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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

after school club

14 replies

DonnaR1987 · 02/09/2020 16:17

DD has just started year 6, she will be 11 next month.

She is absolutely devastated because her best friend no longer goes to wrap around care after school.

She is now apparently the oldest there, with no other year 6s. She wants to come home by herself.

She doesn't understand that the rest of her friends either go home to a parent who isn't at work (or is working from home), a grandparent, aunt, older sibling etc....

I am saying no, because I work an hour away from home. I get home at 6pm. She would have to be on her own for almost 3 hours.

I have absolutely no family whatsoever, I'm a single mum, and my friends don't live locally. So when I say she'd be on her own, I mean completely on her own.

It is only a 2 min walk so the walk itself does not phase me, it's just her being on her own so long.

She is sensible and knows to go to neighbours, call 999, lock the door etc... she says I am babying her.

AIBU to say no coming home alone until senior school?

OP posts:

Cbatothinkofausername · 02/09/2020 16:22

Hmm, most wont agree but I was a ‘latch key kid’ after 11-12 and it never did me any harm.

Waveysnail · 02/09/2020 16:26

It really depends on how sensible she is. If she is one older kids on her year and you feel you could trust her then I wouldnt have an issue. Perhaps door camera so you can see her get home ok? And rule that she doesnt cook or open the door to anyone?

Waveysnail · 02/09/2020 16:27

U could also compromise on say 3 days in afterschools and 2 days at home to see how she gets on

Original poster

DonnaR1987 · 02/09/2020 16:29

isnt it illegal if shes only 10? shes not even 11 yet... it seems such a long time, almost 3 hours on her own

OP posts:

Ickabog · 02/09/2020 16:34

You say she's sensible, and nothing in your post indicates you have concerns about her actually being home alone, just that you think it's a long time. In this situation I would definitely let her have a day or 2 at home each week to see how she gets on. It must be very boring being the only year 6 at after school club, even more so if it's 5 nights a week until 6pm.

toomanyspiderplants · 02/09/2020 16:34

I am not sure there is actually a legal age.,its very dependent upon the child and circumstances.

its a tricky one I have left my 11 year old alone. ,but not for 3 hours and not consistently.

AvoidingRealHumans · 02/09/2020 16:39

I agree with pp. Could you do some in after school club and some days home alone so she isn't alone all week after school all week.

It isn't illegal, there is no legal age limit on when children can be home alone, it is down to your judgement.

Whaleandsnail6 · 02/09/2020 16:41

I'm with you op, it's not something I'd consider just yet. I'd tell her maybe spring next year but for now I'd be sticking with the after school club.

Janek · 02/09/2020 17:19

A friend of ours' year 6 son did this last year - October birthday, but cycled home across town and stayed on his own until parent returned home. It seemed a bit shocking at first (the cycle more than being at home), but actually he was only a couple of months younger than dd1 was when she cycled to secondary school, and nobody thought that was shocking!

Talk to her about what she would do at home on her own, make up some rules together (eg no boiling water?), if you think she would be all right, then she probably will be. You know her best, don't worry about what other people think!

parietal · 02/09/2020 17:28

I'd say she has to do the afterschool club at least 3 nights per week for the 1st term, then you can see how it goes.

If she is home alone, what will she do? would she have unsupervised internet access & what might she get up to?

ClarencesMum · 02/09/2020 17:33

I had similar feedback about after school club with my son at the same age and he started coming home himself however I worked 15 minutes away and it was only an hour.

He had to text me and he knew the neighbours were there if there were any issues.

But I can't see me letting my youngest do the same any time soon, he is a different kettle of fish.

It's a tricky one, only you know how your child will cope.

NameChange657 · 02/09/2020 19:12

Could you compromise at after school club until 11? Or the spring? We are about to head into the dark nights again which I think would influence my decision

NothingIsWrong · 02/09/2020 19:22

Could you ask ASC if they will release her at say 4.30? She can get a snack there and then come home for a bit on her own?

NothingIsWrong · 02/09/2020 19:23

For information, my eldest is Y6 and will be doing exactly this one day a week - his Y3 sister will have to stay until 6.15pm when I collect, but he is going to be allowed to walk home from 5pm after he's had some food

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