To relocate...have you, would you?

[WithGusto]

Posting for traffic here really.

Feel like we're at a crossroads as a family. We know we're definitely going to try sell our current home but not sure whether we stay here in my home town (we moved back here from a large city 8 years ago) or relocate to a completely different part of the country - where DH grew up.
Where we are is a post industrial town and I'll be blunt it's not great...in fact the town centre itself is downright grim and not safe, but it's where I'm from and where my parents are, and residentially it's weirdly lovely, lots of green belt, nice suburban outcrops and semi-rural areas, which come with a high price tag to match (overly inflated imho), something which has also struck me in recent years is how unfriendly/horrible people generally are here. Lots of anti-social behaviour - even in the nicer areas, and where we are there's a lot of wealth but these people are generally arrogant/horrible and have 'reputations'.

Schools aren't great either.

I've would never have considered it before but having my two DC (currently toddlers) I'm thinking do I really want to bring my children up here, what is keeping us here.

Really it's only my parents, who I love dearly, and who are brilliant Grandparents. But after a large argument some years ago now our relationship has never been the same sadly but I the thought of how upset they'd be makes my heart hurt.

Where DH grew up is wonderful, it's countryside and coastal so there's a massive focus on outdoor life and hobbies - which we love and the two local town centres are thriving and have always seemed very, safe and friendly. Schools are in the main excellent also.

And in the outlying villages property is much better value. We've been looking at few things around the £400/600,000 mark which here would be around the £700-850,000 mark- we could never afford that, and we know we would be massively compromising staying here in a nice enough area.

I just don't know what to do I feel like there's some weird pull keeping me here but in the main I think it's only disappointing my parents. Is this the right basis for staying?!?

I worry about work a little, I do a small part time job but given we're near a large city it is ok salary wise - I know I wouldn't get this if we moved. DH has his own business which he is pretty confident given its nature could carry on without too much disruption - it may mean more time away though, not sure how I'd feel about that.

WWYD, have you been in a similar position? How did it work out for you.

I've no similar experience to share but it seems like a good move to me. I love where I live - it's a great place for the children to grow up. They wont be toddlers for long - they'll be teenagers meeting up with friends without you. Where I live feels safe and friendly and I think that's very important!

In your circumstances, I would definitely relocate.

I wouldn't stay in a place I wasn't happy and didn't feel was right for my family for the sake of other people.

In fact I used to live in a place that people relocate to, and surprisingly often the parents would follow in a year or two, having gone to visit and realising they would rather live there too. So that might be a possibility.

Thanks @runninguphills where we are feels none of those things, lol, and I feel sad I can't say that I love where we live.

I worry about the teenage years given the high schools here! Neighbours have said oh well everyone here just seems to go private. I don't want to have to scrimp and scrape to do that!

I have relocated twice to different parts of the UK, but I was a singleton both times and I moved purely for a job. Now married and we are really restricted to living within a commute of London due to the sector we both work in (could change post covid but to date has been the case).

I think if you are satisfied the work opportunity will be there, a move for you sounds like a no brainer.

We moved about 10 years ago to make sure our youngest got into a good school. Other resins too to be honest. It meant we doubled how far away we were from both sets of parents.

No regrets, it's been great for our son.

Would you parents consider moving at the same time as you?

I would definitely look into relocating if you feel you could be happier elsewhere.

I would move. But then again, my family lives in another country and I gladly moved far away from them, so I am not one for family ties or keeping close to where I grew up. But we live in a lovely countryside coastal area (dh also self employed and I work in London, in normal times). It's still the best place for us to live and I wouldn't want to live anywhere more busy and built up. The extra travel is fine because we have a nice peaceful life here and lots of fresh air and space.

It sounds, based on your post, as if the only thing that's really keeping you where you are is your parents. And its not really a basis for deciding where to spend the rest of your life.

I would say relocate.

We moved 4 hours away from all family to a more rural place that's great for outdoorsy stuff etc, and with less reason than yoy, OP, since the place we moved from was also a really nice area. We haven't regretted it for a moment. In your case it sounds like a no-brainer tbh, especially given what you say about the poor schools and unsafe town centre. Why bring your dc up there if you have a choice?

Whereabouts are most of your friends or your in laws?
It sounds like a great move to me - nothing is forever, you can put down roots for the rest of the time your children are at home and then you may move again?
Nothing wrong with different places for different chunks of your life

Have you looked at surrounding areas? Perhaps there’s somewhere that has decent schools and allows you to keep your job and see your parents?

It sounds like where your husband is from is far away. If you end up struggling to get a job and he’s away a lot, you might find it tough. So if you do move there, I’d make sure you have a plan for making new friends and getting settled.

@leafeater sorry I'm drip feeding here aren't I! My in-laws and DH's extended family are mostly in his home town (sorry should have said) so we have family connections there and where we're looking we'd be about 10/15 mins away.

He has 3 good friends (and their families) dotted about where we're looking as well ranging from down the road to 10/20 mins away.

We have @JoJoSM2 but we'd be talking an hour or more away really which would be no good for my current job and property would be even more expensive/unaffordable sadly. And we'd know no one, going to where my husband's from we would have connections.

I do wonder about friendships for me though, those that have made the move what did you do. My closest oldest friends are dotted around the country/world now and that was one of the reasons we moved back here as when our last friends left we felt we had no real ties anymore. I've only really made one good friend back here and we're not as close as we were due to different lifestyles. The rest are acquaintances and haven't really progressed much further, this is source of sadness for me and although I would like some stronger bonds I do sometimes think it's better than nothing, and moving would be starting from scratch.

If you’re worried about committing can you try it for a year? Rent your house out and see if it works for you. Maybe totally unrealistic but just a thought!

Interesting @Lurkingforawhile I will chat to DH about that option. Not something I had even considered, certainly worth thinking about. Especially before the DC start school.