To want to try and breastfeed again?

[sadboobies]

Have a formula fed now 3 month old baby. Traumatic early induction at 37 weeks which took days, was (I now realise) pressured into adding formula at 5 days and then ended up giving up at 2 weeks because I didn't think I would ever have a supply.
Now I think I probably could have built one up if I'd given my body a chance. Full of lots of guilt.

Which influences my thinking... today I discovered that despite no feeding or anything for 10 weeks I can still get some drops from breasts by hand- would I be mad to rent a pump and try relactation?

DH is dead set against it as he thinks it will just upset and stress me (I have had a bit of PND, a lot of which focuses on my feeding guilt) and we've just got her settled into a routine. Plus we have no money.

AIBU to try it or should I just accept my lot and move forward with my FF baby?

It’s a hard call. The most important thing is your mental health so it depends how you would feel if it didn’t work out.

Also bear in mind that baby might not take the breast so you may have to express and bottle feed.

You gave your baby colostrum in the first two weeks, which is the most important bit.

I’m generally very pro breastfeeding but if it could trigger pnd then I would think very carefully before trying. You would be very sleep deprived from all the pumping and your hormones would change too. Although breast is best for a whole population, it is only a tiny difference for each baby. Much more important is a happy connected mother.

Wishing you all the best in your decision.

OP I’m sorry to hear this happened and you feel this way

This is such a hugely personal decision. Like the PP, I’m all for breastfeeding too but this is a mammoth ask of yourself. I’m not even sure exactly how much hard work could be involved in this or how possible it even is.
All I would say is be completely sure of why you want to go down this road. If it is a guilt thing, in the nicest possible way, I wouldn’t put yourself through it. If it doesn’t work out, you may end up feeling worse and all that hard work will be for nothing.
Feeding your baby is such a tiny little part of parenting - you sound like a wonderful mum and what your baby needs is for you to be happy and provide lots of love and comfort- which I’m sure you already do.

As I say, it is your choice but in your shoes, I probably would try and move past this and stick with formula for now. And let me confess that when my DS was younger, I was a passionate breastfeeder so that doesn’t come lightly from me.

Be kind to yourself and enjoy your baby

I think you need to do what is best for your emotional state at this point. Would you feel worse if you tried but didn't succeed? Or would trying (regardless of success or not) help you feel better?

I don't think you should feel remotely guilty for using formula or sticking with it now.

If you positively WANT to try I'd advise joining your local LLL (La Leche League) Facebook group and asking for advice on relactation. My suspicion is you'd so better with baby at the breast initially giving formula using a supplementary nursing system (so they get milk from a tube running down to your nipple, so they then suckle and stimulate your supply) rather than pumping.

Hi OP. Its worth a try.
I wouldnt bother with the machine. Just put baby on the breast as often as possible. Spend a day or two skin to skin in bed. Just lay him next to you and let him latch on all day whenever he wants
Eat foods that help with lactation, like oats. See how you get on.
Baby's sucking and closeness is most effective for stimulating milk production.
Give yourself a week and see if it is happening or not. And no guilt if not. Baby is well fed, whatever and no child will ever thank its mum for breast feeding.
I was heart broken after giving up bf my DS, so I think its worth a try. I have successfully bf my DD for 2 years and it has been wonderful. It was hard at first but so much easier than ff in the long run

OP, out of interest have you tried just putting your baby to breast to see if they will latch on and suckle for comfort??
If they do, this could potentially stimulate supply without the need for a pump? If baby won’t latch, then there is your answer. She is happy as she is. If she will, she is getting the comfort from nursing but still might get things going??

Don’t take my word though, I’m not an expert and was just a thought of a perhaps easier ‘let’s see what happens’ route

I'm no expert, but your baby will surely not be able to feed from you, it's a very different sucking technique vs a bottle. So are you taking about pumping and feeding? I did this for 6 months with my first. It was very time consuming and stressful, I pumped on motorway (passenger!), parks, zoo, weddings, you name it. Looking back I resent the pressure that is put on woman to breastfeed. For us we tried and it didn't work despite much support, but the guilt made me pump and it affected the bond with my baby as I spent so much time attached to a machine. I suspect you will not get enough milk and it won't work, so I would try to get to bottom of why you want to do this. Imo, breast is ideal, but fed is best. You are doing a fab job as you are, enjoy your baby x

If I was you in your situation, no I wouldnt relactate. Breast feeding can be incredibly tough. I think you would be risking your mental health if it didnt go successful. It's hard to retrain latch, I had to do it with baby number 3 after he ended up with incorrect latch even though he was bf from birth.

