How to let go of a friend that doesn't really care about you

[Tiger929]

Even though you will miss them? The relationship isn't equal anymore, it is always me making the effort, I'm left out of things, etc. Recently I confided in them about something traumatic I'm going through and they didn't seem bothered, haven't even responded to my last text. I've come to realise that they actually aren't a very nice person. So, how do you let go of a friendship of years with minimal sadness in the process? :(

I think you just need to remind yourself of why the friendship is no longer good for you.
Perhaps take up some new interests?

Trying to keep your friendship going sounds like hard work. Friendship isn't meant to be hard. It flows naturally. I think you need to just break away cleanly rather than hope that she suddenly changes her behaviour. You are almost begging for her attention which isn't great for self esteem. The same would be true of any relationship.

This cliche has sense - never make someone a priority in your life when you are just an option in theirs.

To be honest, you don't even seem to be an option. She has all the power. You need to pull it back by saying goodbye. It's sad when relationships wane, but that's life. And when one door closes.....

@Teal99

Trying to keep your friendship going sounds like hard work. Friendship isn't meant to be hard. It flows naturally. I think you need to just break away cleanly rather than hope that she suddenly changes her behaviour. You are almost begging for her attention which isn't great for self esteem. The same would be true of any relationship.

This cliche has sense - never make someone a priority in your life when you are just an option in theirs.

To be honest, you don't even seem to be an option. She has all the power. You need to pull it back by saying goodbye. It's sad when relationships wane, but that's life. And when one door closes.....

I needed to hear this, thank you.

I made that decision about a couple of people.
I thought we were there for each other, through thick and thin etc.
Turns out it was a bit more one sided than that.
I just stopped making the first move and tellingly, the friendships withered.
I'm still a little sad, but a couple of unexpected friends really came to my aid in their absence.
I've no regrets.

Let it fade, that’s what I’ve done with a couple who were not treating me & DH very well. No need to make any announcements or cause drama.

Be sure you aren’t being over sensitive, I’ve seen a few threads of this sort and I have been feeling like it with one or two people as well but these are strange times

I needed to see this today. I've been very unhappy about an old friendship for a while and I think I just need to start letting it go. I thought we viewed each other in the same way- we may not always see each other due to distance but we'd always be close- however, the more I've thought about our friendship the more I've realised that I've put more into it than she has, and it makes me feel really sad.

I'm sorry you're feeling similar, OP. It's hard to let go of someone who means so much to you but in the long run it will be better for us both.

I've just done this. V v close friendship but he is probably a narc. I wish it had happened sooner. It was hard for a month or so but then actually the freedom was suddenly liberating. Just put some space between you and them for a bit. If they come back and your heart sinks, then you know that you need to let them go permanently.

I was watching This Morning a few weeks back and Eamonn Holmes said - you’re oldest friends are not necessarily your best friends, they're just the ones that got there first.

True that.

I'm feeling very similar. I have two friendships where I feel I am doing all the work. Yet if I drop them completely, I would literally have no friends. I really struggle to make friends and when I do, they aren't the right friends for me either. It makes me pretty depressed to be honest.

A lovely friend, who NEVER initiates contact with me, told me she gets really anxious when she knows she should contact people or she’s aware it’s “overdue” and it gave me a different perspective. I’ve concluded there are people who organise and people who accept invites and if I want to stay in contact with the latter I do the work. Often these people bring other qualities to the table and the only time I would axe a friendship would be if someone never responded to me. I am quite old and at different times old friends have annoyed me on this subject but I’ve stuck with them and I’m so glad

Just go NC

if you don’t think they’re bothered then you’ll lose nothing anyway, just stop calling/messaging or arranging to meet and see it as a positive step into the next phase of your life. No need for any drama or upset, if they contact you answer one in 3 messages or so and maybe meet occasionally if it suits you, but just let it fade.

by letting go, it all gets done.

Similar situation here, sort of. I decided to stop being the one to initiate contact the day before my birthday this year. Heard nothing from them til I got a random text about a month later about how they were having lovely day out, and nothing since. I'm not missing them tbh.

As to how to get over the sadness.... I'm feeling like continuing as things were would have made me sadder long term, than what has actually happened.

I now have one less unequal/upsetting relationship in my life, and it was a good decision to make for myself.