To ask for a hand hold regarding pregnancy

[LampGenie]

So, 43, post chemo, and going by the dates 7 weeks pregnant today. This is a great surprise obviously - we hadn’t used any barriers for over 5 years as we were told during a fertility assessment there was so little chance without IVF so had written any chance of a second off. Going for a viability scan tomorrow. Only people who know are DH and my mum so nervous and in need of a hand hold.

Now part of my thinks for this little person to have made a home in me, it must be a fighter and this is an absolute gift. My other side thinks this is mental, it could be seriously disabled in ways we can’t even scan for and what do I do if something is picked up considering it is such a miracle to get to this stage even??

Also, there was a thread not long ago where the OP asked if people regretted having a ‘last chance baby’ and many more people said yes than I thought would. So... if anyone from that thread is reading this - why did you regret it? Was it the additional needs of the child? Additional cost? Sleepless nights?

TIA x

Well, ok: "making sure" was a slightly crass phrase then. I am certainly not going to make a pre-emptive call and I am not sure what I could or couldn't deal with - maybe I would know more when I get the news if that is how it turns out.

How do you find dealing with a child with complex special needs?

DD is a teen now and the light of my life. However, she will need lifelong 24/7 care, never be independent. Having her cost me my career, it wrecked me financially, it cost me many friendships, ruined my marriage and my health esp the mental health took a massive hit, it also left us largely isolated. Still, I couldn't imagine my life without her but had I known before having her what life would look like, I would have remained childless. And the thought that I will have to leave such a vulnerable person behind one day when we know how society treats those with disabilities who don't have families to advocate for them is tormenting. It's not the life I wanted for my child, not for myself.

Hello this is such a lovely post. Good luck tomorrow. I had a baby at 44, absolutely nothing I regret.

Congratulations OP

That sounds very hard and thank you for sharing your story with me. Must have been an enormous shock when she was born.

Must have been an enormous shock when she was born.

she has autism and severe learning difficulties. nothing diagnosed at birth... we only noticed things at 18 months old. formal diagnosis came a bit later.

Massive congratulations

Huge congratulations OP xx

Please don't get too hung up on possible additional needs, some risks are increased with age but more or not. It's a risk every single person takes who has a child.

I had my first child - a little boy at 39 and am now pregnant again at 42 after being told we were suffering from secondary Infertility. I had the Harmony Test at 11wks which returned inconclusive due to lack of fetal DNA, I then repeated the test at 13wks and it came back inconclusive yet again. It caused me immeasurable stress and anxiety for over a month and I'd never take the test again.
I had the NHS combined screening instead at 14wks which came back extremely low risk and reassured me for now. (Yes I'm aware lots of things can't be detected before birth, the same for everyone's babies).

I've also had extra scans at the hospital due to age and gestational diabetes. All perfect so far and a private gender scan last night revealed we're expecting a little girl now.

Life happens....it's easy for people to have an opinion that they wouldn't have children over a certain age when they're sat with their "perfect family" already, some of us haven't had the opportunity till later.

Enjoy your miracle, I'm certainly going to enjoy mine xxx

I had my 3rd at 44. Very different scenario but he did feel like a miracle baby. It was the most straight forward pregnancy and all the baby bit was fine. I won't lie, the toddler years at 47 are tough but lock down hasn't helped. I think if he was my 1st I'd have managed better , i have a large age gap and having done it all before, it's hard to revisit some aspects I don't enjoy! I was mega anxious throughout pregnancy though and was fixated on chromosome problems and possible risks to me. So I do get that concern. But all tests were reassuring and somewhere along the way I relaxed into it.

I agree that it's a risk everyone who has a child takes. They can't test for everything. Hope all goes well.

@dairyfairies how old were you when you had DD?

30. Chromo issues can happen at any age but the risk goes up with age.

Yes I have noticed you have given that advice to a number of potentially “older” parents that might have sub-quality eggs, whilst it happened to you when you were so much younger. I guess it shows whatever the odds, the opposite can happen.

Congratulations xx