WIBU to ask about racism

[treaclepumpkin]

My son is starting a new nursery tomorrow, the plan being that he will then continue on into reception of the school it is attached to next year. In case relevant, it is an independent school.

I was just reading through various school policies and noted that for PSHE, they teach about gender diversity and bullying etc at age 6-7, homophobic bullying at 7-8 and racism is dealt with, not even at 8-9, but age 9-10.

To me it feels like racism should be dealt with earlier than that, considering (unfortunately) the fact that kids seem to know how to be racist (thanks to their parents) a lot earlier than they would even understand the perceived issues same sex relationships. It's of course been a long time since I was a primary aged kid, but I definitely remember differences down to skin tone being called out (offensively) waaay earlier than people ever started making homophobic "jokes"

Would I be unreasonable to raise this with the school? Not saying that sexism and homophobia shouldn't be addressed at all, just that racism likely should be dealt with earlier/alongside these things.

I don't want to get off to a bad start with the school, but especially considering the current climate and the increase there has been in hate crimes, I wonder if this is the best way to go about this.

Though, in an ideal world, we wouldn't need to be teaching kids about any of this stuff, as it should be natural to be kind and respectful of others who may be different from you, or at least something that is learnt at home...

Interesting! I didn't know this. I think you're absolutely right but I don't imagine they will listen or have any control over it even.

Im not sure that the best way to cement good relations with your childs school is to contact them and critise their teaching plan?

If its an independent school you have chosen it so do you think they have a problem with racism? are you concerned that racism wont be dealt with or do you think that your child should be getting guidance sooner.

If i was concerned that my childs school may be lukewarm on dealing with racism i think id be looking at alternate schools rather than writing to them> would that be an option?
If its not a concern and you are just surprised its not within formal teaching until later than you expected but you're happy that the school is inclusive and reasonable, maybe trust their practices?

I'm not sure personally, DS1 is 4 and sometimes comes out with "girls do this, boys do that" type comments...he rarely mentions colour/ethnicity (he's mixed race in a not that multicultural area).
We accidentally ended up near a BLM protest the other day and it was clear he'd never heard of racism.

I guess it depends where you live.

@Pagwatch Yes, we chose the school in part because we felt as comfortable as one can (about a place we haven't actually experienced) that racism would not be something tolerated at the school and cricket withdrew from another due to reports of issues with racism not being taken seriously.

My concern comes with the fact that apparently, from this September, the government has changed the requirements for how this subject is taught, so it's not clear to me how this affects what is being taught and when. I don't know what is "normal" and my aim is less to criticise, but to question and also make suggestions, if it doesn't feel like they are on the right path on this one.

Racism is something I have experienced far too often in my life. I want to make sure I'm doing all I can to protect my kids, though I know it is only a matter of time before they will have to face it too.

That's not really anything to do with your school issue Just me pondering what kids notice younger - sex or ethnicity.

Your the Parent, do your job and teach your child yourself. Moaning to your child's school isn't going to change their curriculum!!

Tbh I would expect them to be a bit older for talks on racism as it is very important and they need to soak up the information and retain it for life. I would assume the bullying will also touch on it without going into the history which will be better understood by 11/12 year olds than 7/8 year olds.

Sorry 9-10 year olds! Bloody mind went there.

@Camomila You are right though, I do think they notice gender before race. My son is now more aware (at almost 4), but until fairly recently, if you'd ask him what colour someone was, he would automatically refer to the colour of their clothing, rather than their face, which always made me smile inside - at the innocence and true colour blindness of his response. But that doesn't last for long.

I mentioned the gender but more for context, but I do think racism is likely to be more of a concern than homophobia at that age. But honestly, I don't actually know.

I guess regardless of what the school teaches anyway, someone brought up to be racist will remain that way regardless, so it's not like the teaching actually changes anything anyway. I guess more of my concern should be how they deal with these issues on a day-to-day basis.

Hopefully, I won't have any cause to find out...