I would say you could try it. how about trying to express to get your surply up and put baby to breast before every feed. It may not work but it is possible and worth a try.

You may be able to build up supply, but you may also need to help your baby unlearn bottle feeding and feed from the breast again.

I had a really good supply, but my baby couldn't (tongue tie) and then wouldn't (bottle preference) breastfeed from about 4 months. I did manage to exclusively pump till he was just shy of a year. If you have the time and inclination to look into it, I found that quite good and we enjoyed it in the end. You need a really good pump and not to have many other dcs to care for imo. But it is another option.

Don't try to pump, love. That way madness lies. I had a 34 weeker, I completely get you but pumping can break the most fragile MH. Don't do that to yourself.

My advice is to keep ff him but put him to the breast whenever you want to. Hold him and love him and let him suckle for comfort even if his latch is a mess, it doesn't matter. He might absolutely love it and removing the pressure could be a godsend. Treasure these times and do whatever you can to not pressure yourself or him.

Don't worry about where it leads, just be close to him, it's all he wants and needs. You don't have anything to prove to anyone xx

Wow thank you so much - I got a bit teary at these replies as they weren't what i expected.
I think it is more a guilt thing than anything and I am worried about how it would affect my very fragile mental health if I put the effort in and failed to relactate.

I think I probably just need to be grateful as you said that she got the colostrum and focus on doing what I can for her in terms of other beneficial things like skin to skin and interaction and a healthy diet at weaning.

I think I'll always be a bit sad about it but I think I probably need to accept that it's too much of a risk to my mental health to start pumping at all hours etc when I've just started getting a tiny bit more rest!

It is quite hard going, the pumping thing. I had to pump and breastfeed and top up with formula with dc1 and it was one of the worst experiences of my life. 'Just' pumping with dc2 was easier for me, but it definitely wouldn't be the right choice for everyone.

I think rvby's advice is good.

I wanted to do this. Take a step back and breathe. A fed baby is a happy baby.

I too had pnd and thought if I got back feeding it would be ok. It wasnt ever going to fix me. Focus on getting better, stop putting pressure on yourself, enjoy your happy baby.
No one tells you how hard its going to be and its a horrible shock. Be gentle with yourself.
You are doing the best you can, feeding her organic, hand mashed veg that you steamed with your own breath at weaning time won't change things. Enjoy her now, worry about weaning when its time.
And sleep, the more sleep and rest you get to help you get back to you the better.

Hope im not too harsh. I just wish someone would have shook me at this point and said cop on!!!

Hi OP,

I have a very similar story myself. Twins were born at 37 weeks, all just delighted we got so far with two, colostrum came in right away, milk soon after. I was so, so determined to breastfeed. Sadly we had feeding issues that weren’t spotted by anyone (I’m a FTM) and the short story is we all ended up in hospital when they were 5 day’s old as my boys were such bad feeders (and issues on my own part, so determined to BF them both I just wasn’t noticing they weren’t having enough each) that they became severely dehydrated. I was encouraged to use formula top ups while we were in hospital and the whole ordeal shook me so much I pretty much stopped BFing there and then and they went on to formula. I became very ill with PND with the guilt from it all.

Some days, particularly across the recent breastfeeding week, I feel really sad that it didn’t work out for me. I struggled to have children so won’t have another shot. However - the boys are absolutely thriving, they are 7 months old now and just wonderful. Very happy, healthy babies. I now look back and realise I did what was right for them and me at that time; using formula helped my mental health enormously as I could track how much they were feeding after quite a traumatic experience, we quite quickly developed a nice feeding routine that my DH could help me with and the boys fed well and thrived.

You must put yourself first here and do what is right for you. I worried about a lack of bond but I see now that was silly - we have a wonderful bond together, belly laughs all together in bed each morning!

