AIBU to literally want to lock myself away and not talk to anyone?

[Fedupwithpeople]

I just feel because I am (I think!) a caring person then everyone comes to me with their problems and I am actually sick and tired of it.

I also have the same at work (HR position) so since lock down I get senior management using me as a sounding board/moaning platform every single day.

I also have a couple of close friends who are having a hard time and I am always there for them but I am finding it increasingly hard.

But inside I feel like I am about to explode, no one ever asks about me, there is just this assumption that its fine to offload on me/get me to come up with solutions/involve me in things I can do nothing about. It's got so much worse since lock down.

I'm not looking for solutions, as I know what I can do if I wanted to change this, but just needed to vent somewhere!

If this comes across as selfish do your worst, its something different from the usual neediness.

I hear ya. Nothing wrong with a duvet day (or week) and hiding out for a bit. Just get back up fighting. I swear to god this pandemic has lasted for a hundred years already and exacerbated any tendency towards dependence. Run for the hills.

I feel like a duvet week!!!!

Yes I think there are certain types and some of us are offloading machines.
I remember one person I'm not even close to had a problem everyday and I was getting down from it. She never did anything to try and make her situation better. Maybe it was difficult for her but I was tired of having to be the one always listening. I've always stood ground for myself even if everyone goes against me when I've been in positions like that. Anyway, I was going through some tough times and I mentioned I just need a break as I am struggling and she said aww no and then continued to offload her problems. I ended up not answering and later saw a thread on one of these sites saying her friends deserted her and the replies were all, you don't need friends like them 😂
It was good for me and actually good for her. She's since focused her time offloading on some skills.
Take the break you need and return or put up barriers when you're ready.

If everyone is dumping all their negative energy into you and you don't release it then it'll end up swamping you.

You need to decompress. Vent away.

However you can listen without participating. Just do that and don't offer any solutions.

Just been on a zoom call (ironically) talking about the exact same and we were talking about putting boundries in on things. How to consistantly hold them and how some of us had realised that we were way more introverted than we had thought

I hear ya x

Thanks very much everyone. Good and sensible advice. x

YANBU. I hear you. It's so hard when you feel everything is always one-way.

For work, is it part of your job role? I don't know much about HR but if it is, that gives you a kind of professional armour to cope with it. But if it isn't part of your role, it isn't really fair for them to use you as a kind of professional coach/sounding board every day imo. It's hard as it is a sign of the esteem people must hold you in...but there is a limit. Could you subtly become less available to them?

With friends and family, it's hard as well...I would give them a certain amount of time of your full attention and then maybe say, I hope that helped a bit but what do you think about this...and switch it to something else. They might feel better to change the subject too after a while.

I once witnessed a senior leader at work say to a colleague, 'I am not here to offer you free counselling but we can arrange it for you if that would help'. He was not very sympathetic to others but he had very strong boundaries! I wouldn't want to be like that though.