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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask for you top tips for staying upbeat and happy...

37 replies

Bubblemonkeys · 02/09/2020 20:45

...this has been done before I am sure, but I have really struggled this past couple of weeks with feeling low and it all seems a bit pointless. On paper my life is pretty great, but I just feel so miserable at the moment. Not looking for a pity party, just wondering - what are everyone’s best mood lifters? And once you’ve perked yourself up, how do you stay there?

OP posts:
Lottapianos · 03/09/2020 07:32

'Ask yourself how you DO feel, tune in to that. Ask yourself what you NEED, try to give yourself that.'

This

Theres nothing wrong with feeling sad or miserable or lonely OP. Try to think about what is at the root of those feelings for you, rather than pushing them away. There is huge pressure to be 'happy' and 'think positive' all the time, but as others have said, it's just not realistic

nosswith · 03/09/2020 07:33

Good sleep above all else. Since the Covid 19 restrictions and wfh, a walk every day.

Dotinthecity · 03/09/2020 07:33

Don't read the newspapers or watch the news. It works for me.

GingerCalico · 03/09/2020 08:26

@Dotinthecity

Don't read the newspapers or watch the news. It works for me.
I'd second this. During my MC i felt more emotionally bruised than ever and needed to check out from pointless garbage news. It really does work. 90% isnt news anyway.

I think a lot about how i've never had depression, but i've had a lot of anxiety. However I always manage to sort of be my own hero? If that makes sense?

I dont know if it was how I was raised (to be fiercely independent and no childhood bully could ever figure out how to bring me down) but as Ive gotten older i've realised a few things:

  1. its not 'happy' its content. Im content all of the time. I might be pissed off, crying my out out in grief or lonely, but I have a strong sense that how i'm feeling will PASS and contentment will return. I trust in how I feel at the moment and let it happen without telling myself to 'get over it'

  2. I realise that my own sense of contentment and happiness in life comes from me and me alone. I love my partner and my family and friends, but I am the sole person responsible for my happiness. If i'm bored and need excitement its my job to go find it for example, not expect anyone else to give me it.

  3. A lot of other helpful posters have mentioned these but the literal and physical things do work! ie getting enough sleep, vitamin D especially. I take iron every day now as I found I was tired a lot, so that helps. Get outside, your skin needs daylight to make seratonin. Also - pets! Petting and playing with my cats are huge stress relievers, and lastly engaging with friends- texting calling, sending gifts, remembering birthdays, but NOT facebook. I quit facebook 10yrs ago and my happiness soared through the roof. It had become a constant comparison of lives and I realised I wasnt enjoying spending time on it at all. So those are all my tricks Smile

Plussizejumpsuit · 03/09/2020 09:36

@GingerCalico sorry but I think you are mixing happiness and depression up and you post is quite offensive to somone like myself who has experienced depression which is a mental health condition. You can't just avoid depression by being independent or 'being your own hero'
I get your point regarding these are the things which bring you happiness but your post implies you can avoid depression by being sting which is very far from true.

MatildaTheCat · 03/09/2020 09:40

Having things in the diary to look forward to and being proactive at planning my life so I do see friends, exercise and do the things I enjoy as well as the mundane stuff.

Original poster
Bubblemonkeys · 03/09/2020 10:21

Thanks all. Some useful tips 😁. Some I already do, many I need to incorporate.

I really want to deactivate Facebook but spent several years travelling and think I will be sad not to keep in touch with people that way. Also need to check in for things like sports clubs that DC and local events. Has anyone found a way around that? We have moved recently so I have been trying to use it (not very successfully) as a way of meeting people as I am now too far from family for regular visits.

I think having things in the diary has always been a major source of contentment for me and this is half of the problem as so many events and travel plans have been cancelled recently it’s really unsettled me. Travel makes our family happy and so not being able to do that is a source of great frustration.

Finally I work with quite a few toxic, negative people. I don’t really want to leave my job as I quite enjoy it and it would be foolish in these precarious times, but any tips for not letting them grind me down? We are in a face to face roles with little scope for home working. Some of them I line manage and it is quite wearing. Any ideas gratefully received 😁

OP posts:
Shemeanswell · 03/09/2020 10:38

I think you can use FB in a positive way. You just mute all the people that make you unhappy. You just have to be aware that that’s what’s happening. Like the rich friend with zero worries that uploads holiday after holiday, just mute her. Recognise it: “I keep comparing myself to her and it makes me feel like shit, and I haven’t even seen her in 10 years”. It’s good to keep it local. Use it to join local community groups (I find out so much stuff this way).

In answer to the original question, I think self awareness is key. You’re allowed to feel shit. Work out why, then you can move on faster. The things that make me happy are time on my own, laughing with DH (incidentally, last year DH secretly made a resolution to make me laugh at least once a day, which he did, and since he told me about it I realised we had been getting on tons better), marvelling at nature, taking photos, having good ideas in the shower, doing an MA, learning things, making things with my hands.

That last one is v important. It doesn’t matter what you make, or if it’s any good, but there are loads of studies showing that physically making things is really good for mental health.

WendyHoused · 03/09/2020 10:59

Work in a garden - your own if you have one, or as a Friends Of volunteer at a park or woodland nearby.

Being outside, doing something tangible and the exercise you get is proven to help people’s mental health.

rosiethehen · 03/09/2020 11:08

Medication

TheSunIsStillShining · 03/09/2020 11:18
  1. listen to music that makes you smile. For me this is the miracle cure for everything almost.
  2. cat videos
  3. fail videos
I don't watch these often, so to me these are extras that really make me laugh or cringe :)
  1. my private miracle cure for foul mood: just put on a a "fuck it" attitude for a few hours and be really pissed/sad/... to the extreme. I usually end up laughing at myself.
cocopops · 03/09/2020 11:24

@RefuseTheLies

Sertraline, mainly. And a lot of caffeine Smile
This 🤪
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