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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be concerned about this

27 replies

AshenQueen · 31/08/2020 15:27

A family moved into the flat above me about a month ago. They are clearly junkies, smoke weed and have six kids.

Since they’ve been here, I’ve heard them threaten their kids with violence, verbally abuse them and have days long fights with each other while their kids are there.

After listening to them scream all weekend and not seeing their children leave for school this morning as I normally do when I leave with my DD, I decided to call 101 and let them know that I had some concerns. I left my details as I thought they might want to contact me again, but was clear that I didn’t want the neighbours to know it was me who had called.

The police showed up at their house and shortly after knocked on my door to say that everything was fine and that the noise was just because they have six children.

So now they will know it was me who called and has left me feeling nervous and anxious about what they will do, but more importantly I’m not sure the police have done their job correctly? Will they just have said this as standard practice or will SS have been contacted too? Not sure what to do now, if anything.

OP posts:
Sparklesocks · 31/08/2020 15:29

That does sound awful - Surely they wouldnt go to school today on a bank holiday though?

Ponoka7 · 31/08/2020 15:30

The Police don't always follow procedure and contact SS. Personally I would report to child services.

Merryoldgoat · 31/08/2020 15:32

I’d call SS separately - you’ve heard them threaten the children.

Dmacka75 · 31/08/2020 15:32

Could be in Scotland, it's not bank holiday there

Original poster
AshenQueen · 31/08/2020 15:33

We live in Scotland, it’s not a bank holiday here.

I had thought about phoning SS after that but wasn’t sure if the police would have already and tbh I’m a bit nervous to now, as they will likely know that was me too and I have two children in the house who I’m often alone with.

OP posts:
Sparklesocks · 31/08/2020 15:34

Oh sorry I thought it was the same throughout the U.K.
Yes it is concerning, it must be quite overcrowded in their flat too?

Original poster
AshenQueen · 31/08/2020 15:38

It must be extremely over crowded. I think a Housing Association bought it and are letting it as some sort of temporary accommodation. I find it difficult for space with my two so I’ve no idea how they are allowed to live there with six.

OP posts:
Slumcat · 31/08/2020 15:55

Report to children’s services.
I worked in a child safeguarding role many moons ago, I can honestly say There are many children safe today thanks to neighbours reporting

Original poster
AshenQueen · 31/08/2020 16:09

She has just knocked at my door asking why I didn’t just come and speak to them and saying thank you for calling the police because the noise was from her partner falling over from having a seizure. The kids (all 6) came with her and were telling me if I ever hear banging or screaming it will just be their dad- which has worried me even more tbh and I’m so sad for them they’re so lovely.

I will contact SS, however I am still worried that now anytime I have to call they will know it was me.

OP posts:
JenniferSantoro · 31/08/2020 16:12

The Police wouldn’t automatically share information about something they consider low level. You would be better ringing children’s social care and giving them as much information as you can with what you’ve heard.

Borderstotheleftofme · 31/08/2020 16:22

Gosh.
I would expect a house of six kids to be full of screaming and shouting tbh.

You had absolutely no evidence whatsoever that the children were being neglected or abused in any way aside from hearing shouting and now not content with the police (who found nothing of concern!) you are contacting SS?!

Michaelbaubles · 31/08/2020 16:24

Well, OP said she heard the children being threatened with violence - that’s pretty disturbing in itself.

Borderstotheleftofme · 31/08/2020 16:26

And how do you know they are junkies exactly?
Because they smoke a bit of weed? Hmm

The police found nothing to be concerned about, they have 6 children squeezed into a flat!
It’s going to be noisy.

Smurf123 · 31/08/2020 16:43

The nspcc have a campaign with the tag line "say something - it might be nothing but it might be something"
We were shown video as part of safeguarding training recently

Much better to say something to ss and for it to be investigated than say nothing and 6 children potentially coming to harm emotionally or otherwise.
Original poster
AshenQueen · 31/08/2020 16:56

You had absolutely no evidence whatsoever that the children were being neglected or abused

They are being verbally abused on a pretty regular basis, they are called disgusting names I wouldn’t even call an adult and I’ve heard them threaten to physically hurt their children. Isn’t that enough to phone someone? I couldn’t sit worrying something even worse would happen to them and do nothing.