I would hope that some aspects of teaching about racism would come up in the bullying section aged 6-7. I mean, surely it has to! Perhaps some more complex aspects or historical context is then taught to older years.

When in nursery, my child was excluded from a game by some children “because you have brown skin”. So definitely in my view it should be discussed at a young age at an appropriate level.

@nicky7654 Yeah, I am teaching my child. I have to. We don't have a choice in the matter. I am doing all I can to equip him as best as I can for the life he will face as he grows up as a black male child in this country.

@Igotthemheavyboobs to be honest, all of this stuff feels heavy for such young children. But if they are starting to teach about homophobia at 7, then surely it's not too early for teaching about other forms of discrimination? Which is my main question as far as the school is concerned.

Sure. I understand that its important and if its a key part of what you expect from the school then Im not suggesting for a moment that you ignore it.
But the reality is that what you have seen of the school has led you to place your child with them, presumably as confident as is possible that their ethos, the staff, the pupils, the ethics of the school meet your needs.
Going into a new school at the start of a school year in the middle of a pandemic to tell them that you are concerned that the govt may lead them to handle this badly is just going to be a difficult sell/

Im just suggesting that this is something that might wait until there is a parents evening or an evening session on the next terms targets etc
At that point you will know some parents and teachers and have seen the school in operation.
My daughters school dealt with kindness, the enviroment, different cultures, racism, name calling, bullying etc etc every week in themed assemblies from nursery onwards. if the school is robust it will. be an ongoing process not dependent on the formal teaching

My DC has known about homophobia from about 7-8 but then he also knew about racism so I do think you have a point. I'm surprised it's not addressed earlier. I wonder if there's a reason for that. (Is it perhaps that younger children are naturally blind to race? - NO idea if that's the case just a random guess).

@BudgieHammockBananaSmuggler I'm so sorry your child had to experience that, especially so young. It's just horrible and so unnecessary. Children aren't born with hate in their hearts, it's definitely a case of nurture over nature. Makes me so sad.

@Pagwatch thank you. I think you are right. It's not a day 1 issue. My biggest concern is more about him just getting settled into a new environment generally. He is very sad about leaving his old nursery.

I won't raise it for now, just something to bear in mind for the future. And to address, if I have to, if/when the time comes.

[quote treaclepumpkin]@Igotthemheavyboobs to be honest, all of this stuff feels heavy for such young children. But if they are starting to teach about homophobia at 7, then surely it's not too early for teaching about other forms of discrimination? Which is my main question as far as the school is concerned.[/quote]
I actually do think it is too early to teach about discrimination. I think just a anti bullying class without pointing out specific differences would have been better.

no problem - i do understand.
its stressful enough starting at a school without having an extra protective hackle raised. i think a little time will help you feel comfortable in terms of who and how to reach to for reassurance and clarity that this will be a priority. its your boy.

I don't think it would do any harm to discuss it with the school. It may be that racism is taught academically, addressing the historical aspects etc, in PSHE but is dealt with on a pastoral level much earlier.

I'd say the divide between sexes is the earliest discriminator for children. "You can't play football because you're a girl." "You can't wear a tutu because you're a boy".

Younger children do see colour but don't seem to judge on it. "You can't play football because you have brown skin" isn't something I've heard before in the playground. However, I think race discrimination does seem to develop from about 11 years onwards.

Also, by not teaching about racism earlier makes the lesson more effective.

For example, when a child has been in school and has a mixture of friends, they learn from experience. They understand that who they like and enjoy playing with has nothing whatsoever to do with skin colour so, when discovering racism as a concept, they can see the absolute stupidity of it themselves. It becomes lived lesson rather than book learning that has little meaning.

My kids' primary school just emphasised embracing all differences and being kind to everyone, very anti bullying of all types. So, rather than labelling people with protected characteristics, it was just never acceptable to emphasise differences. This was a very racially and socially diverse inner city school with a large autistic contingent.
I think that's a better approach than deciding which order your children should learn their 'isms' in.