I’m so sorry you had a bad experience and are feeling like this, but look after yourself and know that whatever you decide to do, just make sure you’re prioritising yourself just as much as your little one. X

This was me. I bf DD for 3 weeks but despite feeding almost hourly she kept losing weight. Pumping produced v little milk so I caved and started formula feeding. A couple of months later I tried to get her interested in bf again by putting her to my breast but it didn’t work. I had a similar experience with my DS.

I felt guilty and beat myself up so much but I promise you OP that in the long run it really does not matter! My two are healthy, they love their food and will try anything.

Another reply from me, I am just so close to this topic having dealt with the guilt myself. But please DO NOT feel guilty, you are not letting her down. Breastfeeding also didn't work with my second - my husband rightly stopped me from going down the pumping madness route again and I am so glad he did. I bonded much better with my second, enjoyed mat leave so much more and honestly, my second never gets ill and is the brightest, cleverest little 2 year old I know. Formula is absolutely wonderful stuff when it's needed, and seriously you won't even care how they were fed in a few years time. It just feels so important now whilst you're in the crazy newborn phase. I'm actually surprised people are suggesting you give it a try. Mum's mental health is THE most important thing for a happy mum and baby x

I dragged myself through a similar journey 10 years ago and regret it now tbh. My baby would have benefited a lot more from a relaxed, available mother than he did from the few bottles of breast milk I managed to get out.

I'm so sorry you were not supported in breastfeeding your baby in those early days. I think if something you want to try it is your choice as a mother, not DHs. I'd second other people who have said just try putting baby to breast to see if he will comfort suck, as this would stimulate supply but also give you some of the closeness of BF. La Leche League are really great and will support you with specialist advice.

There is a book on relactating from Lucy Ruddle (a lactation consultant who has successfully relactated) that you might want to read, it has good advice if you do decide to go down that path. There is also a relactation Facebook group she runs which is incredibly supportive.

Failing at breastfeeding my daughter is something I feel horrendously guilty and sad about - I don’t think there is enough recognition of the sadness that comes from that. Breastfeeding grief is a real thing - we are allowed to mourn it. The book is very cathartic and I find it an emotional but good read.

I started trying to relactate but ultimately decided against continuing, the timing was awful for me personally. I still have milk weeks and weeks later, it’s in the back of my mind to try again now things are better but I don’t think my partner would be on board again.

It’s not an easy decision, sending you love xxx

See if you can latch the baby on. Tbh expressing is harder than it looks🙄 and could make you feel worse if it doesn't work out. Suckling at the breast is the best way to go.

Just read an earlier poster saying no child ever thanked their mum for breast feeding. Well both of mine did, not as children but as adults.

As for your question OP. Why not give it a try? Not with a pump but by seeing if baby will latch on. If they do, great, if they don't you know they happily take a bottle so there's nothing to worry about.
Just offer your breast when they are really hungry and keep trying. Squeeze some drops from the nipple to give them a taste. It takes time but it can be done if baby cooperates. Relax and good luck.

What ScottishGirl said!

My first was born at 36 weeks and she couldn't feed from me. I ended up pumping for 8 months out of guilt because of the pressure put on Mums to breastfeed.

It was exhausting pumping every few hours day and night, sterilising and feeding the baby.

I cried with relief when the Health Visitor gave me permission to stop.

I successfully fed my second child and gave my first child (still a baby) some of that milk which made me feel a bit better. BF was convenient but exhausting. I think it took such a toll on my body that I got open sores on my lower legs for months on end. I'm glad I did it until my second child self weaned just before he was two. By then I'd had enough though!

Do it if you desperately want to but don't do it out of guilt. A happy Mum and a fed baby is most definitely best! I still get the rage when I visit NHS clinics and see all of the breastfeeding propoganda.

I wouldn't start pumping at this stage. You could try latching her on though, possibly with the help of a nipple shield to begin with.

Plus my boobs were pert as anything after the first baby. Saggy as hell after finishing BF my second.

Also second child (BF) always permanently hungry (sensory stuff going on) and is overweight. 1st child (FF) perfectly in proportion so all the crap they spout about FF babies being more likely to be overweight is BS!

I would give it a go! I didn't bf ds1 and I felt guilty every day. With ds2, I bf and feel so much happier. I found bf tiring and full on but I found the guilt of not doing it much harder.