help me plan my wedding

[weddingstressincovid]

Hello wise people of MN please help me!

DP and I were getting married in UK somewhere which ticked our boxes but the location which is quite far from us has no significance. The venue went bust in COVID which I was partly happy about (it's someone's house (an estate) and they just don't want to refund people because they're greedy so closed their business). We would have had 50-60 guests.

We decided on a new venue which does mean something to us, in another country (lets ignore COVID for now) and we are doing it on the same date. Now only with 30 people who are all family or best friends.

However, due to language barriers we have chosen to not have the legal ceremony abroad. We will have a church ceremony and reception there but the church ceremony is more symbolic and not legal.

So here's the decision:

1. get married in a beautiful registry office in London (we are from just outside, all family can easily commute in and I work in London) followed by a meal at a local gastro pub, £40 a head menu plus we will buy a few bottles. The rest people can get their own.

2. get married in the local church which is Catholic. DP isn't catholic but is willing to do what he needs to do to get married there as I am catholic, however, he doesn't believe in it. The church is lovely and 3 mins from our house, it is 10 mins from my parents and brother, and a 1.5 hour drive for his side of the family. I'd then find a local restaurant we go to and do the same as above but it would workout slightly cheaper.

Option 1 is easy to do. We really don't want it to be seen as the big affair as we want our abroad wedding to be the thing we all celebrate.

What makes more sense?

just have one wedding? and it's would no travel abroad to a wedding party only. just have the full shebang here esp with Covid and the ongoing restrictions.

I’m a bit confused about the two weddings. If your celebration is overseas, you just literally need to do the paperwork here with two witnesses. If you turn it into a celebration, that’s your wedding?

Option 1.

Your husband shouldn't have to make vows to a god he doesn't believe in.

I'm also a bit confused about the wedding thing. How many people will come to registry office, probably at least half of all the guests?!

1

Option 1

If you took Catholicism in anyway seriously, you wouldn't have option 1, but only 2. And your main event would be the religious ceremony home, not the party abroad.

As such, I don't see the point of subjecting your DP to a ceremony in a religion that you don't actually follow.

I also agree that you don't have to drag 30 people to your honeymoon, effectively.

I'm sure they'll be happy with a free holiday, but what is your motivation?

What date is the abroad trip? I'd possibly rethink as I certainly wouldn't be able to attend incase there was any potential quarantine imposed while I was away and couldn't return to work.

I find it always odd when people who are not religious want to get married in church. I get that your DP is Catholic but what is the point of tying the knot in front of God with a non-believer. It's just cringeworthy.

The only wedding I have been to abroad where they didn’t actually get married there, the bride and groom got married in the U.K. just the two of them.

It does seem odd to incite people to both especially when it’s 30 people at the second one rather than a big wedding.

Having said that, the only weddings I have been to abroad, either the bride or groom was from that area.

I would still come on the free holiday but if you do option 2 that is your only wedding. The latter church wedding would just be odd as you're already married

Option 1 it is!

My parents will be super angry if she isn't there and if my parents go, in laws will be annoyed if not invited. All are expecting two weddings!

@MaskingForIt incorrect when the name of the place is literally "Registry Office"

@nanbread there would be 7

Lots of unnecessary dealings in the two weddings.

We would need to have two ceremonies abroad, but we didn't want to force family there for the legalities so decided to do it in the UK. Only immediate family invited (they actually all invited themselves).

This could be seen as a rehearsal dinner after as the families don't often meet.

The abroad wedding is something we want and that's all that should matter. If people don't want to go we won't be offended. But we are going. The church cannot legally marry us abroad due to our citizenship so it is a ceremony. It will look and feel like a wedding and would be the date we celebrate.

Only immediate family invited (they actually all invited themselves).

My parents will be super angry if she isn't there and if my parents go, in laws will be annoyed if not invited. All are expecting two weddings!

I'd be explaining that you are considering your abroad wedding as your wedding, and therefore you'll be getting married legally here without guests, and then getting married abroad with them.

The abroad wedding is something we want and that's all that should matter.

That would align with your view above, that you want to get married abroad, and it makes sure that the wedding abroad is the one that people want to attend, and that people consider to be your wedding.

Doing it any other way means you have no control in how people interpret it, and you run into all the "two wedding" issues.

It is very odd to have 2 weddings, and will make the wedding abroad seem like a fake wedding, as people were there for the actual wedding weeks earlier.

If you want your abroad wedding to be viewed by yourself and others as your proper wedding day, then you do a legal process here just the two of you, so that you can be married abroad.

Option 1. It's no easy to get married in a catholic church when you're not catholic....Bible study classes, meetings with priest etc

We had a legal wedding and a spiritual wedding/celebration in separate places months apart from one another, So that isn’t a big deal from my perspective. We celebrate the spiritual family celebration as our anniversary. The legal one we always have to look up the date for paperwork because we never remember it.

I would have the local wedding at the registry office. I’ve sat through many catholic weddings. The ceremony is different. Important parts of the catholic faith and culture are included throughout. I wouldn’t choose a catholic wedding if both parties were not believers. I don’t mean that out of respect for the religion, I mean it out of respect for the bride and groom. You can’t commit yourself to someone in a ceremony riddled with things you don’t believe in.

I just have to say it. Planning a wedding abroad is crazy. You can’t discount Covid, you just can’t. You are setting yourself up for disappointment.

incorrect when the name of the place is literally "Registry Office"

No, people refer to it as that, but it’s actually a register office or registration office, as @MaskingForIt said.

I used to work with registrars.

My money is on Maui

Is it Islington town hall? That seems to be the most popular of all the town halls for weddings.

I’d go option 2 just as I love a church wedding.

Strange that you are uninviting guests to your UK wedding 'cos of coronavirus' then having nteo weddings, one abroad.

It all seems rather strange. If you want to get married abroad then a quick UK registration office without guests is sufficient.

It is definitely Register Office, I work in one.

If you marry in the register office that is your legal marriage, it is that certificate that you will need to prove you are married at any point. You might not consider it your “real” wedding, but it is.

[quote weddingstressincovid]@MaskingForIt incorrect when the name of the place is literally "Registry Office"[/quote]
Incorrect. It is literally called “Register Office”. Read the sign when you go.

There is no such thing as a “registry office”.

Islington and City of London Register Office www.islington.gov.uk/birth-death-marriage-and-citizenship/where-we-are-and-how-to-contact-us

Newcastle Register Office www.newcastle.gov.uk/services/births-deaths-and-marriages/newcastle-registration-service/contact-register-office