DS’s friends BO

AnxMummy10 · 01/09/2020 15:21

This isnt your business! Please dont embarrass the boy. How does this affect you? I cant believe you would even think you have the right to do this!

LonelyFromCorona · 01/09/2020 15:27

I am a 12 year old boy

AIBU to ask my friends mum (age 40+) to wash and use deodorant? No idea if she does but she doesn’t half whiff.

His Dad is the same. Lovely people mind just quite ‘earthy’.

Any suggestions on how to word it so as not to cause offence?

Farlow · 01/09/2020 15:30

This surely can’t be real. I can’t comprehend how you can even begin to think that would be appropriate

Iwantafuckingbreak · 01/09/2020 15:32

I'm not sure how to word it but I think you should tell him.

Yes its embarrassing but I would rather tell him in a nice way than have someone be horrible to him about it later down the line!

Dugsbollox · 01/09/2020 15:32

Don't be a dick.

Florencex · 01/09/2020 15:33

There is no way to word that to not cause offence. He will either work it out for himself, or if it is an issue it is for his parents, other adult relatives, possibly even a trusted teacher to offer some advice.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 01/09/2020 15:37

DS whiffs. He has autism and struggles with self-care, it's something me and his dad have been working really, really hard on. If you told him he smelled, he would never visit your house again. Lots of teens smell, there are lots of reasons for it. It's not for you to point out his failings unless he asks for help.

Original poster

Campalumpa · 01/09/2020 15:37

It affects me as he is at our house a lot. It doesn’t bother his parents. It is bad.

OP posts:

WeAllHaveWings · 01/09/2020 15:39

It is not quite that simple, you have no idea what is happening in that child's home, he might already know and not be able to do anything about it because his parents tell him he doesn't need to shower daily/won't provide deodorant/his hygiene is neglected. Why would you want him to feel like shit.

Just keep your distance/hold your breath as necessary.

Original poster

Campalumpa · 01/09/2020 15:43

Thanks for the advice. I will keep quiet and hold my breath - it was DPs suggestion to ask the Mumsnet massive for their view.

OP posts:

lurker69 · 01/09/2020 15:51

yeah it's fine if its your own i quite often say to mine 'cor you stink get a shower' but I don't think it will go over to well with others!

Chickenwing · 01/09/2020 16:05

I would gift him a lynx set at xmas!

EveryDayIsADuvetDay · 01/09/2020 16:09

ewww - lynx set

he'd probably spray it on top, so you'd get the yukky BO withe overtones of Lynx whiff.

WellIWasInTheNeighbourhoo · 01/09/2020 16:23

Perhaps while he's over and they are both in the bedroom, you could pop your head around to give them a nice snack, and say something like oh its very boy smelling in here - DS did you put your deodorant on today? And suggest he does, and offer a new one to the friend to keep. I think I could do it in a jokey nice way that my autistic son would laugh about (cause I do harass him about it anyway), especially I distracted and sweetened the deal with chocolate or haribos.

It is difficult and I do think some parents are a bit neglectful in this area. Boys start to smell of BO quite young, younger than you would think. It really is in his best interest that he is aware of it and manages it - kids at school will be much less kind. Obviously you dont want anyone to get upset, but if he is at your house a lot and you have a good relationship and its not directed at him but both of them, it might be manageable.

disorganisedsecretsquirrel · 01/09/2020 18:27

^ This ... excellent post my a rational person ..

HappySonHappyMum · 01/09/2020 18:34

My friend used to ask her sons whiffy friend over regularly for sleepovers and shove him in the shower before he got ready for bed. Did you forget your toiletries? Here's some deodorant, you can keep it I've got plenty…

HappySonHappyMum · 01/09/2020 18:35

Or of course you could tell son and friend that they both stink and they need to up their game. That way you're not singling the friend out!

AIMD · 01/09/2020 18:43

I wouldn’t mention it directly to him, even in the most kind way....comment like that stay with people and can be long lasting insecurities.

I’m sure a peer will mention it to him sooner or later anyway if it’s that bad.

If you must do something maybe just do something like let him know he can use you shower if he wants when he stays and let him know where the toiletries are he can use at yours etc.

thatplaceinjordan · 01/09/2020 18:51

I'd go with the suggestion of visiting the room they are lurking in and opening all the windows while making noises about teenage funk.
Making noises about showering and using toiletries etc. That will depend on your son and how he will react to that.
You could ask you son what he thinks?

ChesterDrawsDoesntExist · 01/09/2020 19:26

@WellIWasInTheNeighbourhoo

Perhaps while he's over and they are both in the bedroom, you could pop your head around to give them a nice snack, and say something like oh its very boy smelling in here - DS did you put your deodorant on today? And suggest he does, and offer a new one to the friend to keep. I think I could do it in a jokey nice way that my autistic son would laugh about (cause I do harass him about it anyway), especially I distracted and sweetened the deal with chocolate or haribos.

It is difficult and I do think some parents are a bit neglectful in this area. Boys start to smell of BO quite young, younger than you would think. It really is in his best interest that he is aware of it and manages it - kids at school will be much less kind. Obviously you dont want anyone to get upset, but if he is at your house a lot and you have a good relationship and its not directed at him but both of them, it might be manageable.

^^this.

DD has a friend who is on the whiffy side of things some days. We live in a flat and you can sometimes smell them from in the living room. It's very unpleasant. I usually poke my head round the bedroom door and say, "Oooft! It stinks in here! DD, her that window open, love!"
It's not something I could say directly to a child but I do talk to DD and ask that she suggest they all have a shower each before they head off to bed on sleepovers.

I had to do it with an ex too. Dirty bugger must never have washed his clothes or god, his FEET! Boak! We were young and he looked like he took pride in his appearance but in reality he was a manky shit. He didn't last long. I'd send him off for a relaxing bubble bath and throw his stuff in the washer!

nosswith · 01/09/2020 19:45

You will cause offence. Though who is let in your house is your choice and the fear of Covid 19 is a reason not to have the friend in yours, given that more people are together in school now.

WeAllHaveWings · 01/09/2020 23:25

and say something like oh its very boy smelling in here - DS did you put your deodorant on today? And suggest he does, and offer a new one to the friend to keep. I think I could do it in a jokey nice way

The boy is 12 not stupid. He'll know exactly what is being said and will feel like shit. If op is really that concerned and wants to do something then have a grown up private conversation with the boys parents.