Lying to child about filming them

[BlackbirdFirst]

This is going to sound v judgy, but something doesn't sit right about a video on Instagram and reposted to Daily Mail.
Celebrity singer is filming her daughter who is about 7 dancing with her new partner. Child asks "mummy are you filming David and me?" And looks self conscious.
Celeb mummy says "no, haha I'm filming myself for a selfie"
Daughter dances on. Between celeb mum and her partner they have over 7 million followers.
Aibu to think that it's not really kind to do that to your child???

Not sure this counts as 'a little lie' does it?

Yes. It is a little lie. Get some perspective.

without worrying 1 million people plus might see her

Where in the conversation did the kid suggest she was worried about that?

The fact that the mum lied? You would only lie if you thought your kid wouldn't want to hear the truth. The truth being that she was being filmed and put on insta.

Not cool. Kids should be allowed to consent to this stuff. That IS my perspective.

No parents would have any pictures of their kids before the age of about 5 in that case.

Or is it just consent for reasons you see fit? Everything else is absolutely ok?

We're talking about sharing of photos on social media not taking of photos in general. HTH.

That's awful! Not teaching consent at all.

God I have terrible memories of this!

A family friend bringing round a video camera (probably massive and just invented). He was filming all the kids and I kept asking whether he’d started filming yet and he didn’t answer me. I look so stupid in the video and everyone (younger brothers mainly) teased me for years about it.

Let children know if they are being filmed!

But yes this was worse as she was then put on social media!

We're talking about sharing of photos on social media not taking of photos in general.

Oh so it is just about consent on the things you disagree with. You don't need a kids consent for the things that you do agree with.

That really did help clear that up, thanks.

She might have then asked the child is it ok to upload the video, who knows?

I don't think you understand how to debate or discuss things

Allow me to help.

Yes, I disagree with sharing photos or videos of kids on social media - especially with large audiences. I am free to hold this opinion and discuss it on a thread where that is the subject matter - such as this one.

You are equally free to hold the opposite opinion and express it on threads such as this one. However its more interesting if you bring some relevant points to the table rather than just posting stuff like 'Ha! You have a different idea of what kids should consent to to me'.

For example, you could say 'I believe kids should have consent to what happens to their bodies but I don't believe filming comes under bodily consent'. Got it?

Now you have a go.

@Illdealwithitinaminute

She might have then asked the child is it ok to upload the video, who knows?

I didn't think of that, and I guess it would make a difference.

Of course I tell little lies to my kids, but I'm not sure it builds trust when they are so patent as to say no when you mean yes on something seemingly (to a child) as trivial as this

There was me thinking you were saying "I take photos of my children without their consent, but that's ok because I agree people should do that, but I will state that other peoples kids should be able to consent to this stuff, regardless of me taking photos, and probably showing others those photos, of my children without their consent anyway".

You are free to have your hypocritical opinions, of course you are. Thanks for the explanation

Of course I tell little lies to my kids, but I'm not sure it builds trust when they are so patent as to say no when you mean yes on something seemingly (to a child) as trivial as this

So your lies are ok, other people's aren't?

I've told this lie to DD when filming stuff. She changes what she is doing if she knows she is being filmed and I need her not to do that for the purposes of the video. It isn't up to you to decided if that lie is ok or not.

@MintyMabel

Of course I tell little lies to my kids, but I'm not sure it builds trust when they are so patent as to say no when you mean yes on something seemingly (to a child) as trivial as this

So your lies are ok, other people's aren't?

I've told this lie to DD when filming stuff. She changes what she is doing if she knows she is being filmed and I need her not to do that for the purposes of the video. It isn't up to you to decided if that lie is ok or not.

What are the 'purposes' of your video?

And yes, some lies have further implications on trust and impact than others. Context and nuance.

Hm good attempt difficult but a bit garbled. Want to have another go?

I agree I'lldealwithit makes a good point. We can't assume consent wasn't given.

I do think it's an interesting debate though and often wonder what will happen when the insta generation grows up. Will they laugh at the worries regarding consent because living life with a public profile will just be seen as normal or will they be horrified at how their parents shared videos and pictures of them from a young age?

Time will tell I guess.

It could breach the UK data protection law if done in the UK by the way - even children h ave rights under the legislation. Children also have an extra right when they turn 18 to have material parents have put up taken down too and in the UK from age 13 the teenager can control their own data choices too.

On the 12 August 2020 in the UK the new ICO code was issued ico.org.uk/for-organisations/guide-to-data-protection/key-data-protection-themes/age-appropriate-design-a-code-of-practice-for-online-services/ but I have not been through it to see if it covers what we are talking about here. The code is in force in September but companies have 12 months to Sept 2021 to have to comply with it.

If it happened the way originally posted it’s awful, no excuses to deliberately embarrass someone.

I got the impression she was asking because she wanted to be filmed!

Hm good attempt difficult but a bit garbled. Want to have another go?

Nah I was just repeating your 'point'.

Lily Allen is a mum, who knows the circumstances, and what happened before and after the video, she is better placed to make a choice about her child than a bunch of strangers interpreting the words and actions of someone we don't know.

What are the 'purposes' of your video?

Why do you want to know that? So you can decide if my lie was appropriate or not?

Not at all, I just wondered why? Like for an audition or something?

@Xenia - a good find.

As an aside - I think I know you from elsewhere.... I am the Pieman's wife....

Not at all, I just wondered why? Like for an audition or something?

Again, why is it important?

Ok if you have a reason you're happy with to covertly film a family member, then go for it!

This isn't about you