Moving a long distance away once DC go to university?

[MothAndRabbit]

We currently live in the SE - London suburbs really - but DH and I have long wanted to move to Scotland, most likely Glasgow. We are fed up with London and could have a much better quality of life there. DH is originally from Scotland and we have friends/family there although not all in Glasgow.

DS is due to head off to university next September (fingers crossed). Although it's obviously not a given he will get in, all of the unis he is currently applying to are in the north or in Scotland (Manchester being the most southerly).

However of course most of our family and all of ds's friends are still in the SE. Would it be unfair to move once he goes off to uni, given that in holidays etc he will be coming 'home' to a city he doesn't have much connection to (apart from us of course)? He likes Glasgow and has known for a long time that we would like to end up there, but is it selfish to go before he's older and more settled?

No its not selfish. Its time to start thinking about where you and your DH want to live. Your DS can visit his mates in the South at weekends and he might make some mates from Glasgow at uni so he can meet them when he is at home with you too.

Not selfish at all. Be prepared though that your ds may not come and stay for as long as you’d like him to in uni holidays. If he has a few months off in the summer, he’ll probably come and see you for a few days and then head down south and stay with grandparents so he can get a job in a place that he can also go out with friends. When he settles down, he will likely not do it in Scotland either if he has no connection to the place.

No he will be an adult and will adapt. He can travel to visit his friends and family during the holidays or come and see you. You can’t put your life on hold for the years he is at University too, then you will feel it’s not right to move while he is living at home and looking for a job/settling into a job/saving for house deposit...

Perfectly normal thing to do when children grow up.

@Beldon

No he will be an adult and will adapt. He can travel to visit his friends and family during the holidays or come and see you. You can’t put your life on hold for the years he is at University too, then you will feel it’s not right to move while he is living at home and looking for a job/settling into a job/saving for house deposit...

Yes it does feel as if there could never be a good time anyway, especially given that kids often stay living at home for so much longer these days.

It would be good to hear from posters who said they think IABU.

I shall be doing this and daughter although a little sad I’d be moving from her birth city understands

He's unlikely to be able to stay with his remaining grandparent for any length of time tbh. Plus they live in a small coastal town so a long way from friends etc. He could stay with mates or my DBro though I guess.

I'm probably overthinking it.

I think there has to be a point where we stop organising our own lives around our children. I’m at a similar stage. On the one hand, I remember the fun and familiarity I’d coming home to old school friends etc in university holidays (especially at Christmas); on the other hand, I used to clear off travelling in the summer, once I’d earned some money, so it would have made little difference where my parents lived.