And how do you know they are junkies exactly?
Because they smoke a bit of weed?
No, I think if you spoke to them you would know they’re junkies too. But I know for sure, because I’ve heard them several time’s talking about getting smack. The children are actually not noisy at all, even the two babies are silent, it’s their parents making the noise.

Thank you smurf123 that’s helpful and I feel the same, there isn’t really harm in reporting if it’s nothing, compared to what could happen if I don’t and it is something.

OP posts:
Thedogscollar · 31/08/2020 17:21

Definitely contact social services keep a diary of what you have heard and seen if outside.
For people who think it's ok to "smoke a bit of weed" yep maybe it is if they were only responsible for themselves but no way if caring for 6 kids.
Everyone is responsible for safeguarding. It saves lives.

Borderstotheleftofme · 31/08/2020 17:22

I don’t know, maybe your right.
I guess I’m just thinking that six children in a flat must be absolutely horrific for everyone concerned and I would expect the parents to be immensely stressed and shouty and I would expect the kids to run about, scream, shout etc.
Of course, if I thought the children were at risk of harm I would report, I just would hesitate to assume anything sinister from shouting with so many kids in such a small space.
But you are right, I don’t know them.
The police would surely have referred to social services though if they found anything worrying?

hopeisaprison · 31/08/2020 17:27

YABU for using the word "junkie"...YANBU to share your concerns for the children...

BuffaloCauliflower · 31/08/2020 17:32

The police absolutely shouldn’t have identified you here, it puts you at risk and Id put in a complaint. I would also notify SS as well and say this is what’s been said but it’s very clear from what you’ve heard that the noise isn’t just kids playing or Dad having a seizure.

Original poster
AshenQueen · 31/08/2020 17:35

@Borderstotheleftofme It must be awful I don’t know how they manage it and if it was just normal noise I wouldn’t report it as it’s just par for the course when you live in flats. I’m 100% sure there is verbal abuse and threats of physical violence though and I feel responsible since it’s me listening to it.
I would assume the police would contact SS but they seemed to think it was the noise of the children that I’d complained about so I’m not sure what’s what.

OP posts:
OliviaBenson · 31/08/2020 17:43

Id go back to the police and ask them why they told them it was you, explain they came over after and while they might have convinced them it was nothing, explain exactly what has been going on. I'd also do a SS call too.

12309845653ghydrvj · 31/08/2020 17:57

The police actually did the exact same to me recently, when I called about a domestic violence incident overheard through wall. Heard them ask neighbour if they knew anyone by my name (not a common name).

Don’t understand why they continue that acceptable?

cloudylemonade13 · 31/08/2020 17:58

Agree it's not very nice to label them junkies, but the most important thing is the children's welfare - if you've heard them talking about getting smack then that absolutely is cause for concern (especially when put together with everything else you are hearing).

I would do a follow-up to 101. Often the operator you speak to doesn't pass on all the details you have given to him/her to the police that actually go round so they don't have the full info. When you speak to 101 be clear that you only want a follow-up by the police afterwards over the phone and they should not knock on your door after (they are supposed to ask you this anyway).

Original poster
AshenQueen · 31/08/2020 18:12

@12309845653ghydrvj That’s awful, I don’t understand it either, especially because I specifically told them on the phone I didn’t want them to know it was me. Not only am I concerned there will be some kind of retaliation, but it also makes me think twice about calling again. You’d think the police would know better.

I think I will phone back and make a complaint, thank you pp’s, and perhaps explain again as it does really seem as if there has been a misunderstanding or communication error about the nature of my call.

Sorry if I’ve upset people by using junkie, it’s pretty common where I’m from.

I’ve definitely heard them talking about heroin and on top of the weed that blows in my windows, they drink outside in the garden first thing in the morning, so tbh, even if I had never heard what I have, I’d still be concerned for their children.

OP posts:
YouStupidBoy · 31/08/2020 18:15

If you want to report any further details anonymously you can do so via Crimestoppers. If you are happy to receive contact from the Police asking any further questions they may have you can do "Two way ID". All communication goes via Crimestoppers and the police do not know your identity or contact you directly.