Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU and thinking too much into this?

26 replies

TruffleMama · 02/09/2020 18:07

8 year ago, way before I met my DP, he was in a relationship with a woman (we'll call her 'Dawn') for about a year. Dawn then left my DP to get back with her ex (we'll call him Dave). There was a cross-over period where she was seeing both my DP and Dave and she played them off against each other. Therefore, she cheated on my DP. Dawn soon decided she'd made a mistake and came running back to my DP. He told her no and that he wasn't interested. Dawn then went back to Dave.

A few years later, Dawn reached out to my DP. She admitted she regrets her decision and know she "picked the wrong man". She apologised to my DP for how she treated him. He accepted her apology and they remained friends.

Dawn and Dave live together and they have a 6 year old son. Dawn and I have a mutual friend (Dawn's sister in law) who told me that Dawn is miserable living with Dave, and although they live together, they are actually separated.

Skip forward to 2018. I met my DP and we have been very happy together for 2 years. Right at the start of our relationship, the mutual friend told Dawn that I had just started seeing my DP. Dawn tried to cause trouble claiming that my DP had been trying to get back with her whilst he was courting me! My DP was furious. He said it was lies and explained that he and Dawn messaged each other occasionally as friends and would comment on each others social media posts and that was all. He shamefully admitted that he took a bit of satisfaction in knowing that Dawn has always wanted him back, but she couldn't have him as he was now the one rejecting her. He blocked Dawn on his social media accounts and said he would have nothing further to do with her.

A little while later, the mutual friend told me that Dawn had admitted to her that it wasn't true and she just said it out of jealousy.

Skip forward to 2020.
The mutual friend and Dawn have become very close. They spend a lot of time together.
My DP and I are pregnant with our first and we just announced our news on social media. My DP shared my post with the comment "Proud Daddy moment xxxx".

Dawn is not friends with me or DP on Facebook. However, of course, Dawn has mutual friends with both of us. It's very likely someone has shown her the post. In fact, I'm almost certain a mutual friend will have.

A few days later and the mutual friend puts up a Facebook post about one of her daughters achievements. Dawn commented "Proud Auntie moment xxxx".

Right, so.. "Proud XXXXXX moment" is a common sentence in both circumstances, but it just struck me when I read it. Whenever my DP message me, he ALWAYS ends the message with "xxxx", just like he has done on his post announcing our pregnancy news.
I can see a lot of Dawn's posts on my mutual friends Facebook wall. She ALWAYS ends her messages with "xx" ....except for the one post from today which has "xxxx", exactly the same as my DPs.

The mutual friend has always said Dawn can never be happy for anyone else and she can be spiteful and loves to try and stir up a bit of drama.
I just can't shake the feeling that she has purposely written that comment to..... well, I'm not really sure why.... but it's rattled me a little. I feel it is slying aimed at me to try and cause some doubt/anxiety etc.

Also.. my mutual friend and I are close. However, since she has become increasingly close to Dawn, I am finding I no longer reveal as much info as I used to when we chat. I hold stuff back. She has told me the odd personal thing about Dawn.. I don't want her doing the same with my personal information. She's never given me any reason to doubt her trust before.. but I'm finding it hard to trust her now after she has decided to become to very friendly with someone she knows can be a spiteful horrible person.

What do you think ladies?
Do I have a point?
Or am I being a paranoid pregnant lady and I need to let it go and just trust my friend?

OP posts:
user1473878824 · 02/09/2020 18:10

In the nicest possible way, get a grip.

MsEllany · 02/09/2020 18:11

You are wildly overthinking this. Absolutely crazed.

PlateTectonics · 02/09/2020 18:14

The FB thing is incredibly minor and you just need to stop worrying about it.

But I think it's reasonable to step back a bit from the mutual friend now that she is so close to Dawn - whether or not, she's sharing personal stuff about you, I'd find that a bit weird.

raddledoldmisanthropist · 02/09/2020 18:15

Do I have a point? No.

Or am I being a paranoid pregnant lady and I need to let it go and just trust my friend? Yes.

You are reading far, far, far too much unto the number of kisses on a facebook status. Your DP is not interested in her. Any jealousy she may have is completely irrelevant to you.

Whatever the reason you are obsessing over this woman, it's not rational. If you start policing whether your friends are allowed to interact with people you don't like you will end up with far fewer friends.

Honestly if this kind of thinking is at all common for you, or if you can't put it from your mind, I really would consider seeking professional help. Having a kid is hard, you need to be dealing with issues like this now.

DDiva · 02/09/2020 18:15

Totally overthinking it !
She added 2 extra 'x' on a post that was nothing to do with you. That's irrelevant.

