Daughter in sex shop shocker

[TabithaLu]

Asking for a friend without an account, genuinely. So, said friend’s eighteen year old daughter has posted a photo on Instagram of her and a pal horsing about in a Soho sex shop with all the paraphernalia that you might expect in the background. Daughter has left school and is about to leave for university. She’s essentially an adult. Friend is upset about this. Said friend, incidentally, worked in a shop that sold sex toys when she was a teenager and has conceived four children since then so presumably knows about the merits of sex. I haven’t asked whether she has been in a sex shop to purchase any sex toys herself as now is not the time as she is giving out with her Mary Whitehouse routine. Friend is 38.
Quotes on the subject matter include “I am very very unhappy about this” and “what is she doing in a sex shop” “[she] should be spending her days doing nice wholesome walks on the beach]”.
Please join me in telling her that she is BU and to get a grip.

You see to you it’s not unreasonable, you’ll not change the mum mind
Many folk have an umm lively youth only to become all proper as a parent
I can’t see the harm in it,but no I’d not be queuing up to tell her she is wrong

Probably embarrassed at the possibility of bumping into her daughter next time she, the mum, goes shopping for her bondage gear

I worked in a shop that sold sex toys in my early twenties, and my workmates were mostly part time and in their first year at uni.
None of us had kids. I still don't.

And I completely got mixed up reading the OP and thought the daughter's friend from the photo worked in a sexshop and was being judged for that by the mother.

I need an early night

Your friend is being unreasonable

Every teenager walking through soho ever has been in a sex shop. For the laughs. End of.

Dunno? It’s just provocative isn’t it? I’m sure she did similar things in her youth. This isn’t any different than people posting photos in the sex museum in Amsterdam

Also pretty much every uni student has sex toys or sex related “stuff”. 18 year olds definitely aren’t innocent - and it’s the students that are raised in these sorts of strict environments that go wild at halls

My light-hearted response: your friend needs to chill out, she's old enough to have sex and if she wants to laugh at (or buy) vibrators then it's fine - nobody can be wholesomely skipping down beaches and knitting 24 hours a day!

My more serious response: what exactly does your friend find about a young woman exploring her sexuality (if that's what she's doing, and not just being curious/finding it funny) find so disturbing and has she considered why she is so unwilling to consider her daughter has agency and a sexuality of her own, and how damaging it could be to her daughter to express this puritan disgust to her?

1. It’s always a bit of a shock when we learn of our children, or parents, having or being interested in sex. (Or certain friends!)

1. At 18 most, if not all of us, were either having or thinking about sex.

3.We loose control of our children, bit by bit, once they start in reception.

Tell your friend that it's better her daughter has a vibrator than sleeping with random men all the time. Having sex with yourself is the safest sex you can have. A vibrator is healthy, your friend shouldn't shame her daughter, she will push her away.

I'd have no problem with my daughters (or sons) going into a sex shop and horsing around. I was a bit of a right of passage when I was a teen. I would think it possibly unwise to post photos of it on Facebook (depending on what the photos actually looked like) given the way social media history can scupper career plans well in the future. But not in a Mary Whitehouse way, so I tend to think YANBU OP.

I can remember cavorting round a sex shop with a colleague on our way to the station to go home. We were young. We had a giggle.

Your friend's attitude is over the top but she'll get over it. Not for you to get involved though.

I thought all teenagers did this - even the ones who don't intend to buy anything go in to mess around and be silly.

Not a big deal.

Are there any seedy sex shops left in Soho? I think they are all bland brands that you can find on high streets all over the country, like Ann Summers and Harmony, and a few high end boutique type places even if they are selling puppy costumes and ball gags. I once found myself gazing in the window at a rather lovely green evening dress that had caught my eye in a boutique next to my dentist, before realising it was made from rubber and the shop was a fetish shop. Selfridges sell sex toys so it's all pretty mainstream nowadays. The only blacked out window with a sex shop sign I can think of in Soho is actually a restaurant. It's hardly shocking.

That said, I would question the wisdom of posing with sex toys and posting it on Instagram. Social media always has the potential to come back and bite you.

How I wish I could look back on my youth as a time when I had lots of laughs like this - I was prematurely middle aged at 18! Whilst I certainly wouldn’t mind horsing around in a sex shop with my mates, at 50+ you get funny looks

It’s not the being in the shop that’s necessarily an issue, but I do think it’s unwise to post those kinds of pictures on social media, where parents / lecturers / future employers can see them. Once it’s on the net it’s there forever, with the potential to embarrass you.

She's 18 for goodness sake! - what's the problem?

Sex shop = so what.

I’d be much more concerned about social media super-naivety.

This is a bit muddled. So friend once worked in a sex shop and is now respectable. Daughter cavorted round a sex shop and posted photos. Nothing to be proud of for either of them.

Asking for a friend without an account, genuinely.

Good one !

Posting it on social media is the only issue I can see. She may come to regret doing that.

Thread title sounds like a daily mail headline. Was hoping for a “Mum with sadface while holding a dildo” photo.

I can't walk past a sex shop abroad and not go inside. They are always funny and I have never been disappointed with the offerings. The best one was in Luxembourg. They had a dirty cinema in the basement which had just finished when we were in the shop. All these shamed looking blokes went shuffling out, head down. Oh how we laughed!

For me, this would not be anything to do with 'thinking about sex', it's just for the laugh with your mates.

@ColdTattyWaitingForSummer

It’s not the being in the shop that’s necessarily an issue, but I do think it’s unwise to post those kinds of pictures on social media, where parents / lecturers / future employers can see them. Once it’s on the net it’s there forever, with the potential to embarrass you.

I disagree.

I’m in my early 20s and have recently graduated. Pretty much everyone I know in this stage of life has now cleansed their social media of pics from before 2016-17 (even though we were all heavily active at the time), and have gone on private, locking down all social media. If you googled the average graduate, you wouldn’t find their deleted Instagram posts, so future (“proper” job) employers are a non-issue. Only if they were famous would deleted content be online forever.

Lecturers generally don’t have students on social media. Not all parents are hyper critical of what their 18 year olds post on socials. In fact some don’t even follow them on socials.

“what is she doing in a sex shop” “[she] should be spending her days doing nice wholesome walks on the beach]”.
That sounds totally tongue-in-cheek to me, especially as the mother worked in a similar shop. Perhaps she did not mean it to be taken seriously.