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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Son having friend to have a sleepover at Dad's house

53 replies

JustineA · 01/09/2020 08:03

My 12 year old son attended a club last week where he spent the week with his two best friends. One of the evenings he was invited to his friend's house for tea and a sleepover. I declined due to the inability to maintain social distancing. The club my son attended was very stringent with social distancing, hand sanitisiting, toilet cleaning, etc.
My son spent the weekend with his Dad (we are divorced) and friend stayed for a sleepover. My son's Dad dropped friend back at his own house at the end of the sleepover, windows were up in the car and masks weren't worn. Son and friend slept in the same tiny bedroom.
I am upset at my son as he knew that this was against my wishes. Ex-husband says that it is completely within the guidelines. I don't think that it is. I know that my son can stay with his Dad but this is already two households, social distancing was not maintained in the house or the car. Additionally, this was completely unnecessary and I am livid at ex-husband. Ex-husband has already taken son to his mother's where other relatives came and he has taken him to his cousin's house (within the guidelines but I am still trying to limit contact wherever possible). Also I see the guidelines as an absolute minimum and that they aren't there to be pushed to the limits.
Am I being unreasonable or is ex-husband right? How would you feel?

OP posts:

PostedTooSoon · 01/09/2020 09:06

What a miserable life for not only us but our children too, we are no longer able to enjoy anything at all that isn't essential no matter how small the risk?

Best cancel the next club for your son as well OP as it's not essential.

justdontgothere · 01/09/2020 09:12

Sorry but agree YABU and a bit controlling. The problem we have is that the guidance has changed so many times and is so flimsy, and there has been so much scaremongering, that everyone has a different view on what is and is not OK.

My DS has had sleepovers this summer with his cousins, at grandparents etc, and is having one with a friend very soon. He was in the shielded category from March to June and I am pregnant, so could be considered at higher risk, but I'm not going to let myself or DS be frightened of living because of one virus, when the reality is there are many other risks out there along with covid.

The sleepover has happened now, your ex is allowed to parent as he sees fit and is comfortable with, so I think you need to let this one go.

CrotchetyQuaver · 01/09/2020 09:12

YABU
please, obtain your local area (eg district council) statistics for weekly new cases and deaths and the population size and then work out the death and infection rates per 100,000. decide for yourself how great the risk is. too many people have got The Fear and lost perspective.

LEELULUMPKIN · 01/09/2020 09:17

YABVU if he is going back to school you are totally over reacting.

Your Ex DH was completely in the right.

sirfredfredgeorge · 01/09/2020 09:21

I know that my son can stay with his Dad but this is already two households

Nope, that's one household, just like it's one household when he's with you.

There was no appreciable risk to anyone from COVID in what you described, but not doing it does risk your child's relationships with their friends and social development, although of course that is also very low.

YABU, your son and DH did nothing illegal, safe does not mean "doesn't catch covid", indeed we know your child is more safe from catching covid than they are from catching the flu.

EllaAlright · 01/09/2020 09:25

YABU.

Northernparent68 · 01/09/2020 09:55

Op, do you know only 0.01 percent of the population have Covid, and children are the lowest risk

Stompythedinosaur · 01/09/2020 10:45

I agree with you op - unless the dc were socially fistanced the whole time they were together (which seems very unlikely) then this was outside the guidelines and shouldn't have happened.

All the pps saying the "social distancing is over" are the reason we will end up with a second wave. Just stick to the rules ffs!

PostedTooSoon · 01/09/2020 10:59

So the two kids go to school together and don't socially distance whilst there...

Exactly what additional risk is having them over for a sleepover?

kierenthecommunity · 01/09/2020 11:19

All the pps saying the "social distancing is over" are the reason we will end up with a second wave. Just stick to the rules ffs!

But this has been said infinitely. May bank holiday crowded beaches, overcrowded NT properties, BLM marches, Leeds and Liverpool fan celebrations, pubs reopening...and it Hasn’t happened yet.

I can see why people are bucking against it tbh. And one child having a friend round is hardly going to cause a second wave

CodenameVillanelle · 01/09/2020 11:21

@Stompythedinosaur

I agree with you op - unless the dc were socially fistanced the whole time they were together (which seems very unlikely) then this was outside the guidelines and shouldn't have happened.

All the pps saying the "social distancing is over" are the reason we will end up with a second wave. Just stick to the rules ffs!

If ANYTHING we were doing so far was going to cause a second wave it would have happened by now. A second wave might happen as the weather gets colder for various reasons but kids having sleepovers isn't one of them.

bigchris · 01/09/2020 11:23

Sounds more like you have an axe to grind with your ex

You were fine with ds mingling for a week

OverTheRainbow88 · 01/09/2020 11:37

There’s a difference between them sitting 1m apart at school and sharing a small bed and breathing over each other for 12 years at night

OP- I also wouldn’t be happy about this.

PostedTooSoon · 01/09/2020 11:45

@OverTheRainbow88

There’s a difference between them sitting 1m apart at school and sharing a small bed and breathing over each other for 12 years at night

OP- I also wouldn’t be happy about this.

I think you're in for a shock if you think kids will be 1m apart at school at all times...

hammeringinmyhead · 01/09/2020 11:52

YABU. He'd already spent all that time with his friend, the second wave that was predicted in May, June, July and August didn't happen, and if you are going to use the rules to say this should not have happened then at least understand what constitutes a household. The first thing I would have done as a divorced parent was understand what we were allowed to do.

ILoveFood87 · 01/09/2020 12:09

YABU OP schools are back soon. Those kids will not be social distancing whatever the school tells you.

Toddlerteaplease · 01/09/2020 12:29

Your son is at higher risk when crossing the road. Than he is of getting Covid. You need to unclench a bit.

OverTheRainbow88 · 01/09/2020 12:41

YABU OP schools are back soon. Those kids will not be social distancing whatever the school tells you.

So because schools are back does that mean it’s ok to do whatever then? Fuck any guidelines because the kids are back... with that attitude they won’t be back for more than a month.

I think you're in for a shock if you think kids will be 1m apart at school at all times...

I’m not in for a shock... I teach in a school with 1700 kids . They will be 1m apart for most the time and they won’t be lying in a bed together

sirfredfredgeorge · 01/09/2020 13:39

and sharing a small bed

Just what do your 12 year olds do on sleepovers?

DazedWifelet · 01/09/2020 13:49

YABU

PostedTooSoon · 01/09/2020 14:23

Yeah... All 1700 kids will be staying 1m apart at all times... Course they will.

OverTheRainbow88 · 01/09/2020 17:27

@PostedTooSoon

Year 7 are in their own building being taught in their tutor group of 30ish with their teacher moving to them

Year 8-9 are on their own floors of a building with own staircases and also taught all subjects in groups of 30

Year 10 and 11 have their own floor each as well, slightly bigger bubbles as are doing GCSE choices

6th form has its own building.

Staggered starts and finishes so yes it’s organised pretty well.

EdersonsSmileyTattoo · 01/09/2020 17:32

I agree with PP’s, YABU.

iklboo · 01/09/2020 17:38

Make like Elsa.

Wakemeupwhenthisisover · 01/09/2020 17:40

Are you vulnerable? There was a higher risk of them being in a car accident than death by Covid, for kids anyway. Isn’t this what the chief medical officer said?

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