I could request the footage. I'm sure it won't come to that. It was more does the friendship need to end as I was thinking it does. from trying to prove on here it didn't happen is enough to know that for sure it does as what's next. She could say anything and it's for me to prove it didn't happen. Also made me sad as in my house is always been a safe place for my children's friends to come play who have less than desirable parents (ss involved with a couple of their friends families) I now don't really want any DC here that aren't mine. But maybe that's just a knee jerk reaction and will change.

@longtompot sorry to hear that. It's a shit situation to be in. How did you help your child through it. My son is upset as I had to explain what had been said and why she couldn't come here again.

Gutted this has happened to you and your son OP.
This girl, if lying, needs to understand the serious implications and consequences of her lies.
The harm to your son's reputation could be devastating.
If they had a lovely friendship before the accusations it just shows you how fickle she is when she doesn't get her own way and the length she will go to punish the person denying her.
It sounds like you all got on well up to this point and if you care for this girl in any way then I suggest you make a deliberate attempt at clearing your son's name in an undeniable way, it's the only way she will learn not to falsely accuse anyone of anything in the future, especially if she gets away with it this time.
It will also stop the rumour mill as well, right or wrong mud sticks, and having irrefutable proof of your son's innocence is always a good thing when you know he did no wrong.

She is not being unreasonable to believe her daughter and you are not being unreasonable for
no longer facilitating the friendship. You’re both being good parents.

If the girl lied, the consequences of her behaviour is that she has lost a friendship and the chance to play football / other activities with your family.

If your son lied and he did touch her (even once), then he’s learnt that girls won’t keep quiet and will speak up, which is also a good thing.

Can you ask for the cctv, although I suspect you won't get it

Yanbu to end any contact between her mother and the children.

Your DS has been accused of doing something serious, basically a sexual and physical assault which you can attest didn't happen and is a serious series of lies. You believe she lied as she didn't get VBucks. Pretty nasty stuff. No way would any of that family be around my DC or me again as I'd want to protect my child for further untruthful allegations

I would talk to my DS again but if I believed him 100%, I would arrange for no contact at all as the Friendchild is not someone you can afford to have in your life. She'll learn a Edson that she loses out on nice days out with friends of she lies about them. Nothing else you can do .

*Learn a lesson (not and Edson!)

Can you ask for the cctv, although I suspect you won't get it

You are legally entitled to make a subject access request on behf of a child and the CCTV should be provided.

O k given your update it sounds like she 100% is lying. I would request the cctv footage if possible and end the friendship. I think it’s important to try and prove to the girl’s mother that she’s lying so that she learns early on that lies this serious have serious consequences.

As a mother of boys this kind of situation terrifies me. I’m sorry this is happening to your son OP.

I definitely wouldn’t allow him near her anymore.

I think I would try and access the CCTV footage too.

It's very sad I'm more sad than angry as it affects alot of things. His reputation ( although glad they dont share mutual friends, we don't share mutual friends either. me now not wanting to be left unsupervised with anyones DC ( what if she said I'd touched her at the sleepover if I'd not given her what she wanted so scary,) mine and the mother's friendship, ( tbh I don't want to continue it, too complicated after the upset as I know for fact it's fabricated and scares me she came up with it. She's more advanced in that way " has multiple boyfriends, social media " my son just went to play football. He liked her as they both love football sees her as one of the boys and that's all. But like posters have said mud sticks. If it had been about me I could of had police here. SS here. So upset about it tbh as things won't be the same with any of DC friends after this.

And even if I got the CCTV footage I can't show it to everyone she/mum tells. Or worry like that. I know for fact it never happened and if police turned up here ( I doubt it very much as there won't be a mark on her ) they can access it. Very sad situation and doubt this is the first time she's done it as was a very quick response to fabricate a story so far fetched. Odd.

I had something like this but it as two girls. I rang the school, they verified my daughters account (said it happened in school) and the girl ultimately admitted she lied, she felt she was going to get in trouble at home and made it up to deflect
It wasn't that the girl lied, it was the parents reaction that bothered me, accusing my daughter without first checking with the school

I never had her in the house again and they moved subsequently. They were mortified in fairness as they had made a massive deal out of the whole thing

She messaged your son to ask for vbucks? Keep the message. And, as others have said, ask for the CCTV. Once you’ve viewed it, you’d be in a position to reiterate to the other parent that the evidence is against their version.

@Shocked12 he made the decision not to be friends with them anymore. He's always been a loyal friend, and they really hurt him. Over the years they've tried to make contact with him, and he's replied but kept his distance. It was nice they finally apologised, and even though I knew he didn't do what they said he did, it still did cast a small doubt in my mind for a short time.

We'll update if anyone's still following. She now has her friends calling my ds a pervert online. Have messaged mother to explain situation as I am now fuming. Explained about vbucks, that I understand she believes her daughter but if she could have a word to explain the gravity of the situation etc. In hopes the girl may recant but also as she strongly needs to learn this isn't okay. Her reply " they'll be best of friends again soon" like it's nothing which is the impression I had " kids will be kids". So be warned ladies coz with that parenting the girl is now a threat to alot of boys. I guarantee you someone will be accused of something much more serious in the future. In reality for us to learn it now what she's capable of when pissed off has been one hell of a lucky escape. In regards to CCTV can't access it now as the business near with the CCTV is shut covid related. But hopefully the CCTV is running if I need it in future. It's like a nightmare. Sorry to anyone who has been through this. My poor ds. I heard it from my room and all my ds said was "well that never happened." He's still so young whereas I'm now raging inside.

Oh OP, this is not going to go away. This has now escalated into cyber bullying which is an offence. I know he's innocent but we all know Chinese whispers and kids and mud sticks etc. I would be involving the police now.

I would also be involving the police.

I’d be contacting the police too. Sounds like the mum is a bit stupid. I’d tell school too. Be proactive rather than reactive.

Agree with pp.
This is escalating.

I would contact the police too, how awful. Hope it gets sorted for you, you must be beside yourself

Your poor son, your update confirms she's lying and it's all about attention. As the mother of a DD, I would furious and sickened if mine ever pulled a stunt like this and accused someone falsely and the mum is awful for brushing it off.

I wouldn't contact the police because your son is above the age of criminality and they might feel obliged to follow it up. But if the girl persists in telling lies about him, maybe seek advice from a friendly local solicitor. Not to escalate, but maybe to get more formal wording of how to make the mum realise the lie spreading has to stop.

That's awful. Your poor son. Hope you keep all the messages etc. I'd write out a timeline etc. What about calling . This organization for advice

BTW sorry if that's already been advised by other posters

Yes I would contact the police for advice.