Totally understandable to limit what you tell mutual friend tho.......

managedmis · 02/09/2020 18:17

Oh god I can't read all that

AranciaRosso · 02/09/2020 18:19

@managedmis

Oh god I can't read all that
This.

Are you 14?

RunningFromInsanity · 02/09/2020 18:20

It’s possible she did it on purpose. Woman can be petty.

Just ignore her and revel in the fact you have everything she wants but will never have.

dontlikebeards · 02/09/2020 18:33

You are completely overthinking this.

SparklyLeprechaun · 02/09/2020 18:34

That's 3 minutes of my life I'll never get back.
Have you nothing better to do than overthink every nonsensical social media post?

TruffleMama · 02/09/2020 18:40

Thank you for the honest feedback so far, ladies. Keep it coming.

I would like to point out that I do suffer from anxiety and over-worrying. I have a history of catastrophizing situations - it leads me to thinking illogically and focusing on the "worst case scenario".

I have undertaken cognitive behavioral therapy in the past which sometimes helps.. but other times, I need reassurance and confirmation from others to help me realise that I'm reading into things too much. I guess that is what I need right now in relation to my original post.

I have also previously taken a low dose of anti anxiety meds when my anxiety is particularly bad. I'm not taking anything at the moment due to being pregnant, but I will discuss this with my GP once baby is born and I have stopped breastfeeding.

OP posts:
TruffleMama · 02/09/2020 18:43

@SparklyLeprechaun

That's 3 minutes of my life I'll never get back. Have you nothing better to do than overthink every nonsensical social media post?
You didn't have to waste another 30 seconds of your life typing a non-helpful reply.

I don't overthink every nonsensical social media post. As I stated in my original post, this one just struck me for the reasons I have explained and gone on to further explain in my second post.

Sorry to have wasted your time!!

OP posts:
Redbirds · 02/09/2020 18:50

I know someone very like "Dawn" and I think you are right OP however it's really not with giving a flying fuck about. Don't waste your precious time thinking about this woman or discussing anything with your mutual friend. I agree with PP step back from this mutual friend as it has the potential to give you grief. Enjoy your pregnancy it's too special to be spoiled by a silly bitch.

itsgettingweird · 02/09/2020 18:55

You're pregnant so can be excused hormones.

But seriously - why do you care?

starlet14 · 02/09/2020 19:07

I thought there was going to be a serious issue until I read about you counting the amount of kisses 🤣 sorry op that made me chuckle!

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 02/09/2020 19:18

Grin ahhh pregnancy hormones and overthinking are amazing.

I cringe when I think of the irrelevant stuff I stressed about whilst pregnant.

Just block her so you can't see her posts and you won't have an issue anymore.

WendyHoused · 02/09/2020 19:19

Chick, you are off the charts crazy in overthinking this.

Blame pregnancy hormones and move on.

(And congratulations)

TruffleMama · 02/09/2020 19:25

@starlet14

I thought there was going to be a serious issue until I read about you counting the amount of kisses 🤣 sorry op that made me chuckle!
Glad I made you chuckle Grin

It's just out of her "norm" to add that many and it is my DPs norm. She also wrote exactly the same comment as my DP had written just days earlier on our pregnancy announcement post. Like she had copied the entire comment, kisses and all.
I know for a fact that our pregnancy news will have touched a nerve.

OP posts:
Pipandmum · 02/09/2020 19:31

Way. Over. Thinking. This.
Really, it's been years. Have confidence in your relationship.

NorthDowns · 02/09/2020 19:33

Why do I spend so much time reading such shit 😩😩

BaconsLaw · 02/09/2020 19:35

@SparklyLeprechaun

That's 3 minutes of my life I'll never get back. Have you nothing better to do than overthink every nonsensical social media post?
Unnecessarily mean.

OP, she probably did purposely copy what your partner wrote, and if she did, she's had the desired outcome, hasn't she?

Stop giving this pathetic woman a second thought. Enjoy your life with your partner and start pitying her and stop overthinking everything.

Good luck with your pregnancy.

Alwaysoutofreach · 02/09/2020 19:36

Block her, you don't need this negativity.

My DH ex tried to do the same, in the end I just blocked everything and made both our profiles private.

You have the man and the family, and if that eats her up enough to be bitter, thats her problem.

Jonoula · 02/09/2020 19:44

Listen Dawn probably was having a pop at you. But so what! You got the man. You got the baby. That is everything. But your friend - loosen the closeness. X

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 02/09/2020 20:13

Why do I spend so much time reading such shit

🤷‍♀️ why do you spend so much time typing bitchy unhelpful remarks designed to make a pregnant woman feel like crap.

Freshhel · 02/09/2020 20:21

My DP and I are pregnant
Hmm