AIBU to want DCs to just go to bed

[Hurricane74]

Parents with older children particularly, at what age did you stop trying to get your kids to bed before you? My two eldest DCs (10 and 8) are increasingly wanting to stay up later and later. I find that I really want to have at least an hour to myself or with DH on our own and quite honestly really look forward to it. Maybe it’s the intensity of having had the kids at home for months, etc. Tonight sending them up to bed at 8.30 they gave me a massive guilt trip and I am now wondering AIbu to send them to bed In decent time when they don’t have school for a few more days or is it normal to need time alone in the evenings? Are they just trying it on?

Mine are 9 and 12...I totally understand where you're coming from. I have spent every day for nearly six months with them without a break. All I ask is a couple of hours in the evening to eat dinner with dh and watch tv in peace. My youngest doesn't like staying up late but my eldest would stay up all night if we let him. He's sent up at 9pm...he is allowed to read to quietly. I'm hoping once schools go back and the evening's get darker he will want to go up earlier.

Mine are 8 & 10, both in bed for 8.30. I need my space in the evening.

Really reassuring it’s not just me. They know how to make me feel bad!!

My DS is 7 and I send him up at 8pm but he watches a film before sleep, that will have to stop or move to 7pm when school starts again though! Don't feel guilty about needing a couple of hours to yourself on the night, I find it makes me much more irritable if I don't get that couple of hours alone!

Dd9 was horrified when I told her to get ready for bed and read her book at 8.30pm. I just need some quiet in the evening for once. She's usually up until 9.30pm chattering away. Plus it's back to school soon and earlier starts will mean earlier nights. It's good to make the change to their body clock slowly.

At 10 & 8 mine were in bed by 8 and 9 respectively. Now they are 16 & 14 and not so much. The 16 year old regularly goes to bed after us, but spends a lot of that time in his room either working for A levels or reading/watching shit on his phone. He also works in a lorca L restaurant until midnight twice a week.

It keeps changing OP - soon enough they won't want to spend much time with you at all.

Oh and according to my 12 year old, his best mate who is also 12 is allowed to go to bed at anytime between 3am and 8am.

I think DS was about 12 when he was pushing to be up until the same time as me. Like you, I also really needed my time in the evenings. Now he's 13, I barely see him and I love it when he comes downstairs in the evening. Oh how things change...

That switch was one of the hardest parenting adjustments I found. Now they are 12 &15 I don't see much of them so I still get my downtime

10 and 7 here and I get it too. Don't feel bad OP!

Find it hard enough having my teenager up late, I really need the younger two in bed by 8:30 so I can wind down a bit and ideally I'd get them in bed even earlier if I could. I wouldn't mind during the holidays if they slept in a bit (like, you know, till half seven, or something) but no, 6:45am and bam, they're up, little buggers.

I kind of miss the days when they were all in bed for 7!

Mine are 7, 11 & 13, youngest goes to bed at 7.30 and the other two go up at 9.00, they don’t have to go to sleep then especially if it’s not a week night but up the go. To be fair the older two spend more time in each other’s bedroom than the do downstairs anyway so it’s quite nice to get a visit 😂

My 9 year old has to go to sleep at 10-10.30 but goes up to her room between 7.30-8.30 and watches a film/reads etc... she doesn’t have to sleep at that time.

It will go back down to 9pm when school starts again and up to bed by 7.

9&7 and send them at 8. Eldest reads for up to an hour.. sometimes longer.

Mine are younger. I let them stay up later in the school holidays. They are quite good about going up to their room and entertaining themselves for a while in the evening.

Send them to bed! But tell them they can stay up an extra hour reading or playing with toys. Just say it's no screens including telly for at least an hour before bedtime. I also think it won't kill them to hear that you want to have some grownup time with daddy. Don't give in to the blackmail!!'

Ours are 12 and 14. It’s only since lockdown that they are both staying up until we make them go to bed at the same time as us.
I’m hoping that the youngest will start going earlier once he’s back to school, and therefore regularly getting up earlier. I’ve given up hoping that ds1 will go to bed early now.
I definitely miss having child free evenings.

DS is 8 and is in bed for 8pm. If he’s struggling to sleep he can read quietly in bed. He’s an early riser and almost always awake before me so I need some child free time in the evening!

I've been wondering what to do about this. My eldest is almost 6 and goes to bed at 8 / slightly after. She's had a lot of sleep issues, any earlier and she's up in the night. If I have to put this later in a year or 2 what the heck do we do, I won't be able to watch any adult telly, ever if I've got a 7yo up until 9pm!

Mine are 15 and 13 - no evening at all here 😳

No you are NOT being unreasonable! I'm on my knees because my two sleep late and consequently are up all hours. 14 and 11! Roll on school and earl starts!